15 mins to go and I will give 10 PTS. for the best revision. correct this essay with prop. gramr. and revision

Question

Every young adult has their own inspirations, their own passions and their own dreams. Unfortunately, many lose sense of motivating themselves, fulfilling their crafts, and pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school. As a result, many young adults fail, in a sense of compassion for a higher education.
Generally speaking, I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish it. A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person that I want to become. That is why I am certain that I want to attend Fresno Pacific University not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its influential environment.
As I mentioned in my recent application for Fresno Pacific University, I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major in. However, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I progress through each semester.
In addition to its academic status that can surely provide me all the help that I need, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for its good ethics. Moral values are very important to me, and when I found out (from a friend who recently graduated from FPU) that Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university, I was even more motivated to go to college. I was raised in an environment in which everyone must treat one another with respect. My parents were really strict about teaching their children with good proper manners which brings me to my last point.
Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important, as it will somewhat influence the characteristics I will portray as I develop and become an adult. When I heard all of the outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stands out--the influential environment it portrays to each students and vice versa. From researching about FPU on the web, hearing about it on a Christian radio station and through reading about it in an issue of Axis, I found out that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the best time of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with good influence.
In other words, I don’t think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be a bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in which I believe it can and will bring out the person I want to be.

This is not mine, this is my friend and I have already corrected it, however I wanted to see if there are more corrections needed to be emphasized. No to two jerks who just copied my friends essay thinking that is smart, well that is plain stupid.

Answer 1

I gave this quick edit for you as I very much enjoyed essay writing when I attended college. I tried not to alter the words too much while still keeping their intent where I did. I hope you friend is happy with this rewrite. It will still need some editing. Good luck with your future.
Patrick



Every young adult has their own inspirations, passions, and dreams. Some, unfortunately, lose their sense of motivation for pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school. As a result, many young adults fail, in their goal for a higher education.
I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish my goal. A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will build a bridge from what I am now to the person I want to become. That is why I am certain that I am going to attend Fresno Pacific University. .
In my recent application for Fresno Pacific University I noted thatI I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major, however, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my choice as I progress through each semester. F.P.U.'s high academic status that can surely provide all the help needed.
I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for it's ethical and moral standards which mirror my own. When I found out from a friend who recently graduated from Fresno Pacific University that it is a Christian university, I became even more motivated to go to attend college there. I was raised in an environment where everyone must treat one another with respect. My parents were very strict about teaching us good proper manners and common courtesy.
Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important and will heavily influence the characteristics I wish to portray as I mature. When I heard so many outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stood out--the influential environment it portrays to each student and expects in return. From my research about FPU on the web I found that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the BEST of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with highly recommended.
In summary, I don't believe there is any university that better suits my needs than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be the bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I believe FPU can and will bring out the person I want to be.

Answer 2

Every young adult has their own inspirations, their own passions and their own dreams. Unfortunately, many lose sense of motivating themselves, fulfilling their crafts, and pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school.

As a result, many young adults fail, in a sense of compassion for a higher education. Generally speaking, I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish it.

A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person that I want to become. That is why I am certain that I want to attend Fresno Pacific University not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its influential environment.

As I mentioned in my recent application for Fresno Pacific University, I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major in. However, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I progress through each semester.

In addition to its academic status that can surely provide me all the help that I need, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for its good ethics. Moral values are very important to me, and when I found out (from a friend who recently graduated from FPU) that Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university,

I was even more motivated to go to college. I was raised in an environment in which everyone must treat one another with respect. My parents were really strict about teaching their children with good proper manners which brings me to my last point.


Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important, as it will somewhat influence the characteristics I will portray as I develop and become an adult. When I heard all of the outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stands out--the influential environment it portrays to each students and vice versa.

From researching about FPU on the web, hearing about it on a Christian radio station and through reading about it in an issue of Axis, I found out that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the best time of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with good influence.

In other words, I don’t think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be a bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in which I believe it can and will bring out the person I want to be.

Answer 3

Every young adult has their own inspirations, their own passions and their own dreams. Unfortunately, many lose sense of motivating themselves, fulfilling their crafts, and pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school. As a result, many young adults fail, in a sense of compassion for a higher education.
Generally speaking, I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish it. A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person that I want to become. That is why I am certain that I want to attend Fresno Pacific University not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its influential environment.
As I mentioned in my recent application for Fresno Pacific University, I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major in. However, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I progress through each semester.
In addition to its academic status that can surely provide me all the help that I need, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for its good ethics. Moral values are very important to me, and when I found out (from a friend who recently graduated from FPU) that Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university, I was even more motivated to go to college. I was raised in an environment in which everyone must treat one another with respect. My parents were really strict about teaching their children with good proper manners which brings me to my last point.
Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important, as it will somewhat influence the characteristics I will portray as I develop and become an adult. When I heard all of the outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stands out--the influential environment it portrays to each students and vice versa. From researching about FPU on the web, hearing about it on a Christian radio station and through reading about it in an issue of Axis, I found out that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the best time of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with good influence.
In other words, I don’t think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be a bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in which I believe it can and will bring out the person I want to be.

Answer 4

Each young adult has his or her own inspirations, passions, and dreams. Unfortunately, many lose sense of motivating themselves, fulfilling their crafts, and pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school. As a result, many young adults fail in a sense of compassion for a higher education.

Generally speaking, I do not want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish it. A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person that I want to become. That is why I am certain that I want to attend Fresno Pacific University not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its influential environment.

As I mentioned in my recent application for Fresno Pacific University, I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major in. However, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I progress through each semester.

In addition to its academic status that can surely provide me all the help that I need, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for its good ethics. Moral values are very important to me, and when I found out (from a friend who recently graduated from FPU) that Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university, I was even more motivated to go to college. I was raised in an environment in which everyone treated one another with respect. My parents were strict about teaching their children good proper manners, which brings me to my last point.

Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important as it will somewhat influence the characteristics I will portray as I develop and become an adult. When I heard all of the outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stood out--the influential environment it portrays to each students and vice versa. From researching about FPU on the web, hearing about it on a Christian radio station, and through reading about it in an issue of Axis, I found out that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the best time of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with good influence.

In other words, I do not think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be a bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I will be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in which I believe it can and will bring out the person I want to be.

Answer 5

I think, in the first line, you want to use the word "aspirations" instead of "inspirations". Aspirations would be things or goals you are aspiring or trying to reach, and that fits with the words passions and dreams.

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Every young adult has their own aspirations, passions and dreams. Unfortunately, many people lose the sense of motivation and pursuing goals just moments after they step out of high school.

As a result, many young adults fail in a sense of compassion for higher education. I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I have a strong desire to attain higher education, and I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place for me to accomplish my goals.

A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will build a bridge from the person that I am to the person that I want to become. I want to attend Fresno Pacific University, not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its' influential environment.

I am still “undecided” on a major course of study. I am confident, however, that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I discover my strengths and interests as I progress through each semester.

In addition, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for the strong ethics and moral foundation of the school. Moral values are very important to me, and I feel that, since Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university, I will be able to further strengthen my personal values.

I was raised in an environment in which everyone is treated with respect, and in turns must treat others with that same respect. My parents have been very really dedicated to teaching their children proper manners which brings me to my last point.

Environment, in terms of surroundings, is extremely important to me, as it will influence the characteristics I will portray as an adult. When I hear of all of the outstanding aspects of Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stands out--the influential environment it portrays to each student, and how those students are a vital part of the school's environment.

From my research about FPU, I have discovered that many graduates and current students state that their time at the school was the best time of their lives. I don’t think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific. I know that Fresno Pacific University will be the bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It will bring out the person I want to be and the person I am meant to be.

*********


Good luck in getting accepted!

Answer 6

a million)How long will the Anthem be? 2:40 5 2)Who will win the coin toss? Arizona 3) what's going to the coin toss be (Heads or Tails) Tails by no ability fails 4) the 1st play of the interest would be (Run or bypass) Run 5) team to get the 1st penalty of the interest Pitt 6) what's going to the 1st penalty be (Offside, etc.) conserving 7) interest MVP? Kurt Warner 8) with the aid of whilst will the interest be desperate? (end of 1st Quarter, Halftime, 2d, third, final 2 minutes of 4th) previous due in the 4th 9) Which team will first have a participant injured? Pitt 10) Which team will use their undertaking first? Ari 11) Will the challenged play Stand or be Reversed? Stand 12) 1st team to get a three and out?Pitt 13) Will there be a streaker?No 14) Which beer company could have the main suitable commercial (Bud mild, etc.) Bud 15) First team to apply a timeout? Ari sixteen) Will Fitzy get a TD? (Fitzgerald) sure/No: sure 17) Will there be a TD off a Kick or Punt return? sure/No No 18) Will there be a protection? sure/No No 19) What time precisely will the Superbowl end? (jap Time)!11:25 est 20)What shade of Gatorade would be poured on the prevailing coach? Yellow 21) very final score?34-27 enjoying cards 22) Will OT be required? No 28 minutes in the past 23) entire Yards between the two communities (Closest, won't be in a position of bypass Over) 675

Answer 7

heres some points
take out the "generally speaking" because you are not generally speaking-- you are specifically speaking about yourself
reword the "i believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person i want to become " that sounds pretty iffy-- have more confidence- the person you want to become is the most important thing and so is education and you chose words like believe and somewhat
the ending lacks something-- i dont like the "in other words" it sounds childish and makes it sounds like everything before was just babble--- maybe use "in conclusion" or "futhermore"

Answer 8

haha. ONly a loser with no life would do that. I like the university letter. mind if i use it for myself

Answer 9

i can't believe 2 people actually did this lol...they just made my life seem a whole lot better lol

Answer 10

DO YOUR OWN F*****G HOME WORK!!! I'M 23 AND HAVE DONE ENOUGH OF IT IN MY LIFE