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It's something that I have thought about over the years but have never seriously persued. I think the reason is because I've always known that I don't really want a relationship with my birth parents but there is always the curiosity to see where I came from. Is this a good enough reason to want to contact them? I have always felt that my adoptive family is my real family, so I don't really feel any void in my life by not knowig my biological parents. This is why I know that my only reason for contacting my biologicals would be out of curiosity. Is it likely that I would just cause alot of awkwardness for my adoptive family or my biological parents if I went through with this? If this is a good idea, can anyone suggest a reputable agency I should go through to try to find my birth parents?

2006-07-26 14:43:22 · 10 answers · asked by Justme 4 in Family & Relationships Family

10 answers

I have two children and both were adopted. I did some volunteer work with adopted children too. I've discussed things like your concerns with a few adoptees and heard some of their stories about searching for their biological parents.

My children have been given an opportunity to do such a search, but they elected not to. It was their own decision. I offered to help them if they wished, but they don't have an interest in it.

I work with a woman who was adopted. She's in her 30s now and last year did an exhaustive search to find her bio parents. She did and made contact. It was a mixed feeling. The parents were divorced by now. She got along 'okay' with the mother, but not real well. They don't have enough in common. She gets along great with her father. They keep in touch now and are good friends.

I think you have to expect that it can go different ways. It may be rewarding or it may be disappointing. Maybe you can handle all that just fine, but you just want to 'know'. There may have been many reasons that you were allowed to be adopted. Things change over the years too. You cannot predict how things might be today.

The woman I spoke of used a locator service that was very effective in giving her assistance.

So I would summarize by saying that it's really up to you and your own self-analysis of whether you are prepared to accept any result. You should make yourself aware that different extremes may be encountered, or a mixture. Be assured of yourself first, before striking out on an investigation.

2006-07-26 14:57:41 · answer #1 · answered by nothing 6 · 7 0

My son's adoption was closed - long story - so him having contact with me wasn't an issue until he was 18 yrs old as that was the earliest he could have contact. I actually found him without actively searching when he had just turned 23 although he had been searching for me since he was 18 but that's 'nother story why it took so long for us to connect which unfortunately has much to do with my family. For us it did turn out well despite a can of worms opened because he thought I wanted him adopted and didn't want to be found thanks to my family. We are very much alike and have loads in common so it couldn't have worked out better. He has been living with us since Dec 2006. Other friends of mine from the closed adoption era have had mixed reunions, some good some bad with the worst one being that her son has been awful to her so they don't have contact now .... mostly his choice. With open adoptions it's different as there is contact so it depends on the situation so I do feel that all involved should talk about what's best for the child with the child being involved in the discussions as it's their life.

2016-03-26 23:49:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Talk to your biological parents and see how they feel, by doing that you aren't betraying them at all. You only live once and it's totally normal to be curious....you may meet them and find that they're great people and you can go on and have two families or they may be terrible people and want nothing to do with you, but at least your curiosity will be satisfied. It's an awkward situation so everyone will feel awkward but you have to do what feels right to you.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

2006-07-26 14:59:46 · answer #3 · answered by makeitclap23 3 · 0 0

No hon that is not a good reason to contact them! You might find out that it causes stress for your adoptive family and THEY WANTED you and love you all these years. Leave it alone and honor your adoptive parents for giving you a good life. If it does not bother your adoptive parents then go ahead and try and look for them.

2006-07-26 14:48:14 · answer #4 · answered by jibbers4204 6 · 0 0

u have to listen to me ok, u have to find them ok, but befor u introduce your self see how they are first see if they are good people or bad, because they have to have a reason for leting som one adopt u ok so u have to do wat i told u or u might get your self in alote of problems ok.

yes i now were you can get info on your real parents go to the hospital where u were born and fined out your real moms name and information on her probably everything and you can allways look online on those people finder site ok.


GOOD LUCK.

2006-07-26 16:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by sainy 1 · 0 0

Unless you have a genetical problem, no.

There is a reason they gave you up, financial, teen pregnancy, rape, etc.... it most likely will open old wounds and hurts no one may want opened again.

Think to yourself they wanted to give you a better life than they could, and it sounds like they have. Be content with your adoptive family.

2006-07-26 14:52:53 · answer #6 · answered by Lindy357 3 · 0 0

i think it's very normal to want to contact your biological parents--in fact, your reasons should be for your health concerns/issues that you need to be made aware of. awkwardness----****---who would feel awkward? certainly not you---be open, honest, gentale and calm. good luck. discovery is wonderful!!! go to genealogy.com and find the answers.

2006-07-26 14:48:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You know it does not make any differance why. It is all up to you and what you want. I would tkink about it dard. Then do what you wish to do. Try to not hurt any one. Good luck and May God go with you in what you do.

2006-07-26 14:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by ldp999000 4 · 0 0

Once you do this there is no turning back... and what if your birth parents want a relationship? And what if they don't?

2006-07-26 14:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by angelpockets 4 · 0 0

GO FIND THEM

2006-07-26 14:47:06 · answer #10 · answered by domazina 3 · 0 0

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