please respond as though you were dr laura to these bible quotes:?

Question

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/laura.htm

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

click on the link for who dr laura is, context etc, or jus feel free to respond to these quotes!

Answer 1

This is great. Of course, it's totally ripped off from a West Wing episode when President Bartlett meets a Dr. Laura-type radio personality and asks her these questions. The point is that if you believe some laws of the Old Testament Bible (specifically the ban on homosexuality) why not others? Who are we to pick and choose what part of God's law we follow?

Answer 2

Too bad you didnt look those up yourself by actually reading the bible or you would have your tail between your legs in shame. John 1:17 - For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ...Romans 10:4 - 4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.
Galatians 2:16 - knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified.........no more stoning or sacrifices, Jesus died for your sins. Now you go to hell for denying Him. Now get off your pride trip and repent.

Answer 3

Burn them all... like a holocaust of the commoners

You cant own canadian because its not a real nation.

For a daughter... is she a virgin? If she is then I would project somewhere around 300 grand

Smiting is always good

For the menstrual period you must like a dog detect if she is in heat...

Answer 4

a) Silly, STONE the neighbors first, their wh*res!

b) I've seen the "little darlings" and you'll be lucky if you don't get a ticket for littering when you dump them on the street. Linda Blair in the Exorcist had better moments.

c) Simple. Roll her over, I've seen your old lady too. It'll be like a vacation! And for once, it'll be tight!

d). Eh?

Answer 5

I agree with the first answer, from Sparkling.

You have to stop living in the ancient past.

You also have to give the human race more credit for the social progress it has made. After all, the Bible does.

Answer 6

Dude you must be totally confused. Evidentally you are getting the wrong impression of the bible. We do not burn people at the stake nor do we stone people.

Answer 7

i don't know why people leave the main points and just die to know such neglegible things.there is something u gotta know guys.THE OLD TESTAMENT TALKED ABOUT HYAGIENE AND CLEANLINESS ONLY BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE LIKE CHILDREN.THEY HAD TO BE TAUGHT LIKE KIDS.THEY WERE PRIMITIVE.BUT THE NEW TESTAMENT ONLY CARES ABOUT YOUR HEART.EAT ANY THING.TOUCH ANY THING DIRTY.BUT KEEP UR HEART CLEAN.
that's also beside u gotta be human.not to eat uncooked hen for example.,..........because it's against our human nature.even circumcision is not a must in christianity

Answer 8

Umm so you didn't read Paul that the Laws of Moses passed away?

PS that doesn't include the ten commandments.

Answer 9

Dr. Laura would have hung up long before you finished asking all these.

Answer 10

aren't you the circumcision fanatic, you look like him.
You are out of your league now. go back to the baby questions. LOL.