Anyone have any advise on controlling a four year old's temper tantrums?

Question

I was in an abusive marriage and had three children at a young age. My youngest seems to be most affected by this. I thought that by ending the marriage that I would no longer have to deal with their father, but I was sadly mistaken. He gets them every other Saturday, and is a very bad influance on them. I have went to the courts, and nothing has been done, because he has money to hire a lawyer each time. I think that since my youngest son is so inpressionable, he has learned to show disrespect to women. He has the worst temper tantrums I have ever seen. He only has them for me or my mom. He is very well behaved for everyone else. I am now in a very stable marriage, and I don't believe that his tantrums are due to a lack of dicipline. I have tried everything. Does anyone have any advise?

Answer 1

As a teacher, I have had to deal with this exact issue many times. After a breakup or divorce, many children are hurt and confused. However, don't confuse his pain with the tantrums. He is doing it because he is manipulating the situation. He realizes what is going on between you and your ex. I once had a five year old who wouldn't do any work or behave the whole week he was with his mother, but would be the model student when he was with his father. His mother confided that she was going through the same situation you are. Her son was disrespectful, defiant, and threw tantrums whenever he was with her. I suggested to her that whenever he acted like that to "act" like she was talking to his Dad on the phone. I suggested this because he needs to see that his parents can have a civil conversation. I know this may seem strange, but it really worked. He didn't want her to call his Dad because it would have killed the manipulation.

Answer 2

It's difficult, but you just have to ignore tantrums. If you argue with him or engage with his behaviour when he's having a tantrum, that just rewards his aggressive behaviour. After a while, if you and your mother treat his tantrums in a consistent way, they'll eventually die off.

Also, try to catch him when he's being receptive (ie, not when he's cranky or aggressive), and explain how men and women should treat one another. If he has a brother, use his brother's respectful behaviour towards you and your mother as an example for him to follow.

Best of luck -- it's always awful when children are caught in an abusive situation, and sadly the lessons they learn when they're very young stay with them for life. That is, of course, unless the cycle is broken, and I'm confident that you'll be able to help re-educate him.

Answer 3

well first of all it matters what his temper tantrums r about if they r from not getting his way but then he screams so much he gets his way. well then i can help. don't give him his way say u get him a toy for being good in the store then he starts acting bad in the car threaten to take his car away then if he doesn't listen then take the car away for good until he starts behaving. and every time he is bad threatento take something he wants or loves. then once he learns his lesson then give it back. he will eventually learn that he will get punished everytime he he cries screams or disrespect u or an adult that is watching him. or if the toy thing doesn't work a medium typed spank will help or five mins. in the corner and everytime he talks or screams add a min.

Answer 4

Your child age is on the stage of critical situation,as they are great imitator (influenced) of what they have seen and copied the behavior from a certain observation! But that is just normal for the reason that your child do not know what is right and wrong in his age!Don,t yell at him or beat him,just talk to him softly,and explain that what he is doing is bad!Still your son's psychological behavior will change soonerm,as I observe a lot of children with his age are behaving like dennis the menace,a problem child!As he grow, he will change and become behaved if guided in a proper manner!That is just temporary and normal being compulsive child!

Answer 5

In my experience with four year olds, temper tantrums are mostly to get a HUGE reaction from whomever he is directing the tantrum towards.
My now 12 year old daughter used to throw giant tantrums in the grocery store when she didn't get her way.
I remembered hearing that tantrums were attention getters and if I ignored the tantrums, after a time they would stop. I literally thought I would DIE when she threw a 'doosey' at WalMart one day, but I stood there in the aisle (toy department, of course) with my arms crossed and not looking at her and she laid on the floor and screamed. THREE moms walked by and said, "Good for you, honey!"
I got CHEERLEADING from other moms for ignoring her tantrum! I think I felt ten feet tall that day. :)
While it was sooooooooooo embarassing, and very hard to listen to my child scream, it worked. She got tired of throwing a fit and when she calmed down, we finished shopping and went home.
As far as being disrespectful, kids at your son's age are sponges, so he probably picked up a lot of that behavior from his dad, unfortunately. Don't tolerate it, though. If he is rude to you or hits you, tell him you won't stand for that particular behavior and send him to his room for about ten minutes (that's about as long as his attention span really is...if you are lucky).
I can't advise you on what to do about the courts, though. They are their father's children, and unless you get rich and can afford a really pricey lawyer, you are stuck with their father. I at least hope he is paying child support, though!

Answer 6

ok i have a perfect example my cousin is going through the same exact thing she left her husband, her younger sons father and because of this the father spoils there youngest son rotten, teaches him nothing but garbage, cursing, really nasty manners, has him singing songs about getting hiss pee pee sucked, i mean really disrespectful, he thinks hes even a member of g-unit. he says he just wants to **** hoes when hes older! hes 4 1/2! my cousin has had no other way to turn but go to counseling with her son, and he has improved ALOT! still disrespectful to her, smacks her in her face, spits, tears his room apart, but i think most of that behavior needs a good *** spanking. Good luck, try counseling!

Answer 7

you need to seek therapy for him before it really gets out of hand

you also need some sort of familly therapy also

Answer 8

Take him to counseling, as there may be something underlying!!!

Answer 9

just ignore the kid wen he does it