what do you tell an 8 year old when he swears? i don't know what's the proper punishment.?

Question

ok, my parents died in a plane crash, and i'm 22 years old and now i have to take care of my 2 little brothers, twins, both 8. one of them has a problem with swearing. i think it's a phase to make himself seem older, but i don't know what to do about it. the other one won't even talk to me anymore, he's depressed i think. what should i do???

they died RECENTLY.

Answer 1

Well the best thing is to ignore it because he'll like the attention he gets. If that doesn't work you can try putting him in time out. I don't think anyone wants to be in time for saying one measly word. For your other brother do fun things with him, get him used to you and help him open up and get his mind off his parents. Also if you have something planned that day and the other brother cusses tell him if he does it again he won't go..wherever you're going that day and he'll stay home.

Answer 2

It sounds like many of the others here are not responding seriously, so I will give it a shot. I suspect that much of what you are experiencing with your brothers is what therapists would refer to as “acting out”. Not talking to you or a new found inappropriate vocabulary might be there way of telling the world that they are hurting. I suspect that if the accident and loss of your parents was recent, that you are all still hurting.

I really think that you need to consult professional counseling. This is a pivotal point in your life, and even more so for your young brothers. Find a family therapist that can advise you on parenting skills and help with the pain that you are all having over the loss of your parents.

One small suggestion that I can make is to make sure that you do not use the inappropriate language yourself. It would not be fair to ask your brother not to say words that you are commonly using around him. Secondly, and most importantly, DO NOT just ignore the behaviors. Right now it is just “not talking” and “cussing”. But, if you ignore these behaviors, you can count on the misbehaving to escalate to something that will be more difficult to address. Whatever you do, make sure you don’t just ignore signs of a problem. That is how misbehaving kids grow in to criminal teens. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

I had a foster mother that used to wash my mouth out with soap, but I don't know how effective that was. Many children act out after a tragedy like that. (I'm very sorry, by the way) Have you considered taking them to a grief counsellor? They can be very useful in teaching children to express what they're feeling in healthy ways. I am in a similar situation (caring for younger siblings), and my sister (12 years old) often does not think that there may be consequences to actions that she takes. I try to make an analogy with her that makes her think about how she would feel should something similar happen to her. Ask him why he likes to do that. If he says because he's grown up, take away his video games (I'll use that as an example because that's what my brother was into then, but whatever he likes to play with). When he asks why, tell him that since he's grown up now, he doesn't need those toys for kids anymore. If he says that he swears because he wants to, take whatever he likes to play with and start playing with it yourself so he can't, and tell him that it's fun. Then explain that the way he feels when you do this is how you feel when he swears. This should at least help him to consider the feelings of others when he acts. I hope this helps, sorry it's a little long. : ) Good luck. If you ever want to chat, my email is [e-mail]

Answer 4

The swearing thing is easy...it sounds cruel but seriously put soap in their mouth. I know it's old school but it will only take once or twice, he's going to stop - and a small amount is not going to hurt anyone. I remember thinking it was stupid and then a few years back when my kid was 5 he was doing the same thing and we did it once, and it was the only time we had to do it. You don't have to do a lot, just get that taste in there and it's hard to get out.

The depression thing is a lot trickier. Generally speaking go to a psychologist, however I understand that at 22 yrs old that may not be financially feasible. If that's not feasible, find something that the child responds to, try different things until you find it and kind of dwell on it till his overall demeanor changes...like if he likes going to the park, take him often until his demeanor away from the park is better - just an example.

Answer 5

I think this is a bit much. I would contact the school and be sure they know that the other kid was taunting your brother. Most schools have very strict rules about this type of behavior. I think someone should sit him down and explain that although the other boy should not have been saying mean things to him, fighting isn't always the answer. A spanking and no toys for two months? Wow!!! I thinkg a week with no t.v. or no toys would be sufficient.

Answer 6

Please accept my condolences on the passing of your parents. It appears that both boys are looking for attention in their own ways. The one who is swearing is looking for negative attention, any attention, to him, is good attention.Tell him in a calm, rational voice that what he is doing is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it then ignore the swearing, it will get much worse before it gets better. Reward him for the nice conversations.
The other child is trying to process everything. I am assuming that you are trying to get him to open up to you by being soft, concerning and gentle with him. This is a good thing, you are giving him positive attention. When he is ready he will speak to you.
You said that your parent's passing was recent, give them time. The three of you have been through an enormously stressful time in your lives. You all need time and compassion. I would highly recommend family and individual counseling. There are many programs available on a local, county and/or state basis. Even though school is out of session, in most places, the child study teams are present all year. Call the school district and ask for their help. Keep yourself surrounded by supportive family and friends, and remember to take time for each of the boys individually and time for yourself. You also lost your parents and need time to heal.

Answer 7

Well to help stop the cursing, the best thing is a punishment. Like when I said a bad word to anyone when I was younger, I would get my mouth washed out with soap. Wasnt fun at all, but it did what it needed to do. It was a punishment. Other punishments, like time-out, taking things away, not giving him things. Different things like that work. Also make sure he knows that when he says something like that its wrong. Dont ignore it, its a problem that has to stop.

Answer 8

For the brother who swears, try using a reward jar. If he goes for an entire day without a swear word, he earns a point for his reward jar. At the end of the week, if he has 5 or more rewards in his jar, he can earn a special treat. After two weeks, increase the reward after 6 days, until he can go an entire week without swearing. With time, he will have learned how to communicate without swearing, and you won't have to cover your ears.

For your brother who won't speak to you, he is probably grieving. Try giving him other outlets for his feelings, such as coloring, painting, drawing, music, anything creative. You want to help them learn to turn the bad things into positive energy. It will help them later in life with more complex problem solving skills. If he doesn't get better over time, I would suggest grief counseling to help him, and family counseling to help you all learn to adjust and cope with the new dynamic for your lives.

Answer 9

Have they been going to therapy? If not, they need to. If you can't get them on insurance, there's places that'll offer discounted psychological counselling to someone in your position, I'm 99.9% sure. You could start at DFS or DHS or whatever it's called there, if you are their legal guardian, which I assume you are.

You could try sitting them down and talking to them for now, telling them that you do not like that kind of language and you would appreciate it if they would not swear around you. If they continue to swear, wash their mouths out with soap. It worked pretty darn well for me. Soap is NASTY and isn't going to hurt them.

But you really really should try to get into family counselling, you would most likely benefit from it too.

Answer 10

As hard as it may be for your brothers you must establish what you will and will not tolerate now! Punish swearing like you would anything else take his bike his playstaion whatever he loves. But always remind him you love him when you punish him so he doesnt resent you later. And for the time being choose your battles. There will be times they need to vent or act out but do not let your sympathy and pain overule your judgement. And dont forget to pray for them. You have a big job ahead of you and I hope God will bless your faithfulness to your brothers.