What do I tell my 12 year old daughter? She wants to know why I change from pantyhose to stockings at night.?

Question

I am a 36 year old real estate salesperson, and soccer mom. My husband and I have a very active sex life, and he hates pantyhose, but loves me in a garter belt and stockings. When the kids were younger, I stayed at home, and took care of them, then dressed up in stockings and a garter belt when my husband came home.

A couple of years ago, when she was about 10, my oldest daughter started wearing pantyhose. I didn't think much about it because some of her friends did to. Last year she took noticed that I would change a garter belt in the evening, and ask why. I told her that it wasn't healthy to wear pantyhose all day.

Now when cleaning her room I noticed one of my old garterbelts with stockings still attached under her bed. I always unhook them, so I know she was wearing them.

What do I say, she has obviously figured out I wear them for my husband, and is probably trying to inpress someone too. I am at a loss as how to approach the situation. Am I overeacting?

Answer 1

If she is 12, I'm sorry to say in today's world, right or wrong; she probably knows lots more about what is going on than you even want to think about. I think you need to confront her with the "found" stockings and ask her why she has them, and what she was doing with them? Don't let her give you any lip about being in her room. Why are you cleaning her room anyway????At 12 years of age, she needs to be learning to take care of her own room...are you her maid??? What else is she hiding??? I don't mean to sound harsh, but you have to be the adult here, and make her realize that although all teenagers think that they are all-knowing....we even did when we were younger...although we probably don't like to admit it- THEY ARE NOT ALL KNOWING UNTIL THEY ARE EIGHTEEN OR whatever the age of adulthood is where you live. YOU are NOT OVERREACTING !!!! You are the parent, please do not be one of the wimpy parents of today that want to be friends first, although if is fine to have friendship as part of the relationship with your child you have to be the adult first, even though all of us have had times where we would rather pretend we don't have to be the adult. There is a small chance that she was just admiring them, thought that they looked good on you, and wanted to try them on out of curiosity...if this were true, would she have "hidden" them under the bed??? I doubt it, we generally hid things when we don't want others to know about it. You should definitely get your husband in on this discussion also, so he can back you up and say that you two are adults, and are married to each other and have a good sex life (I'm sure you have had the talk with her, by this age) and sometimes dressing up with stockings is part of that sex life. If you do not discuss this information with her she will find it elsewhere, I cannot believe some of the things I see discussed in this forum at times, considering this is supposed to be a "family friendly" site. Wouldn't you rather she learn from you and your husband, rather than a friend or a book or a website etc.? Hope this helps, I did not mean to sound harsh, but I think you probably already knew what you had to do; and just needed someone to give you a bit of a nudge in the right direction. Talk to her ASAP, and you will all feel better about it. Good luck to you and Have a Good Night!!

Answer 2

I don't think it's at all obvious that your daughter has figured out why you're wearing the garter belt. You're jumping to conclusions- She probably just wants to be like Mom. I wouldn't make much of it. Just retrieve them as if it were nothing at all. Don't try to over-explain things. If I read your question correctly, it's been a couple years since she asked you why you change. She may be experimenting to see if she prefers stockings to pantyhose. We wore them for years before there WERE pantyhose, and it had nothing to do with having a "romantic evening". If she does ask again, you could just say it's like changing shoes---after wearing heels all day, it's comfortable to change into flats. A 12-year old definitely does NOT need to hear about her parents' sex life in any way whatsoever. I was 12 once, and I raised a daughter. I'm as sure as I can be of that.

Answer 3

She probably has no idea that you do it for your husband and most likely isn't doing it to impress anyone. She just wants to wear the same things that you wear. Don't be a prude about it...just ask her about them and see what she says. Instead of lying about pantyhose not being healthy to wear all day, why didn't you just say that you feel more comfortable in the stockings since a garter is not as tight around your waist? She's old enough to know when you are lying about things. You don't have to give her graphic details but at least say something that is true.

Answer 4

I think she is curious about it , I don't think she has figured out anything. I do think maybe you are letting her know too much about what you do in your personal life. Why does she need to know you change to garter belt and stockings? That is not something she could tell if you are fully dressed. Now that the cat is out of the bag why don't you just tell her that some adult women prefer to wear the stockings and Garter belts in the evening b/c it's a little more dressy and you like the way it looks and probably when she grows up she may like the same things.

Answer 5

It could be that your daughter simply wants to dress like mom. It may be a case of her looking up to you and wanting to be like you. I would not assume that she knows that you wear them for your husband. I would ask her if she has been wearing your old ones and if so why. But I would approach it as if you were asking if she watered the dog. Don't ask aggressively. Also, don't jump into explaining things until you know what she is thinking. Then I would explain to her that those are for when she becomes an adult. I wouldn't say that you are overeacting but you may be jumping to conclusions. Take a deep breath, it will be okay.

Answer 6

Tell her the truth, that you like to dress up when your husband comes home, she's already figured it out. The first thing yous aid, it is unhealthy to wear pantyhose all day is also true. Check out some of the answers on stockings. Young girls now prefer stockings and hold ups to pantyhose because they are all into thongs, and don't want their butt covered.

Answer 7

My 2 year old has tried to put my bra on before. Daughters don't wear or do things because they've "figured it out" they wear and do things their moms do because it's the natural order of things. Just like when they pick up their first baby doll- they want to be like their moms. Just tell her that THOSE stockings are only for grown ups and leave it at that.

Answer 8

My thought is maybe she is just trying out the things you do. I wouldn't assume she is prancing around for a guy or anyone in it. I think it's pretty common for pubescent girls to rummage through mom's stuff and test it all out. Of course she probably has seen a woman wearing stockings/garter in a sexy pose and gets they are considered sexy, but I wouldn't blame you and hubbie for that image. Perhaps you can bring it up ("accidentally" flip through a mag or even have one of yours in the laundry when she's around), but just say how you feel about them. Remind her of what you said 2 years ago, that you think they are comfier (more breathable?) but they are a little old for her. (they're expensive? perhaps?) When she's older she can compare for herself. Make it no biggie and she won't see it a something to rebel with or something naughty.

Answer 9

Tell her its something grownups do when they're with somebody they really care about. Tell her 12 year old girls shouldn't be doing that and if she has any questions to go to you. The whole stealing momma's garter belt is something that needs to be verbally discouraged. She's old enough that you can be frank with her about these kind of things.

Answer 10

She's not necessarily trying to impress someone - she wants to be like mom. At 10, she is definitely old enough to understand the concept of sex. If you don't explain why you're doing it, she will come up with her own ideas.

Just explain it is normal and necessary for you to be sexy for your husband - that's how she came to exist. You didn't want her to be half of just any man and that's why you chose to have sex with your husband. That's that. It may be uncomfortable, but it would be more uncomfortable if she came up with wacky ideas of her own.