how much power dose a military spouse have?

Question

my husband is an E-4 and his platoon leader is being a real aZZ. Acting like my husband needs to ask him before he dose anything. My dh's platoon leader even said hes not a man and need to stand up to his wife. SAY WHAT????? This guy is even making the hole platoon stay late until he can go home even if its till 2200 hrs. What can i do?

Im pregnant and my dh's platoon leader even said if i dont get a car and start driving my self and draging my 3 year old son with me to my appt. he was going to send me back to the states without my dh.

You all so far have giveing me great responce. But im not the one complaing at the door. my husband tells me his problems from wrok and im just trying to help him. I had a job a great one here i do not like staying at home all day my husband made me quit my job so i could be home when he comes home. Thanks to your answers i have realized i have been a bit sour. so i have started doing more things on my own. I have never been in the military or had any family in it this is all new to me and i only was going on what my husband had told me which was not a lot. but i strongley belive if my husband wants our family to work well he needs to know that when he walks thrue that door his job does not end he has a family waiting for him and we need his help here as well.

Answer 1

The only thing that YOU can do is SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND! Do not get into the middle of HIS business at work. You will only cause him even more problems than he is already having. Just be his "soft place" to fall on, listen to him, and encourage him. He knows how to take care of this himself and will be better off if you stay out of it. They can make him stay late: his job doesn't end at 5 PM~it doesn't end until he gets out. I know that even though my daughter and I are my husband's family, we come second. You're going to have to learn this, too, or you will be in for a lot of heartache and stress. I used to be just like you, but have come to realize my role as a military spouse. I'm really not trying to be mean and rude, but this is HIS problem.

Don't listen to some of the posts above! I can't believe that some of the people above actually still has the mentality of "the Army didn't issue him a wife"! If the military didn't give a s h i t about the family members, there wouldn't be so many resources out there for family members. Get your head out of your a s s e s! The military has evolved some since the past 40 years!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

First, a platoon leader cannot revoke your command sponsorship and send you back to the states. He's only an LT, he's not nearly high ranking enough to do that. Second, there's absolutely nothing you can do about what he makes your husband do. Anything you say or do is only going to make it worse for your DH. My hubby had some issues with an NCO and his 1SG moved him to another platoon - maybe your hubby can talk to the 1st sergeant and see if anything can be done. Thats about the only thing I can think of that would help. But, yeah, there's nothing you can do. As someone else said, if the government wanted your DH to have a wife, they would have issued him one. You are their last priority, unfortunately, and if you can't live with it he needs to get out of the military when his enlistment is up.

Answer 3

While I agree with some of what was said there is a person you could go to anonymously. Every division in the military has a person in charge of quality of life.

All the military branches have a quality of life initiative. This is ultimately run at the highest levels in the military. The idea is to make sure that the military does not destroy the morale of the troops and to help with troop retention.

When I was in the military there was a CO that would keep soldiers on duty longer than any other company just on a whim, with no real reasoning. Soldiers would just be standing around for hours until he felt it was "dark" enough to send them home.

Ultimately, this CO was stripped of his command because the retention level for his company fell. His career was over. And when the Inspector Generals office came to find out why the retention level was so low, they imparted to the soldiers that they could anonymously file a grievance with the IG if the command was running counter the quality of life initiative of the army.

So, if your hubby is not actively training, or they do not have a legitimate reason to keep them on extended duty. They Platoon leader could be afoul of the quality of life initiative of the military and should be stopped. Not only for you, but for the sake of the troops and the morale of the unit.

Answer 4

Get over yourself, the Army owns his A** 24-7 until his contract expires and currently they have the sole option of extending that, You are the wife he is making the money, shut up and take care of the kids until he gets home and instead of greeting him at the door with whining try to have something positive to say and dinner on the table, It sounds to me the Platoon Leader is doing him a favor by keeping him late so he doesn't have to deal with a wife who has a napoleonic complex.

BTW HE DOES HAVE TO ASK THE PLATOON LEADER BEFORE HE DOES ANYTHING, I also agree with the platoon leader that he needs to stand up to his wife, You stated you are overseas, which 99% of the time means you are unemployed presently, If you can't take care of the MILITARY ISSUED home with no job to go to all day long you need to be shipped back stateside where you will have to get off your lazy miserable controlling behind and work!

You gotta be kidding me!

Answer 5

I hate to break it to you, but the government did not issue your husband a wife. If your husband is being asked to stay until 2200, I'm sure there is a good reason for it. They may not be able to talk about it. The other possibility is that your husband is using the platoon leader as the bad guy and going out after work.

Answer 6

Sounds like family life is starting to get in the way with his job.....I really don't think you want him to get a LOR do you?? If you are constantly calling him at work and making him drive you around then that is a problem.....this is the military life....part of being the spouse. And FYI if ya'll are stationed overseas then they can send you back to the states if they can find reasons and if the leader is threatening that, then honey he must have something. Trust me YOU do NOT want to be sent back here. And as far as you being able to do anything.....uh hello NOTHING such is the military lifestyle. It's really none of your business concerning how late he has to stay for work and such. They are his bosses...an LOR is not something you want your husband to get. If I were you I would lay off and what's so bad about driving yourself around?? Or does your base have a shuttle bus?? Look I'm not trying to beat you up or anything, but you sound quite disillusioned/ naive as to how the military works. Do you have any good friends that are willing to drive you around while he's at work?? Well good luck....

Answer 7

All you can do is get over it. He signed the contract and has to live up to it. It is not a 9-5 job. I consistently work 14 hours days so that my Marines can go home early at about 1800. So if your husband has a hard driving platoon sergeant than maybe he will not die when and if he has to go to Iraq.
All you can do is complain, which it seems like you are pretty good at.

Answer 8

A military spouse has the power to make her husband a success, or a failure. You do this not by trying to fight his fights for him - this is the road to fustration, the disrespect of his fellow soldiers, and failure. You can make him a success by telling him you believe in him and that you know he'll do the right thing, being there for him when he has a rough day, making the place look nice and having a home cooked meal ready for him when he gets back from a field exercise, and telling him you are proud of him. My final advice, make him confident in your ability to hold down the fort when it is time for him to deploy. The last thing he needs to be doing is worrying about you when he is working long hours, around heavy machinery, under constant stress in a land far away from home.

Answer 9

From a military wife to another, there really isn't anything you can do. It suck but commanders change and you can ride it out it should get better. If your in the AF go to the family support center and you can get child care to watch your kid while you have appointments. It's called the give the parents a break program. Contact your Key/ phoenix spouse. your fam support center can tell you who it is. Just be glad that they own just your husband and not you too.

Answer 10

Wow, you got a lot of good answers already. Sweetie, you are pregnant and have a toddler, etc. SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE IN THE MILITARY! You've just got to work something out with your hubby, not expect his bosses to accomodate you. I think the military probides a LOT of support and security to families and just hate to hear unfounded complaints. They do not owe you your husband back at a decent hour. It sucks, I know.... but if you don't get over it you will just drive you AND your husband both nuts.