She has signed a DNR form, Do Not Resusitate, and has been getting only morphine for the last week. Firstly, that is unbelievable difficult to grasp. No water or food by intravenous. No veins left so they're injecting her just wherever coz they've got no other choice.
I love my husband very much and he seems to be having a more difficult time with this than I am. He's only met her once and when I told him he was being pretty insensitive, he told me that she's been dying for a month. Like that makes it any easier. She asked him to take special care of me coz I was special. I hope so LOL coz I'm her granddaughter.
Any thought? No ignorant comments, please, as I'm pretty damn sad, right now.
2006-07-26 10:37:52 · 32 answers · asked by jozlyn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He may just not know how to deal with it. Men like to be able to fix things, and this is something out of his control. You may need to tell him what you need from him, as he may simply not know. Try to do it without being angry or whiny. I know you're sad, but he may not be able to understand how you feel.
2006-07-26 10:41:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry. My grandmother is ill as well and while she's not dying, she is worrying us all by refusing to eat and drink. You should definitely talk to your husband and tell him that even though it's been a month, it's not any easier to deal with and that you could really use his support. Perhaps the reason he seems so insensitive is because he is trying to distance himself from the situation. Maybe he doesn't want to have to grieve with you. Some people handle that kind of thing in different ways you know? But still that doesn't make it okay that he isn't being supportive to you in your time of need.
2006-07-26 10:51:37 · answer #2 · answered by Chesterkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can a person face death? In one as sad and as terrible like this, some people decide not to face it, nor acknowledge it is happening. That is denial.
It seems that he has no idea as to how to help you. He has realized she is leaving this side of eternity, and expects you to accept it and move on. Easier said than done. Since he has spend very little time with her it may be difficult for him to realize how special she is, and how precious she is for you, loosing her like this is painful, and he should at least realize her death will affect you deeply.
If not because of her death, because of your loss, he should at least try to be there. Even if he has no words to say, just let you know he is sorry too. Maybe embrace you in silence if nothing else comes to mind.
I know All I have "sai"d", may not help you, but Why don't you show him this answer? Who knows he might "see" things differently.
2006-07-26 10:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your grandmother. Don't pay any mind to your husband right now. Sometimes, people behave strangely in these situations. It's because we all react differently to different stimuli. Maybe he's internalizing this about people he's lost before in his life, or if he has yet to suffer a significant loss, perhaps your grandmother is just a reminder to him that life is precious and can be gone at any time. Do what you need to do for you and try to keep him clued in about how you're feeling, but if he's not being helpful still and he's always been there for you before, then it's safe to say he's not sure how to handle his emotions or help you handle yours. Good luck with everything.
2006-07-26 10:44:14 · answer #4 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Jozlyn,
I am so sorry. Grandma's are very special people. Your husband sounds like he has death issues...it's not that he doesn't want to support you he probably just doesn't know how because he hasn't had to deal with much "death" in his life.
And you r right about it not being any easier that this wonderful woman has been suffering like this for a month.....I think it is sometimes better when a person goes fast and in their sleep.
Go and tell your grandma (once again) that you love her and her family is waiting for her on the other side and that you'll be alright, that you don't want her to suffer anymore.
"The angels are waiting."
Once again I am sorry.
You and your grandma are in my prayers.
2006-07-26 10:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by uma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people get old, the normal thing to do is to die. That is the course of life.
I have an old friend that the doctor told us that he will die soon, that was three months ago, and he wake up one day, and was send home. Nothing happen to him. He is right now walking around and reading newspaper. Hard to believe !
Remember, grandma is going to heaven and will not have any more pain and no more ugly doctors, and needles, BUT your hubby is still going to be with you for the next 100 years.
Be strong !
2006-07-26 10:46:48 · answer #6 · answered by Jn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you. My ex-husband was very insensitive and he knew my mother (the woman who raised me). And even the day of the funeral he was a butt. Just sit him down and talk to him about what you are feeling. Some people handle death in different ways and others are just plain ignorant to other people's feelings. I hope he's not one of those ignorant people. I'm sorry about your grandmother, I understand how hard this time is but hang in there.
2006-07-26 10:42:40 · answer #7 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my mother was going through cancer, we went through a point where we really wished she would die and be free. I'm with your husband on this one: the fact that she has been dying for a month doesn't make it easier, but it does make it "right" in an odd kind of way, like death being a release.
I'm sorry that you're sad. But clinging on to people who are dying is more for our sake than theirs many times. Remember that it's often harder to be left behind than to die. Your husband is not you, so you're both dealing with it differently. It doesn't make him insensitive, he just sees the situation in a different way and can't see your perspective, just like you can't see his.
2006-07-26 10:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by Alex G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are not good at dealing with things they can't fix. If your husband could make your grandmother well, I'm sure he would. Possibly another issue is that men tend to suppress their emotions more than women. One way they can accomplish this is to avoid the emotional situation.
Tell him it's OK to not visit her, but you'd like for him to listen if you need to talk. Tell him he doesn't have to do ANYTHING but be there for you if you need him. Tell him that just being able to cry on his shoulder is more comfort than anything else in the world.
My prayers are with you and your family.
2006-07-26 10:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by freedomnow1950 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Males tend to don't want to show emotions, Some don't know how to meanwhile some is afraid, Don't push him too hard because it will bring an argument, Just ask him to hold you when you are really down don't tell him why because he will say that you are over doing it. Just be strong, he maybe did not lose or have anyone in that position. She will be happier gone than feeling pain and you will get over it.
2006-07-26 10:49:25 · answer #10 · answered by triny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really hard losing a grandmother, and even though he is not acting as if he cares, he is sadden that she is dying. Men try to act all hard and stuff as if the have no feelings when alot of times stuff does bother him. If it can help you just think to yourself, that hes acting the way he is because he cant let out his true feelings because he doesnt want to feel as if he isnt strong. Dont stress too much ok try and relax. Just be there with your grams through it all, mine died while i went outside to move the car!
B@RBi3
2006-07-26 10:42:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋