Can someone give me some good lil johnny jokes ???

Question

i need some good lil johnny jokes plz...

Answer 1

Period

One day, Teacher asked the class to each come up to the blackboard, draw something and then tell an interesting story about what they drew.

Little Johnny walked up, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, Teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said little Johnny.

"Well, okay, it's a period,'' teacher said, ''but what is so interesting about a period?"

''Damned if I know,'' said little Johnny, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, and Mommy cried "oh, shite" and fainted, Daddy had a heart attack, and Uncle Frank shot himself."


Little Johnny's Pet Cemetery


Little Johnny was filling in a hole in his backyard, when Little Jenny peered over the fence and noticed what he was doing.

Knowing Little Johnny, yet still curious, Little Jenny hesitantly asked, "What are you up to there, Little Johnny?

"My goldfish died," Little Johnny replied, "and I've just buried him."

Little Jenny looked at the rather sizable hole Little Johnny was filling, and asked, "Why such a big hole for a little goldfish, Little Johnny?"

Little Johnny solemnly patted down the last heap of earth before replying, "Because he's inside your f*cking cat."

Answer 2

One day, Teacher asked the class to each come up to the blackboard, draw something and then tell an interesting story about what they drew.

Little Johnny walked up, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, Teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said little Johnny.

"Well, okay, it's a period,'' teacher said, ''but what is so interesting about a period?"

''Damned if I know,'' said little Johnny, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, and Mommy cried "oh, shite" and fainted, Daddy had a heart attack, and Uncle Frank shot himself."

Answer 3

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29.""I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop Little Jhonny came and asked
to the women i am little kid and i have my way of telling a woman's age . If I put my hand down your shirt I will be able to tell your exact age. "There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him ,and more over he is liitle boy, and little jhonny slipped his hand down her shirt.After feeling around for a while, little jhonny said, "OK, You are 47."Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did
you do that?"Little Jhonny replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."

Answer 4

I have been telling this joke for over 20 years......before the internet came along the only person who ever said that they had heard it was a bartender in Phoenix. I was a fighter jet mechanic for 20 years and having been around a lot of fighter pilots , when I heard this one I thought it was funny as hell. So here goes........
The Ultimate Fighter Pilot Joke
A teacher had a classroom of little kids and one day she said,"Class, tomorrow everyone is going to have to stand up and tell a story that has actually happened to them and the story must have a moral". So the next day she pointed to the first little girl and asked her if she had a story ready with a moral and the little girl said yes, so the teacher said go ahead. The little girl said "Well, I went out to the henhouse to gather all the eggs and on the way back I dropped the basket and broke all the eggs and the moral to the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket." "Very good", the teacher said and pointed to the next little girl and asked if she was ready. The little girl said ' Yes, I brought 6 eggs to school to hatch in the incubator and only 4 of them hatched and the moral of the story is not to count your chickens before they're hatched". "Very good", the teacher said and went all the way around the room until she finally came to Johnny. "Johnny do you have a story for us" she said. "Yes I do",he said. "My dad was a fighter pilot in Vietnam and before he went on each mission he took a six-shooter and a survival knife and a bottle of whiskey. So one time he was flying over North Vietnam and got shot down. So while he was floating down on his parachute he pulled out that bottle of whiskey and drank it all. Just as he hit the ground 10 North Vietnamese soldiers came running out of the woods for him. So, he pulled out his six-shooter and killed 6 and pulled out his survival knife and killed 3 and the last one was running away and he threw that whiskey bottle at him and knocked him out". The teacher said "Wow Johnny that is an awesome story but what is the moral?" And Johnny said "Don't mess with my Dad when he's been drinking whiskey"

Answer 5

Lil J cums home from school.Dad asks,"Did u learn anything new in school 2day",and J asks,"yeah dad,what is vagina".Dad takes him in2 is room,pulls out a Playboy issue and shows J the centerfold,takes a pen and circles her crotch area and tells J,"Inside the circle is what is known as a vagina.Everything on the outside of the circle is known as a c_ _t".

Answer 6

Lil Johnny was in class and he raised his hand. "Teacher, I need t'go baffwoom." The teacher said, "First Johnny, say your ABCs." "Kay. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." "Well, Johnny, that was very good but where's the P?" "Wunnin' down my weg!"

Answer 7

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"


A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out,"I know! ! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"



The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"


Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person."Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"


Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom

Answer 8

the christmas season was around so the teacher wanted the kids to bring something in to reflect it. a girl brought in a light bulb and said it is what u put on a christmas tree. a boy brought in some gift wrap and said its what u wrap the christmas gifts in. little johnny brought in some red panties and when the teacher asked y he brought those in he says their carol's.

Answer 9

Johnny is in kindegarten and he likes to cuss alot. Today they are doing their ABCs. Teacher says A; Johnny shoots his hand up real fast. Teacher thinks to herself, "Can't call on him, he'll say a cussword", so she calls on someone else. Teacher says B; Johnny shoots his hand up quicker than lightning. Teacher thinks to herself, "Can't call on him, he'll say a cussword", so she calls on someone else. This same thing goes on all throughout the alphabet until they get to the letter R. Teacher says R; Johnny shoots his hand up quicker than the speed of light. Teacher thinks to herself, "I just can't think of a cussword that begins with the letter R", so she decides to call on Johnny. Johnny says "RATS, NOT LITTLE ONES BUT BIG MOTHERFOCKERS WITH ***** ABOUT THIS LONG!"
- (hold hands far apart when saying about this long)

Answer 10

Why was Lil Johnny out all night? Because he was too busy hanging out with the East Side Boyz!