My boyfriend is German and 'funny' about certain things.... especially about telling people that I have kids from a previous relationship... my girls are 8 and 10 years old... they are very sweet, and often wonder why they can't go with me and him places... I know he is afraid to tell his parents that he is serious with a girl who has kids, is divorced, etc... now he has ME scared to tell them too.... (just met them last night, and they are VERY friendly... !!) But I know German's are more uptight then Americans, esp about the 'proper' or 'right' way to do things.... so I am just wondering... obviously at some point the truth must be told... that I am divorced, with kids, etc.... I do want to be married (to him!) and have more children.... he is 34, and I am also.... we have been together over a year now... so my question is, is it NORMAL to not tell the parents that the person has kids? And at what point DO you tell... and isn't it more uncomfortable to 'come clean' later?
2006-07-26 07:35:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That is NOT normal. The man you want to spend the rest of your life with wants to hide your children. It is also very unfair to your children. If you are ashamed of them, give them up for adoption to a family who will appreciate them and not make them the dirty little secret. That you would even think about hiding them is sick and wrong. Be proud to be a mother. If your Boyfriend doesnt like it, he needs to take a hike.
2006-07-26 07:41:01 · answer #1 · answered by buggyroo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking about your children is very personal, so I don't think it's necessary to divulge that info the first time you meet any of his friends and family. However, it also is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You shouldn't withhold that information because it is somehow thought to be taboo. Those are your kids and if he wants to be in your life, he has to accept them as part of your "package". At some point, he has to tell his family and friends that the woman in his life has children. He's a grown man, so why should he care that much what others think.
Here's the real question: What does HE think of you having children? My guess is that it is more of an issue with him than he lets on. There is no reason why he should exclude your girls from events!
Think about this: What message are you sending your girls. You love this man enough that you are willing to allow them to be excluded and unknown to everyone in his life. You can't even bring them along to outings. How do you think they feel about your role in this?
Please think twice about this relationship. He is already telling you that your kids are not one of his priorities. Don't settle for this type of treatment now. You are only setting the stage for what will transpire in marriage. As women we have to protect our children. Don't let this man put a wedge between you and your girls. Give yourself a chance. Don't believe the myth about there being no (or few) good men. Find yourself someone who cares about you and your girls. It should be you three letting him into your lives, not him letting you (and not the kids) into his!
2006-07-26 07:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Apple21 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seriously could not believe what you wrote there. You are putting a man before your kids. Do you think any man could ever step into my life and my son has to step back? Sadly mistaken. Firstly, if he truly loves you, he would accept you with your children and he would even be very proud to take out your kids as if they were his too. Those kids are a part of you (flesh and blood) and you should not allow any man to be ashame of your kids, not even to their parents. Before taking you to see his parents and knowing how they are, he should have asked himself if he loved you and your kids enough to take all of you to meet his parents. Not just you. He should have mentioned the kids before too. This is just unbelievable. What is wrong with you woman? My son is my world and I will be alone for the rest of my life if I can not be with someone who loves my son as much as he loves me. Those kids don't have a choice, but you do. You brought them into this world and you owe them a decent life; not one of shame. You better find the time to pray and ask God to help you make the right decisions.
2006-07-26 07:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by killerlegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, this is not normal. Remember ROSES IN THE ATTIC? Please seek counseling for you and Ur children(girls). Remember that U R setting the example for them. In the future they to will be embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed of themselves and maybe even worse. "If my mom was embarrassed to take me out in public why would anyone else want to be seen with me in public? God bless U and your wonderful innocent girls.
2006-07-26 07:53:22 · answer #4 · answered by mayan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly this might not be what you like to pay attention yet it quite is in simple terms my opinion. it would be up on your boyfriend to tell his mom and dad. That shouldnt be on you and because he's 34, he might desire to have the skill to stand up to his make certain and regardless of if or not they like it or not shouldnt rely. His mom and dad then have the choice to settle for it or not. for sure your boyfriend has no issue with it and hes happy. additionally, i might defintely be careful approximately leaving your females out of issues. they desire you top now without or with the hot guy and its appropriate to comprise them as much as achieveable so as that they dont sense like they might desire to compete with the hot guy on your interest. in the event that they dont get your interest now, they are going to later and not in a stable way. in simple terms placed all of it on the guy and if he cant do it then possibly a extreme dating with him isnt the appropriate theory. You and your females are a equipment! stable success
2016-12-10 15:01:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who's the relationship with? Your boyfriend or your boyfriend's parents? Think about it.
2006-07-26 07:43:03 · answer #6 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he should have told his parnets since the beginin, no matter what he is the one who is going to be with you, but he should say something because what startes bad ends bad.
2006-07-26 07:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by pooh_lrh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
challenging stuff query onto google and yahoo it may help
2014-06-15 21:47:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋