My Husband doesnt think i like his daughter. Actually i just don't understand her. I dont think i should do something with her that wouldn't for my own child. Is this wrong? How should i handle this?
2006-07-26 07:31:52 · 13 answers · asked by catdavis19692002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I had a step mother when I was 12, and I don't think she made any effort to have a relationship with me. What I was looking for was for her and I to do something together. If you don't have a daughter then I suggest a girls day, shopping, spa. Offer to invite 1 or 2 of her friends. But the key thing is to make an effort.
2006-07-26 08:16:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your husband notices a problem or difference, then you need to accept some responsibility, even if you think none exists.
I suggest forced outings.
IF you have two cars, take turns with the children when you do something, make it mandatory, then that way your efforts are not as obvious. Children are smart.
You must make a list of things she likes, and you Must take time to explore and learn about these things, then spend time with her discussing them, doing them, buying, looking at, etc.... etc...
You have to make the effort. You are the parent. If your heart is not big enough, then you have to make it big enough. Life is not easy. Just think, this is as hard for her, if not harder because she is a child and she does not have all the choices you have.
You work hard enough so she does not have to.
IN the end, it will pay off. Just maybe not as quickly as you would like.
Good Luck!
2006-07-26 14:42:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you don't have any thing in common with her...She is
12 years old! You don't mention your age, but do you remember
when you was 12 years old? I do and I didn't have a step Mother.
Try putting yourself in her place for awhile. It can't be a bed of roses for her. You married your husband knowing, I imagine that
he had a 12 year old child? Talk with her, let her know that you
want to know her. If you met an adult that you thought you would
like to have for a friend the first thing you would do , would begin to talk. I know it can't be easy either way. Work at it, You will be
glad that you did.
2006-07-26 14:46:55 · answer #3 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something in common?? You have your husband/her father in common. That almost sounds like a cop out or you just don't like her altogether. She's 12 years old and you're supposed to be the adult. Don't understand her...have you even tried? She may be standoffish because she may think you want to replace her mother. She may be standoffish because she sees what you're portraying here...that you just don't like her. And, what is it that you wouldn't do for your own child?
Put it this way....how would you feel if your husband acted like this with your children? Would you just "understand" and let him be? Or, would you be offended and hurt that he doesn't "do things with" your children? You didn't just married that man; he came with baggage, and you can't just leave the baggage at the terminal.
2006-07-26 14:56:07 · answer #4 · answered by Dee M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband then you have to find something in common with her. Im sure there must be something. There is nothing wrong with doing something fun with her that you havent done with your own child. When you marry a person with children they do kind of become yours to. So make the best of it and try harder, your the adult in the picture
2006-07-26 14:36:04 · answer #5 · answered by Texas_at_its_best 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh lady! For one thing you and your stepdaughter are females. Is that a commonality? If you don't see it that way then you must ask yourself- - - Who am I? Answer that truthfully that way, you will know yourself better and in effect you will be able to communicate with your stepdaughter in a positive way. Sometimes, we tend to neglect our own needs that we ourselves don't know who we really are. To be able to understand your stepdaughter, know yourself and drop the step and treat her like your own. Goodluck!
2006-07-26 14:46:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First if you wont do it for yours then dont do it for her. All you can do is try your best to be there for her and let her know you care for her. It is ok you dont understand her we all feel that way with our kids step our not sometims. 12 is a rough age there is all the hormone changes going on with her right now and if she is anything like my daugheter right now all you have to do is tell them Hi and they start crying. Dont be so hard on yourself she will come around. If you are looking for something to do with her your best bet would be to ask her what she wants to do.
2006-07-26 15:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by Wondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong but you should take in consideration that even though it is your step daughter you shoud treat her like she is your own daughter and if it is not safe or regular then I would think better of it and also discuss it with her father to make sure.
2006-07-26 14:36:24 · answer #8 · answered by Sierra E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems like you need to open yourself to learning more about her likes and dis-likes. All kids have different interests, especially young girls about to become teens. You should become very observative of her reactions to things. You can soon pick up on things that maybe you can do with her.
2006-07-26 14:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by Noah's Mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get to know her a little. Take her out to eat and talk ask her what she's interested in. Take her shopping and do some of th ethings she likes to do. Who knows maybe you'll like it too? Goodluck!
2006-07-26 14:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋