NOTE to white AND black women:?

Question

Lately I've been reading a lot of questions and answers that have been disturbing me. I am a successful black man in my late twenties. My fiance is a successful WHITE woman with a powerful company.
Let me assure you of something, I am not with her because she's "easy" nor am I with her because "she let's me have her way with her." I'm with her because I love her and respect her.
Her friends (both white and black) have zero problem with our engagement, infact my family is really happy about it. But as soon as I take her out to a bar where there are black women, she gets eyed up and down so much you'd think she was naked.
How come her white male friends have no problem with us, but my black female friends do? Mami, it's time to get over YOURSELF. I'm not with her because some big bad black lady sent me running, believe me, if I don't behave, I don't get no loving. It's as simple as that.
What's WITH this stereotype? I don't love her cause she's WHITE, I love her because she's HER.

I guess my real point is, don't make up excuses for US (black men) being with white women. We're not with them because they carry us through life, we're with them because of who THEY are.

As much as you think skin tone plays a factor, it doesn't for us.

Believe me though, I ain't hating on my own kind.

I think black women are beautiful, but I also think white women are.

I don't think all black women are this way, it just seems that they are like it more than white women.

I'm not hating on African American women, that would be hating on my Mom, Aunts, Grandmas, etc.,

For those of you who think "I'm so worried about this," think again.
It was just a point.

Her friends don't care, white guys don't yell at me when we're walking past them, yet black girls yells at her. And it ain't cause they're "push-overs"

I'm not stereotyping black women, I'm not putting them down, it just seems some of need to get over yourselves and stop feeling so threatened by white women because they don't feel threatened by you.
You don't need to defend our race, or put fown my fiance's, it was a simple question.

PS> She makes MORE money than me and I have dated black women in the past, even since I have been a business tycoon.
If you must stereotype, don't stereotype us.

Answer 1

There is a scene in the movie Jungle Fever where an Angry Black woman (who's husband is cheating on her with a White woman) explains why she disklikes White women and that she feels they are stealing Black men. I thought the scene was excellent.


Ultimately when it comes right down to it, White Women, Black women, Asian women and Hispanic Women are in a perpetual state of sexual competition - As outlined by CHARLES DARWIN.

They are competing for the best and brightest of all men - the men with more sex appeal, the men with more money, the men who are more successful.
Nothing will ever change the fact that women are competing with other women for men.

The problem is that mong Black men, Hispanic men and Asian men in America, many of us are stuck in mediorcre jobs or occupations due to the high unemployment rates and poor economic situations - there are also alot of us getting killed due to war and violence in our own streets.

The quantity of women is increasing but the quantity of men is decreasing and stagnant.

Also, among certain groups of men there is a trend of EXOGAMY - preference of other ethnicites of women.

Keep in mind that in America's White Supremacist media and society, greater emphasis is placed on women with caucasian features than women with darker skin and larger bodies. Black women are feeling the squeeze of men not being available which White and Hispanic women don't feel.

You may claim that You love your woman cause she's "HER"...Black women do not and will not ever see it that way.

BTW, I take my White girlfriend to church with me alot and the West Indian and Black girls HATE MY F$CKIN GUTS FOR IT.

Answer 2

To think the problem with accepting your white fiance' is a black woman's issue is stereotyping of the highest order.

Just because her friends don't say anything doesn't mean they don't have a problem with your engagement. Some probably do care, some probably don't care and some probably could care less. This is America after all, and no matter what blinders you put on, there are still biases at all levels of society.

My daughter well educated and beautiful and married to an Asian man and black men do the same thing to her, not all of them just some of them. To believe every man/woman of any particular race/culture/creed holds the same personal biases is a bias in its own right.

Some people are just less vocal, more politically correct, while others will "eye her up and down."

The thing is, why are you so worried about it. And since you are so worried about it, don't take her to intergrated places.

Answer 3

I think that's beautiful, but I'm a black woman and I do look twice when i see an interracial couple. It's not that I'm against it at all, as a matter of fact I would date a person who wasn't black, its just that if the man is successful and looks like a good catch I do get jealous that it's not me with him, and it makes it worse if the woman is white. You start thinking things like "They always steal the good ones". It's just a reaction that I can't help, its just how I feel. If the man is ugly or bummy looking I couldn't care less lol. So it isnt really a race issue, its a competition issue. At least this is how it is for me, I can't speak for all black women.

Answer 4

I'm engaged to a Caucasian/Vietnamese man who pretty much looks white and i'm black and we have beautiful daughter who's 6 months old...now to answer your question...

We must be honest here. For me personally, I have a preference for white men. For the last six years to be exact. Why? Maybe because I've been scarred emotionally by the large majority of my black ex's and in my opinion I think that a lot of black men don't know how to respect black women but for some reason, which may go back to before you and me were around, black men tend to cater to white women more. Maybe it's the trophy philosophy which many will denounce or deny. And my fiance has a preference for black women which probably goes back to him dating several white women who turned out to be over the top, whiny, arrogant drama queens. He told me that he likes the black woman's "attitude" and our agressiveness and "tell it like it is" aura, not to mention the skin tone and curves. Good for me! Now, when we go out in our neighborhood which is extremely multicultural, people stare but get over the initial culture shock pretty quickly. In the inner city, however, the story is entirely different. Black men look at me like i'm a traitor and the women look me up and down to see why this white man is with me. I think that many black women feel as if you're a traitor and you think they aren't good enough. Whether or not we choose to accept this, this does have some truth to it. Past relationships can scar an individual to the point where the color of one's skin is immediately associated with negative characteristics which subconsciously guide our relationship decisions.

I wouldn't worry about it much. In my situation, i'm a very pretty black girl and the black guys are pretty pissed that a white guy has me and I understand perfectly. The black girls may be doing the same in your situation.

Good luck to you and I wish you the best with your powerful business tycoon.

Answer 5

I am not black, but I see this a lot too. Black women just seem to get offended by a white woman dating a black guy (god forbid he marry one *gasp*). I think it is because there are so few decent black men out there (most of them are or wanna be a gangster) so the black females feel like white women are taking all the "good ones". To me it doesn't matter. If you love the woman than marry her and if other women have a problem with it than screw them!
good luck with your wedding

Answer 6

Not trying to be politically correct like the rest.

First of all I really think you got it all screwed up. Black women are offended by this because most of our black men are in jail, gay, dead, on drugs, or just not worth it. And most of the black men that date white women are successful and well off financially or about to be. And we pretty much know that if you were a regular good guy working a decent blue collar job they wouldn't look at you twice. But black women would be there for you no matter what and that is not worth anything when you have these so-called good white girls on your arm. It's just offensive. We also know that it's harder for us to date outside our race because we are often considered loud, belligerent, aggresive, or just plain ghetto. So our options are limited. If we have a harder time dating outside the race and our own men don't want us or not worth the trouble, then where does that leave us. Bitter and angry. So when we do see it of course we're pissed.

Additonal Comment:

I think your blind if you think her white friends are all okay with it and only your black friends have problems. They might not say anything but be assured some of them are discussing it RIGHT NOW!! The only reason why you know your black friends have a problem is because they aren't afraid to tell you what they think becaus they are YOUR friends. HER friends aren't going to discuss their dislike for you to YOU.

One more thing:
The black face with the blonde hair on your avatar says its all.

2nd additonal comment:

Just can't stay away from this one. Why would a white woman be threatened by a black woman when everything is easier...and don't say it isn't because it is now and always have been. It's harder for us to get jobs, men, and respect. Who care's that your girl makes more. If you were working at a factory coming home tired and dirty everyday she probably wouldn't feel the same way. You can think what you really want but the truth is the truth. I'm not against interacial dating. I'M REALLY NOT. But you posted question so you must care what others think but your pride won't allow you to say anything. I have dated outside my race before and no one yelled out to us or gave us a hard time, so there must be something else going on there. I've never heard anyone yell out to a interacial couple in my life. You may get an angry look but never have I heard the yelling. Also I haven't seen anything negative written here about your girl. Evverything has been pretty general. I REALLY think you have a problem with your own situation that's why you even brought this up in the first place.

To the poster after me not before me:

I wouldn't expect you to understand. You can date/marry a black man and get nasty looks but you will never be a black woman and you will never understand a black womans life. People can vent all day long about stereotypes and all that crap, but you just can NEVER understand. The man asked a question and I gave my opinion. I'm not trying to be liked I'm trying to give my opinion. If he, you, or anyone else doesn't like it that's fine. But it's still my opinion. and to be honest I think more black women would understand where I'm coming from anyway. Because they've been there.

Answer 7

it is a stereo type and it is frustrating
there is a mindset that black men date white women because
its like a status symbol, like driving a mercedes, it makes me
mad as well, as a white women, b/c ive dated every color of the
rainbow and i had a very long meaningful realtionship with a
black man and we NEVER thought if it as "oh, im dating a white
women" also, on the flip side i was dating someone who wasn't
white, and thats all he talked or joked about and would say
white girl alot. WTF?!?!?!?1 he was corney.
i feel your pain, just keep on doing what your doing and those
broads are just jealous because your proboly a really nice
succeful, well spoken guy and these "black women" feel that
your wife is "taking away" a decent black man, which i think is a
load of bull **** anyways because these type of women
feel "entitled" to having "a good black man" these are women
who you wouldnt wanna date anyways, reagrdless of their color

Answer 8

I'm happy for you. I'm a white chic in my twenties and I date anyone as long as they are good to me. I get eyed up a lot as well, especially when I'm with my black male friends. I have a lot of friends of both races, although the black girls do get a little disturbed with us(white girls) dating the black guys b/c they say "they are stealing our men from us" as if they own them or something.
Just keep doing what your doing and don't let anyone/anything come in the way....Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 9

Great statement! I wish you luck with your relationship. I too am a white woman with a black man. I get the looks all the time! I have even had girl yell at us as we drive by and say why the white chick?....its hard still now days and pretty sad too. But like you we do have the support of both our families, thank God! Good luck to you!

Answer 10

You should know better than anyone else what your cultural experience is. Black women are notorious for getting upset that white women end up in a relationship with a black male. It is terrible in this day and age, but that is the culture of African American women.