We live far away from them but we get together for family activities many times a year. I recently was shocked by a hate filled comment. I think that if I confront them I am setting myself up for a lifetime of conflict with these people. I know there is no way to change their minds but I am so bothered by this I have not been able to get it off my mind. With my family and with others I have always spoken up but this isn't my family and it's not within my power to remove them from my life. Before I knew about the racism I thought these people were the coolest people on Earth. Now I just want to avoid the person who said this with all my being. At this point I think all I can do is wait for an opportunity to let them know that I have had many black friends and growing up that is ALL I had! What do I do if they don't take the Hint and refrain from saying those offensive things in front of me? If I don't have a plan I'll just lose it on these people and that won't help anyone.
2006-07-26 06:02:06 · 8 answers · asked by reddragonsong 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I walk away. They will not change. I have a problem with my father in law. Due to circumstances, I walk away....
2006-07-26 06:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You thought they "were the coolest people on earth". And now you are holding them all responsible for something one person said? That sounds very much like the same biased attitude you abhor in them.
I think it's your own personal world that needs to be expanded.
People can be honest and trustworthy and fun and brilliant and still hate black people. A person could have black friends who they love and adore and still oppose interracial relationships.
You have to let people be who they are.
And, if you don't confront them you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of conflict. Don't tell them that they are wrong just let them know how it makes you feel. Most people are open to new attitudes and ideas, if someone isn't putting them down at the same time.
2006-07-26 13:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the remark was spoken during an event that involved alcohol or other recreational substances, take it as a one-time stupid event until you have other remarks or behavior to demonstrate that there is a real pattern here.
Whether or not substances were involved, if you once thought highly of these people and now you do not, then you should talk it over with them. Explain to them how much it hurt your feelings and offended your sense of decency. Give them an opportunity to apologize and/or explain themselves. If they make amends, then give them a second chance. If they become defensive and irate, then at least you'll know with certainty that they are committed bigots.
If they are bigots, the best thing you can do is to avoid them as much as possible...and just so they know how offensive their comments are, tell them why you are avoiding them. Stupid people cannot be expected to change if no one bothers to tell them what's wrong with business as usual.
2006-07-26 13:26:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a stand before you "lose it". I had issues with my mother-in-law and didn't say anything for years. When I finally snapped and told her off in front of the entire family even my father-in-law sided with me, told her to shut up and said that someone should have put her in her place years ago. She was an only child who became a total tyrant that nobody would stand up to. Still I wish I'd taken her aside and handled it better. Even though she apologized at that particular moment and admitted she was wrong, she takes every possible opportunity to stick it to me and is very subtle about it. My point is that I didn't make her a better person. I just made her sneakier.
2006-07-26 15:31:55 · answer #4 · answered by nimbleminx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are in this position! I agree that it's very hard to hear things that you don't want to hear. If you feel that these comments will continue, you might say something like this to the person at an appropriate moment:
"
If you say it in the appropriate contrite way, hopefully the person won't take it as a great offense. You have no way to change that person's mind, but you can at least ask him/her to not share those opinions with you.
2006-07-27 13:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why bother speaking up? You getting defensive and stooping to their level will only add fuel to the fire. You know who you are, what you have accomplished and where you are going so don't concern yourself with what they say or think about you. If things work out with your partner in the long term and you have a good loving relationship, they will see that and back-off. Don't concern yourself with their low-blows because that's all they are.
2006-07-26 14:55:20 · answer #6 · answered by dorothylaa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
read my questions and you will see we share the same, im black married to a white, i face racism in his family recently i had a bitter exchange with his mother and his sister, my husband knows they are bad he even warned me before we got married, but finnally i couldnt handle it and i told them off.there is no need of keeping a pain in your chest when it hurts so bad, just say it.
2006-07-26 13:17:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds of prejudging, not race, to hate someone solely because of the color of there skin. those who are racist speak often and freely of color ,color does not determine whats inside, but upbringing does.as well as environment
2006-07-26 14:15:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋