My fiancee is constantly hurting me in the worst ways imaginable. It is like she is taking direct aim for the heart, and shooting it down. Every time she makes me a little bit happy, she then counters that by saying something or doing something that makes me a great deal miserable and for some time. I do not wis to end the relationship with her, because i love her and she loves me. She always appologizes (after i bring it up), but then 5 minutes later, she is doing the same exact stuff again. She says she loves me, but she shows the opposite. What can i do? How can i help her to get out of this particular phase???????? What do i do, i am desperate. I have already talked to her, but it is as if she does not hear what i am saying, or maybe she just doesn't care. I really need advice.........PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-26 05:45:23 · 7 answers · asked by pilotmanitalia 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She does have a big problem. You have heard the saying "we shouldnt hurt the ones we love" right? She is hurting you...yet she says that she loves you. there are numerous things that you could find out to try to make this better. 1) find out about her past (if you have only known her for a few short years) maybe there is something in her past that makes her act out like this. She is going to have a miserable life if she continues this as she will never have a man love her. Maybe she has been hurt in the past and "lash's" out like this when she feels you getting too close. 2) try to point this situation out when she does it and tell her that you love her no matter what and that you both will work through things. 3) she should really go to a phychiatrist and maybe they can find out what the problem is with her and why she does this. (to me this is the way to go with her) If she gets angry with you for bringing it up then point out the reason of how much you love her and how seeing someone can help her. She needs to feel that you are there for her and that you will not abandon her in her times of crisis. on the other hand...............If you do not truly feel any love from her or only when it is convienient for her then you are just spinning your wheels. You only live once and there are some people that can be helped and some that cannot. Keep your spirit up and hopefully things will work out for you.
2006-07-26 06:21:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds just like me. I constantly say things and do things that hurt my man then I turn around and apologize. I love him very much. I just don't like him. He irritates the hell out of me. And it's not like he does it on purpose.
Maybe she doesn't really want to marry you and is being mean to you so that you can call off the wedding leaving her guilt free. Hate to be harsh but DON'T MARRY HER!!! If you are miserable now you will be miserable later. My man tried that and I spared him an imminent divorce. Marriage will only make her more miserable which in turn makes you more miserable.
Love is a very foolish thing and it cause people to make foolish decisions. She may love you but that love may not be something she truly wants so she shows her unhappiness through hate and hurt. You love her and that love causes you to endure the pain which is something you don't want.
I know you've heard it time and time again but that is because it's true: you cannot change a person no matter how hard you try or how hard you love them. Many men would have loved to know about your woman what you know now. By the time they found out their woman was a mean, hateful, evil conniving B#*th it was too late; they were already married with children.
Nevertheless, you may decide to listen to your heart instead of the obvious. Which I don't blame you because most people really can't see the forest for the trees. You've tried talking to her to no avail. You probably cried about it, had sleepness nights, and no peace. But you still wanna "work it out". Well fine?!
Here's what you can do. Try a different approach to your questions. Instead of asking her:"Why are you doing this to me when you said you'd stop?" ask her 1. "Am I annoying?" 2. "What persons or dreams or goals or desires am I standing in the way of?" 3. "In what ways have I wronged you that you can't forgive?"
Then try this: "I think we should call the wedding off. (Tell her that because of the way she treated you don't know if you love her enough to marry her right now.)" If she says it's a good idea then you know she has issues with you. If she cries and protests then try to find out the real reason why she's upset. Ask her can she really honestly see herself with you for another moment let alone five years or the rest of her life.
I know some people will tell you to try therapy. If you do you should both have individual sessions first for a while and then return to the therapist together so that you can finally know how each other feels. Sometimes it takes an outside source to open our eyes. If you can't see a therapist then talk to a mutual friend or parent or pastor. Go on the internet and find a free or low cost therapist in your neighborhood. Email me if you need help.
I wish you wisdom and understanding in the face of uncertainty and fear.
2006-07-26 05:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by sxyjjust4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should follow you heart and trust your instincts, but if you cannot resolve the issue then you should get a counselor to help. If you are thinking about a life-long relationship with this person then you should iron out the problems now before they snowball into something more. Talk to her about getting counseling. A counselor will not judge, but help the two of you communicate so that you can resolve these issues.
You should ask yourself if you are truly prepared to spend the rest of your life with her. What ever you are feeling now may be totally different than what you may feel 10 years from now.
One last bit of advice. If you get married and you still have any doubts, please do not have children. A child will link you to her forever and it would be very bad for the child.
Peace
2006-07-26 06:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Greggath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a foul guy. also, it does no longer rely that he prays, fasts, and does all that if he commits zina. in case you dedicate zina, or any significant sin, all of your sturdy deeds go null until eventually you in actuality repent. And in case you keep on doing it than I doubt he changed into truthful. also I were given this from an Islamic website, "Allah maximum severe says: “a guy responsible of adultery or fornication does no longer marry except a woman responsible of adultery or fornication, or an idolatress, and as for a lady who dedicated adultery or fornication, no man or woman yet a guy who dedicated adultery or fornication, or an idolater, marries her. And that has been prohibited for the Believers.” [al-Quran 24:3] The opinion that you study says that this verse is a prohibition antagonistic to the marriage of a Believer with someone responsible of zina, until eventually the adulterer repents, thereby being cleansed of the sin and no longer being an adulterer. it truly is depending on the taking the certainty “it is been prohibited” at honestly one of its literal and glaring meanings and making use of it to marriage. some Hanbali pupils held this view."
2016-11-26 00:54:49 · answer #4 · answered by brennen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... She could be trying to protect herself from getting TOO close to you. Has she had bad relationships in the past? I'd try to stick with her and do little things that show her you care about her. She may mellow out if my theory is correct...
2006-07-26 05:52:57 · answer #5 · answered by Slippers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Honest Abe, get out of this rut now, just hang it up and tell her where to go.
2006-07-26 05:51:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of her she needs professional help
2006-07-26 05:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by matt d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋