what should i do with my kids tantrums?

Question

i am single mother of two.
one teen and one preteen.
in home they always have fight and i have to convince my younger one to stop...
the older one has no respect for me calling me and her sister very bad names .
they start from the morning when i try to wake them up after 2hours that alarm o'clock play(she sets the alarm and then she doesn't wake up with it so i have to wake her up to not be late for work and then she wakes up and says shut up ....).
my younger one respects me but insult her teachers and showing tantrum over there.
i have a full time job and i have to be there everyday but when i am so upset i can't work,i can't concentrate on what i am reading and i cant write.i have so much headache because of their behavior but in the other hand i don't want to make my bus disapointed because i am new and he doesn't know me very well.
any advise?

Answer 1

It's taken you quite a few years to create this problem; don't kid yourself thinking there's a quick fix. Try getting professional help, these kids know you have no authority over them and that they can push you around. This problem was solvable ten years ago but now it will be a nightmare. Do you have the guts to save these kids? You need serious parenting help from a family counselor, glib advice on the internet is not going to work.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

I have no idea if this will work but your children are old enough where they should be understanding.
1. Start with a family meeting with the kids. Explain that there are going to be changes starting right now. Rules will be set and followed or there will be consiquences. Explain the importance of your job and how you need them to cooperate and what will happen if you lose your job. Try to get them to understand the situation.
2. Define the rules of the house and the consiquences if the rules are broken and how the consiquences will increase if they continue to be broken.
3. You are in charge, figure out what pushes their buttons. If they do something good beyond normal they deserve a reward, and give them one. But (and this is the hard part) if they break a rule then there is NO GRAY AREA they must be punished.

You must define structure to the arrangement. If they do good tell them, if they do really really good reward them. But if they do bad then they must be punished. If you don't stick to your word and you let them off the hook then the only thing you are teaching them is that they can get away with it if they whine enough.

It's possible that it's too late for this to work but it's the best I can think of.
Best of Luck

Answer 3

YES....you need counseling immediately before you have to visit one of your kids at the morgue or in jail. This isn't anything new for single mothers. Kids will push all of your buttons; but, here is a reason that they are doing it. You have allowed it for a long time. It didn't just happen overnight. Now, you're going to have to have the strength to get up and fight for your self-respect and make them show some motherly respect. They should have been taught this at an early age. But I understand how a working mom only has so much time and energy and it's easier just to let it go. I urge you and your girls to get some counseling right away. Make an appointment with social services now! They have the tools you need to control your family. This is urgent. Don't put it off. God bless you and the girls.

Answer 4

Teens and preteen all go through changes, including the need for more sleep. Sleep deprivation is often the cause of a lot of problems. Try getting them both to bed a little earlier and/or setting your older daughter's alarm clock a little later. If the problems persist, tell your older girl that if she doesn't want you to wake her up, she'd better start paying attention to her alarm, or you'll start waking her up three hours before she needs to be.

Sit them both down and tell them that you don't appreciate their behavior, toward each other and toward you. Tell your younger daughter that she should show the same respect she has for you to her teachers. When/If she goes to college, her professors won't tolerate a disrespectful attitude from a student. (I have yet to meet one who does!) Tell your older girl that if she thinks she's so grown up, then it's time for her to get a job and pay rent.

Try that. It might help.

Answer 5

You poor thing! Breathe! When you're younger, your mom isn't a person. She's this suck fest that you have to depend on for money and you so desperately want to get away from. If you want to get out of that mold, step down from the pedestal you're being shot at from. They feel so misunderstood right now. They need one on one time with you. They need to see you as a person. You need to feel like their friend. Surprise them one day with a trip to the mall for lunch and something small they've been eyeing, let them pick the music in the car, and ask how friends are doing, why a certain teacher sucks so bad and share horror stories from when u went to high school, ask for advice on how to fit in better at work so they feel like you need their help and you're not some super human. And it doesn't have to be the mall, at the grocery store, if they're eyeing something special you wouldn't normally get or they like key lime pie, tell them to grab it and help you plan a special friday dinner you guys can all make and have them help you cook it. Put on some good oldies and dance while you cook. Be like a teenager again for awhile.

Answer 6

you need supper nanny...... but for real........ get a large poster board.... and a magic marker....... list the house hold rules in order of importance..... 1. respect for all who live under roof. 2. respect for others property. 3. respect for all others outside of house. a)teaachers etc.... .... list also the punishments for each broken rule...... such as no car , no tv, etc....... give it some serious and hard thought... get help through a counsler at church or school to make this list of rules....... but the day you hang that poster up be firm and authorative... make sure those kids understand that you mean business about this whole thing.... the teen should be given more responsibilities around the house..... such as cleaning certain rooms, the pre-teen the same..... these kids are old enough to start learing life is NOT a free ride..... part time jobs are also an option for the oldest..... make her save a certain amount of money each pay check for a car and clothes for school...... if they want stuff make them each earn the money to buy it....... even if you have to pay them an allowance for work around the house....... but stick to your guns on all the rules !!! YOU are the boss and MOM....... Meaning of Me....... BOSS..... God bless

Answer 7

You have laid the ground work that allowed them to behave this way. Now it is going to take alot to stop it and that is very hard. But setting ground rules is the first thing you need to do. And if they break those rules then don't allow them to do anything fun that they want to do. Tell them that once they start following the rules they will stop being grounded. Or ship their disrepectful butts to boot camp for a couple of weeks.

Answer 8

Take away privileges. Take the girls, set them down, and tell them how it is going to be. Set the rules, and set the consequences. YOU are boss. Take away the teen's car keys. Eliminate allowances for bad behavior. No TV, send them to their rooms.
Sounds like you let them get away with murder when they were younger, and they grew up disrespecting you. I have 2 brothers (half brothers, different sets of parents) who each are the same way. They were let off easy while me and my older brothers were made to do chores and respect our parents.
When the girls see you mean business, and you STICK TO YOUR WORD, then maybe they will start acting like young ladies instead of brats. Calling you names is unacceptable.

Answer 9

Stop supporting the older one. If she is so big and tough, show her what real life is like, be tough on her, tough love is the only thing that will help, force her to get a job and take care of herself, demand respect and dont let up till you get it. Ground her, take things from her, dont let her walk on you. If you require respect, you will get it from both. Involve the police a few times if you have to. Let your kids know you are serious and not playing their games! You have let it get to this point, now you have to fix it!

Answer 10

i am not in the same situation as you but i would advise that there should be a little more dicipline at least until they arent as moody....if its to the point where those problems are conflicting with work maybe a nanny would help like in the movie nanny mc.phee when all the kids turned from brats to angels she used just enough dicipline to get her point through and it sounds like thats what you need.....if you are talking to them when they are in trouble you must keep a strong tone and not show any weakness let them know that you are angry with their behavior and that it will not happen any more

i hope this helps....good luck....sounds like you'll need it