How big a problem is this?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together 5 and a 1/2 years and have one child already, who is 4. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 26. The problem is I want to have a 2nd child (the sooner the better) and he never wants to have any more. How do we deal with this? Is there a future for us when he has sworn never to give me something I want so badly?

My reasons for not waiting until we are older are that we already have one child to take care of for the next, say, 14 years until he starts to become independent. I think it makes sense to have a 2nd now and raise them both together, having our freedom later on. Also, I want my son to have a sibling he is close to. We have talked this into the ground and both feel quite strongly about it. But I feel that the more time that passes, the less likely he is to change his mind.

Also, just responding to some of the answers I've gotten. We are very committed to one another but not married due to mutual feelings on marriage as an institution. I would NEVER trick him into having another child as that is really quite low. And also, even if he refuses to have another child ever. I cannot see myself ever leaving him as I love him with all y heart. But I can perhaps see resentment in my post-menopausal years.

Answer 1

easy you get him drunk and have sex without de rubber, once the deed is done you cant go back, of course if you did that too me i'd run away to australia

Answer 2

A relationship is 50/50 and not just about you, The fact that you all started so young makes me think that he is now being alot more responsible about how the rest of your lives together. Think more about being financialy able to support children, rent, and everyday expenses. You are still young enough to obtain degrees and create life that is more comfortable. You didn't mention, but I'm sure you are not wealthy and he probably works very hard while you work hard taking care of your 1 child. Work together on getting ahead and I'm sure he'll change his mind once some off life's stress has been lifted from HIS shoulders.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

You should never make a decision as huge as having another child if one of the partners is against it. It's not fair to the child, and it's not fair to the person.

Obviously, your boyfriend isn't ready for family life. If he was, he would marry you and help you build a home for you and your child. That should be step 1. I strongly urge you to put off having another child until you have a stable home with a marriage license.
If you were a child, wouldn't you rather your parents be legally married? I'm not sure I understand you wanting to have more children with a man who won't marry you. You deserve that. He is the father of your child. If he isn't honorable enough to marry you, why would you want to give him another child?
Good luck to you, and remember, even though we may want something badly, it doesn't mean we should have it.

Answer 4

Several thoughts.

Marriage: Do you or he want to get married, or are you still not sure if this is for real?

Maturity: You got pregnant at 18, and had a child at 19, with a guy you knew for a few months/a year? At 21 he got an 18 year old pregnant You guys have alot of growing up to do.

Children: You already have one child -- you have a major responsibility to him/her.

You both are not adult enough to to talk about forever. There is no question, you will both be changing your minds many times over.

You both got to get into counseling immediately. If you don't want to do it for your self or your partner, at least do it for the sake of your child.

Answer 5

Okay you both where young when you had your first child ..i ahve beenthere too and that was hard. You both are not married to each other so you both didn't do what i did when i was where you are. This is something that you have to sit down and talk seriously about. Bringing in a nother child into this world is a big deal. You know that....if your plans for your life has more children in it then you you have to make a desision..

....if you can live with just the one child for the rest of your life or if you want to move on...keep in mind if you really love this man and want to be with him for life it may be something that you have to live with.......Please don't trick him into getting pregnant that is so wrong and would not help anything....but you need to have him sit down with you and tell him what you are willing to live with and what you are really not....also keep in mind you both have a child that is 4 now so she factors in too...


......if you have another child will that effect her future...i was struggling and when i got pregnant with my second child that got even worse...do this is something that you really need to think hard about and then talk to him....don't let him brush you off....tell him this means alot to you if he listens to what you have to say and look really hard in your hear as to of what will you accept and not accept in your life but remember it will effect a nother life...your child and yours....

......peace and i hope all go's well

Answer 6

I guess you have to decide what is more important to you and how far you are willing to go to have another child.

Consider whats most important:

Keeping the child you already share in a stable home with both parents.

The effect that the huge and difficult changes that will occur should you leave your boyfriend will have on your child now.

Make sure you have your whole family's best interests at heart when you make your decisions.

Answer 7

talk to him, and let him know how much u want a baby, and then if he's still against it, you need to talk about the relationship, u might need to find a guy who wants more children and a bigger family, but it's also very hard to find a guy who will accept u and ur child, let alone treat ya'll right. Try going to counseling and maybe u can come to some sort of answer. It'll be really hard on the child if ya'll split. Good Luck! Children are a blessing and I hope u get to have another one!

Answer 8

Personally, you have to respect where he is coming from. But on the other hand, you need to know where this relationship is going. Is there marriage in your future? How stable is the relationship now? If this will not be your future husband, wait for the 2nd child. Have it when you marry. You are young and have years in front of you for children. Don't press the issue with him, It may be the best thing for now.

Answer 9

Please don't take the advice to trick him into having another child. If he doesn't want another and you become pregnant this could cause a major problem for your relationship. I can also understand your yearning for wanting another child. This can be a very difficult situation and I think warrants some professional counseling and is not something can can be answered in a forum such as this . Honestly it is best for you, your boyfriend AND especially your child to seek counseling on this matter. Good luck I hope you fine that you meet in the middle.

Answer 10

Well, my first question is why aren't you married? Maybe he doen't plan on staying that is why he hasn't married you and thus doen't want anymore kids from your relationship. Just a thought, I could be wrong. What is the true desire of wanting another child? I have two myself, and the second one brought a ton of more work and alot of more stress to the pot. I love my children and a would do it all over again, but if there is a problem to begin with then adding more stress to the situation won't help.

Answer 11

Give it time....honey you are still very young. I understand you wanting more kids but maybe he has a legitimate reason for not wanting more right now. Don't push it yet. If you were 40 then I would say push, but you are not. And who knows he might change his mind. My husband said "no more kids" after having our first. Now, he is bugging me like crazy for another one. Spend time with the child you have and enjoy it. I am sure you will get the chance to have another one. It just may not necessarily be on "your" time. Be patient.