Why has my wife been so irritable lately?

Question

For the past three to four months, my wife has been extremely irritable. I can't explain why...when I ask her she says she doesn't know. My first question is...well, is it me? She snaps at me for everything and nothing seems to be good enough...she always wants things done her way. We have a 2 1/2 year old little girl who she stays at home with all day. When I get home after working all day, I take my daughter and spend around two hours a day with her to give my wife a chance to decompress. Around 8:30 or 9 I finally get to sit down with my wife and chat with her. She always says..."I'm crabby tonight" I ask her "why" she typically responds..."i don't know or I don't want to talk about it." What can I do? What should I say or ask? I want to be the best husband and father I possibly can be. I feel like I am failing her and don't know why.
I always try to help her around the house with cleaning, cooking, giving her sat. to do what she wants for the day. WHat is going on

Wow...I can't even explain my gratitude towards everybody here. I didn't know what to expect since it is the first question or anything I have ever posted here. Thank you for everybody reaching out to me as you have.
I really wish I had some answers....it is stressful and makes me sad and I think about it at night when I lay in bed. Maybe we do need to go on a date night. To add to the chaos, we recently bought a house...trying to sell our current home. We are trying to get pregnant...lots on the plate. I just wish she wouldn't let all the "little things" bother her. She has a daughter who thinks the world of my wife and a husband who would go to hell and back for her. She has fought two bouts of depression in the past. It broke my heart both times. I tried to be her rock during those times the best I could without crumbling...no easy task. I hope she doesn't go through another for her sake...they were so hard on her.

Answer 1

Yikes Mr. R, this is a serious question. I am not a doctor, just another married guy like yourself so take what I say with a grain of salt. For that matter, take all the answers you are going to get with a grain of salt, examine them, and don't jump to conclusions.

I don't know how long you have been married and I don't know your guys personal life (finances, things in the past, etc) but certainly things like this, prolonged things like this, occur because of a dissatisfaction with something or someone. It could be you but it could be her and it could be neither but again, don't read too much into that. Women have a tendancy to have things weigh very heavily on them for long peroids of time, that once solved, they feel so much better about. Point being, is that you need to find the "true" source and so many other things will clear up.

Here is my suggestion. Write down on a piece of paper all the things (you are going to have to think way back) you think it could possibly be that is the root of her irritation. Write down the far fetched things also, but again, realize you are writing a hypothetical list and don't get yourself all worked up about it, not now. Oh, and don't do this on the computer and for the love of God, keep track of this paper (just trust me, this is for your eyes only).

Next, I would plan just a day get-away. Have someone watch your girl for a night. You two need to get to some nice area. I recommend going where the weather is good and you can be outside, like by the water, whether an ocean or a lake. Where the air can refresh the two of you. Make sure it is secluded. Even a cabin in a park, where you can sit on the porch. The point is that you need to be relaxed, she needs to be relaxed and you need to address this issue with her, but in a professional manner, where you are more like a doctor and less like a husband or an interrogator. Relax, kind of go through that list with her (but it is now in your head, don't let her know you have a list) and just see if she can open up also. She is not happy and that doesn't make her feel good either, she just may not know it or want to admit it yet.

Marriage is tough, having kids is tough, but life itself is tough. You need satisfaction just as much as she does. This has been a long time and you two need to find the problem before too many other problems cling to this one, creating one big mess of problems. There could be all kinds of solutions. Maybe you need to move, maybe your wife needs a career and would like to return to work, maybe she needs more romance, maybe she wants to go back to school, maybe she is having questions about life or about marriage or about having a child. There is an answer, but only SHE can say what it is. Her problem is recognizing or even knowing that there is a problem.

good luck, stay cool and calm and get a solution.

Answer 2

She could be depressed. When you stay at home all day with children, you are cut off from other adults. Think about it. When you go to work you are around other adults and get to have adult conversation. When you stay home, you are around children all day. Your day is filled with trying to figure out what this little person, wants, needs. You are her sole entertainment all day. You take them here, there. If you have just moved you have lost touch with friends. In many cases, when a woman gets married she loses touch with a lot of her friends, because now you are trying to make a life with your spouse. When you have a baby and quit work, you lose touch with more friends. Then you are alone and you fall victim to depression. Even though you are helping to take the baby away for 2 hours, she still has no friends to be around during the day. See if she will go to her doctor and get some help from there. I could be wrong, but she should still see her doctor. It could be something else.

Answer 3

You don't say how old she is,but it could be an unbalanced hormonal thing,or depression....they both have a tendency to throw a woman for a loop,and as sad as it is..we females have a tendency to take it out on any one within two feet of us.Your wife's reactions toward you are probably not intentional,if this is the case,and only a doctor will be able to tell you.Either way, you really need to keep the lines of communication open with each other ,so she will feel comfortable talking to you about whatever is bothering her..Maybe she feels that you wouldn't understand...You need to let her know that ,even if you don't understand,that you are willing to listen.Good luck..you are not alone in this world of fluctuating hormones flying around,like dust motes in a hurricane.

Answer 4

Wow.. I'm really sorry to hear this. It sounds like you're doing the best you can. Unexplainable moodiness could be the result of a hormonal imbalance in your wife. Is it possible that she is pregnant? If not then can you think of anything you could have done that would really make her angry? (I.E. tape over the wedding tape, not do something you promised you would) It sounds like she's being really unfair to you by not telling you whats going on and why she is so irritable. It could be that she just doesn't know why (which could be again the result of hormones). If you think she does know why, you have to tell her that it is only fair to tell you so you can help fix the problem rather than it getting worse. Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are a good husband & trying to do everything you can think of to help her - thats really important. Maybe she is overwhelmed by household duties or feeling unimportant for some reason. Besides helping her around the house & giving her time to herself, I don't know what more you can do except to have her talk to her doctor because its possible she's depressed. Especially if when you ask her whats wrong & she doesn't know why she feels that way.

Good Luck & I hope things get better for the both of you.

Answer 6

She might feel irritable because she's at home all day. Once your daughter will be in school, your wife might go back to work and be back to her old self again, enjoying life. Why don't you get a babysitter for a night, take her to the place you first met, you first had your first meal, maybe even the first place you danced, or that you proposed. I know you're the one in pain, but perhaps she just wants a night out with you alone and doesn't know how to approach you about it. Surprise her with flowers. I hope this works.

Answer 7

You sound like a good hubby, maybe she's feeling a bit rundown and wants some attention to herself. See if you can get the inlaws or parents to have the daughter for a weekend and take her away for a weekend break, spoil each other with a bit of attention. You may both be focussing more o the daughter than each other. She may be lonely and just need adult company after being with a toddler all day. But, I reckon if you take her away for a break you should be able to get a resolution, just don't give up.

Answer 8

Some of her personal problem that is bothering her and she doesn't want to share with you.
May be she is going into manopause.
May be is her hormonal changes.
Maybe is you that you have not given her enough attention that she wanted.
May be she is tired out looking after a 2 1/2 yrs old who is active and needs extra effort.
May be she is too drained and therefore she is even drained mentally and doesn't want to talk.
Perhaps you should take her out one day, just you and her without your daughter, then find out exactly where went wrong.
Ask her in between other conversation so that it will be more pleasing to her ears and she will feel good of your concern. Remember don't be shrewed it will only cause explosion!

Answer 9

Hey dude--your old lady is going through a very serious adjustment deal here---believe me---she is in the process right now of evaluating her surroundings and her life---and this is situation critical for YOU---
This is usually the point at which women are re establishing their mind set as to what they have in their life---what the positive and negative factors are and they are very vonerable at this stage to seeing the negatives VERY up close and personal and have a tendency to play any positives down to a speck
More divorces "come out of the blue" to dudes that have this happen in their relationship without giving it the proper importance that it deserves----So HEADS UP--- you are at stage One Critical for your relationship here
Get your butt busy at putting some zip back into the ROMANCE thing ---and I mean right now---no delay--you've got to let her know in terms that she doesn't have to guess at that she is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to you---and that you would die for her in a second if it had to be---you've got to find a way to put flowers on the table---spring for a special night out with a baby sitter arranged for and the whole nine yards ----dude -- you're playing a winner takes all game of save the marriage here SO GET BUSY NOW !!!!!

Answer 10

She is feeling unappreciated and taken forgranted by being a stay at home mom. A lot of young women feel that way and they also expect their husband to be able to read their mind. See if you can get a babysitter where you and her can have some quality alone time with no child around. Lots of young couple forget about the marriage once children come along.