I hate my dad what should I do?

Question

I hate my dad because he never cares about what i want what i want to do what i want to be. He constantly compares me to other people and tell me how much i suck how much better those harvard students are or watever. He constantly nags me constantly tell me i'm a big disappoint to him i'm not good enough. I don't do drugs i don't come home pregnant i take AP classes and passed them and i try my best. He doesn't tell me good job when i made wind ensemble or things i do well in. He only focuses on the bad things. What should i do? talking to him doesn't work i tried in the past it doesn't change him. I'm never good enough for him. He never encourages me. I hate him so much i want to go to a community college just to piss him off. Why doesn't my happiness matter to him?

my mom isn't here for me anymore she attempted suicide a few months back i haven't talked to her since then. She has some sort of mental illness but my father never asked o how are u honey or what are u feeling? all he said to me was don't make ur mom's mental illness an excuse to slip in school and stop thinking and caring about her. He continues his criticisms and put downs just like normal. He doesn't know how much pain i'm going through he doesn't care. All he wants is to put me down and discourage me. i don't remember any encouragement from him ever in my life.

Answer 1

His problems run deeper. Its not just you its probably his past mistakes or the way he grew up. Is he by chance an alcoholic?
Just do your best in everything...Try hard. Dont half *** it because he makes you angry..Thatll get you no where in life. Just do your best...Be yourself...Its his problem. Not yours. Good luck.

Answer 2

This is the SADDEST question I have ever read. You have every reason to be proud of yourself, but it will be hard to do that without the approval of your father. It is very normal to have these feeling over your father under these cicumstances. It is also a sad case that your father chooses to criticise you instead of being happy that he has such a wonderful daughter. You need to tell him again & again how he is hurting you. He may (in some sick way) think that he is helping you or motivating you to try for excellence. If that is the case he is absolutely wrong, in the way he is doing this. You need some councilling & guidance on how to deal with the hurt you are feeling. Start with your mom, although she should already be aware of whats going on, you guys need family councilling. If that doesn't work, try at your church & speak with your minister or priest, or find a caring adult that you trust to help lead you to where you can get some councilling in your community. You deserve & have an absolute right to the things that you want from your father. But he may not be capable of being that person for you. He needs to make some changes in himself, but he can't do that unless he wants to, & he may also be incapable of seeing how much he is hurting you. Don't lower your goals just to piss him off though, you will only be hurting yourself. You are already doing great in spite of him. Good Job! Keep up the good work. I hope things get better for you soon.

Answer 3

Dads are strange creatures. I really appreciate this more now that I am one.

There's no excuse for him not being a better dad to you, but I bet there's a whole lot of things going on in his life and his mind that are sapping the energy and happiness from him that he otherwise would have devoted to you. If you want him to be there for you, perhaps you could inspire him (or shame him) by being there for him. Ask him how he's doing. Show some interest in his work, hobbies, life, health, happiness, etc. Maybe, just maybe, he'll start showing more interest in your life and what you want.

Just keep doing your best. From what you've posted, I know you want to try to "earn" your dad's attention and affection, but I'm guessing you know in your heart that that strategy isn't working. Try doing your best for your own sake, for your own pride, for your own future, and don't let your dad's bad attitude and poor sensitivity hold you back.

And don't do anything with your life or future just to spite him: that's giving him too much control. If going to a c.c. is what you really want, do it, but don't do it just to piss him off. That's not pursuing your happiness, but rather pursuing his misery & his misery is a poor substitute for your lifelong happiness.

Don't wait for his encouragement: let your disappointment in him serve as a motivation to be better than he ever imagined you could be. Success is the best revenge, so keep your eyes on the proverbial prize. Before you know it, he'll be trying to catch up to you, wishing he had the chance to do it all over again. It's hard to see now, but I strongly believe that this is the likely outcome & that this outcome is within your grasp.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

From your despcription its obvious that your dad has very high expectations of you and this is the main reason that is affecting your relationship with your dad. These expectations may be the unfulfilled dreams of his life. I know you must be trying hard to keep up with it and is disappointed because he dosen't encourage or appreciate ur succes and acheivement. You should never hate your dad for this reason.
First of all you should sit down with him and talk about how much you are trying and be sure to let him know your true feelings.
Be patient with him he may be the kind of person who dosen't always say or express love and affection but will be proud of u. He is comparing you to the high acheivers because he knows wants to encourage you and knows tht you have the potential to reach that level. He wants you to be the most successful of all.
Its not that your happiness dosen't matter to him he wants you to work hard now so you can reap happineess in your future....he must be looking forward to those days. And after all as they say you can only understand his true feeling when you become a parent yourself thats one of those facts about life. Good luck with everything and i am sure you will be a successful person in your life and will make your dad proud...All the BEST :)

Answer 5

Tell him calmly that if all he can do is put you down and point out the negative things about you, you don't want to hear it, and that you'd rather he said nothing at all. You should add that you do the best you can and that he's being unreasonable to expect more from you.

If you feel comfortable doing it, also tell him that his constant put-downs hurt your feelings and make you feel like he doesn't care about you, so it makes you not want to care about him.

Sometimes, people (parents and bosses in particular) get more negative the better you do. I'm not saying you should do worse, because you shouldn't, but that might be the reason behind it.

Often, people don't realize that they're doing things like that, so they have to be told. It's always better to tell them at a calm moment instead of during an argument. If it gets you nowhere, then at least you tried.

Answer 6

A person grows by learning from citicism and failures. If everybody appreciated your good deeds, you would get complacent.

A true friend is someone who positively criticizes your every action. It is not because he hates you,but to set you thinking about what you could've done better. This only challenges you to do better in every lttle thing you do.
I think you should look at it this way..he cares about every little thing you do and tells you where you could've improved.

One day you can look back and tell, that if he didn't poke you that day, you would never have been the success you are.

Answer 7

You only have to live with him through high school and then you will be on your own, Go to a good college (so far away from home that you have limited visits) and make a success of yourself in spite of him. Many other people love and encourage you besides your father. Listen to them.

Answer 8

Some parents think their children are little clay dolls they can mold and shape however they want them to be instead of recognizing you have a personality and interests of your own. It's difficult for some parents to see past their desire to live vicariously through their children.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to them. Sometimes, it helps to bide your time and forge out on your own when you are old enough. Make choices that are good for you rather than one's designed to hurt him. Also, find a support group for people in the same position. It will make it less frustrating and lonely while going through it. Good luck to you.

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward

Answer 9

Don't waste your energy on him. Are you 18 yet? Get a job and get your own place. Is your mother not living with you? If not, I'd say contact child protective services and tell them you want out of his house. It's your life, you don't need to live for him. You just be true to yourself and count the days until you can get out of his house. And remember that karma works. Anyone that hateful will die a lonely person. Pity him, don't hate him.

Answer 10

i know what you mean. im sorry to say this but if he is anything like my dad he may never see your success in life. Personally I think my father does this to me because that's what his dad does to him-still to this day.. my father is now 46 years old and my grandfather is finally starting to realize what a success my father really is. It's very hurtful for what they do. I wish he'd be more supportive. my advice is dont let him make you less than what you are. shine above it. and maybe when your older he'll finally see how wrong he was. you sound like a very intellegent person who has a bright future. Keep going that path.

Answer 11

Stop trying to please him. He sounds like a right ********. Live youre own life and start being happy. Don't let his lack of affection or attention affect youre happiness, life is too short. If he is too shortsighted to appreciate having a wonderful daughter then its his loss. You could turn it back on him compare him to other people etc see how much the old **** likes that. But, keep youre chin up each of us is special even if its only in our head and thats where it couns most.