Which is more demeaning? Being talked down to? Or when someone purposefully talks over your head...?

Question

....knowing you don't understand a word they are saying?

You know John......like when someone gets that "voice" like you are a kindergartener. And they talk very slowly and deliberately so that you can understand. While you are standing there thinking.......yes, I get the idea! Vs.....Talking over your head using huge technical terms that they downright KNOW you don't understand but dare you to ask them about so that they can show their superiority.

lol...is it obvious I had a bad encounter this morning? *sigh*

Answer 1

I think both are equally annoying but really reflect badly on the person giving it out. It usually indicates arrogance and pomposity (I love that word).

In me, it tends to produce low grade sarcasm:

"Really, I did NOT know that..."
on being talked down to...

And in the case of people who deliberately talk over my head - that's usually because they are talking about a specialist area that they have exclusive knowledge about. So I tend to ask them a very specific question about something I think they won't know anything about in revenge to bring them down to earth pretty quickly...

Mind you some of my closest friends are over 6' tall and so are always talking over my head and down to me, but I don't mind. Just take it in my (slightly smaller) stride...

Answer 2

Writing analysts claim illegible penmanship can show intent to hinder communication. The same principal could hold true in vocabulary. There is a control issue when someone can't communicate in a way conducive to understanding. It's demeaning in the respect that they are trying to establish intellectual dominance over you through this type of interaction. Which is just stupid. You strike me as a very literate person and in your element I'm sure you'd baffle this buffoon whoever they might be. I find being talked down to more demeaning then someone talking over my head. I've no trouble saying "could you now say that again in trailer trash white honky English" it usually exposes them for pretension. The good news they'll spend their life and times with lots of useless technical words and you'll have friends, not that we wish them any needless suffering. One of the most obnoxious women I've ever known was like that she had no social skills and she while tolerated was despised by most. I did enjoy looping her around with questions she could only conjecture at due to her limited base of knowledge. It was humerus how she couldn't just say "I don't really know" and spewed opinion like it was unmistakable fact.

Answer 3

NCURSES not only creates a wrapper over terminal capabilities, but also gives a robust framework to create nice looking UI (user interface) in text mode. It provides functions to create windows, etc. Its sister libraries panel, menu and form provide an extension to the basic curses library. These libraries usually come along with curses. One can create applications that contain multiple windows, menus, panel and forms. Windows can be managed independently, and can provide " scrollability, and even can be hidden. I am sure this is all perfectly simple to you as it is to me. Even a child can see how important scrollability is with all those curses. I know what you mean. I just hate it when people talk over my head with technobabble. That is why I wrote the first part of this answer in terms that even I don't understand. Know what I mean? I got this off the internet. I know it is English, but that is where my understanding ends. When computer Bill Gates wannabes talk to me in computerese my eyes glaze over and I feign to know what they're tallking about. Now, have you ever used a beadhead Prince Nymph with a strike indicator just where the riffle hits a deep eddy and.......

Answer 4

Those are two sides of the same coin, so it's hard to say, but I think being talked down to is a little worse. Sometimes, when someone tries to talk over your head, you can understand and respond intelligently, and it forces them to acknowledge that you DO know something. When they talk to you like an idiot, you just have to endure it. If you say, "Hey, I'm not stupid, I get it!" you really haven't proven anything. When people do that to me, I like to respond by asking the most complex, difficult to understand questions I can come up with. Then, when they say, "I don't understand what you're asking." you can talk to THEM just the same way they were talking to you--as if they are really not too bright.

Answer 5

I think it's demeaning when someone talks down to you,I hate this with a passion my ex use to do this and when I would react to it...he would give me this smirk and say "now I am older than you,so I know" little did he know I just wanted to kick the crap out of him
Talking over my head I don't mind depending on the attitude that goes with it ...if it is bad than I will just start talking slang and then they don't understand

Answer 6

Both are frustrating. But I want to answer your question directly - I think that for me, philosophically, it's being talked 'over'. It's a power play tactic. The other is just the person being mean spirited. I do want to share though that sometimes my husband thinks I am talking down to him when really I'm just trying to choose my words carefully b/c I know he is already riled up. To be honest though, I handle being talked over better then being talked down too - I don't mind either a) blowing them off since they don't actually want me to understand. (and this usually gets them b/c they are counting on me wanting to understand) b) looking up the words they use (I only do this if I expect a repeat encounter) or c) asking them to explain themselves (esp if I think they cannot). When talked down to I just tend to get mad.

Answer 7

Sorry for the beating.

When I read your question, I kept replacing the word "rude" with the word "demeaning," because clearly both actions are about the other person's need to control. I know it's terribly hard to do, but whenever this happens, it's important to recognize the behavior for what it is and to remember that it has nothing to do with your intelligence. Hard to do in the moment, though.

I'll answer your question. I think being talked down to hurts more. No one likes to be made to feel childish. When someone uses 25-cent words to impress or intimidate me, my easy reply is to say, "I didn't understand a word you said," or "One more time in layman's language, please."

But you see the need of the other person in both these cases to feel suprior, right? That crap should have ended in high school, but people who never grieve over their shortcomings and losses as children and teenagers carry the shame and anger with them for years and project it on to other people over and over again, people such as yourself. It's wrong, it hurts, but you know, it says nothing about the person you are and much about the person they are.

Answer 8

Both suck but if I had to pick the worse one I would say Over my head, Im mean atleast the other way I can see it coming and maybe retort with something as bad.
Aint you a cutie!!!, And I didnt add that for best answer either!
just an observation.

Answer 9

Being talked down to. I don't understand this being talked over my head. This has never happened before.

Answer 10

Being talked down to really gets my back fur up. When that happens I reply back by talking over the jerk's head.