One of my close co-workers (known for 6 years) father past away and the wake is tomorrow---however I already have plans to go to a baseball game and if I go to the wake there is no way possible for me to get to the game (tickets paid for already and everything). I am sending flowers to the funeral home---is this OK? I feel extremely guilty, however I've had these other plans for a couple months. I've never even met her father. Is it rude for me to not go? Help!
2006-07-26 03:17:20 · 17 answers · asked by Penguin Gal 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Funerals are to mourn the passing of someone you love. To celebrate their life and to let them go. If you have never met that person and do not feel a sense of loss then there is no reason to go.
Dont feel guilty just at some other moment let your friend know that you feel her pain and that you are there for HER - always.
But dont beat yourself up over it. If I were in the same position I would not expect you to go.
Best Wishes
David
2006-07-26 05:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by David i 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is a close coworker the same as a close friend to you? If so, I'd say you need to go to the wake, unless you can make it to the funeral the next day. And if you don't go to the wake, do NOT say it was because of a baseball game. Her father will never know the difference, but if you are really a close friend, she may miss you, and be hurt that you thought having fun was more important than being there for her.
If the funeral is an option, do that, and just say--Sorry I couldn't go to both, but I thought it was more important to attend the funeral.
If she's not really a close friend, just a business associate, the flowers and sympathy card route are ok too.
2006-07-26 03:51:09 · answer #2 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you go to the funeral the following day? Can you get the time off work?
If you can not get your tickets postponed to another time then go to your game. You have purchased these tickets months in advance and have obviously been looking forward to it.
If it was an unimportant game that you did not really care about I would say skip. But if you really have been planning this for months you should follow through with your plans. And as you say, you did not know the man personaly.
If you can not go to either function, send a lot of flowers or donate generously to the deceaseds chosen charity. Be sure and include a nice heartfelt card. Maybe throw in a casserole and a cake for good measure.
2006-07-26 03:28:00 · answer #3 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are there other times for visitation, either the night before or the day after the wake, when you could stop in to offer your condolences in person?
I have two close friends who each lost in-laws yesterday. (This was two separate families.) I've never met the father-in-law of one friend, but have met the mother-in-law of the other friend. I plan on running by the funeral home for a visit tonight just to let each of my friends know that I'm thinking of them and their families at this time. Since I didn't know the one man, and only met the woman once, I don't feel that I need to go to the funerals.
2006-07-26 04:25:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mama Pastafarian 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you close friends with the father? Generally the wake should be reserved for friends of the deceased and the family, not friends of family members, except one or two close friends if the family member is especially distraught. Don't feel guilty. I would send a care package, or offer to cook some meals for your friend that can be easily frozen and reheated, that way they have less to worry about during mourning. Or you could see if a month of Molly Maid house cleaning would be appreciated, or something to that general effect. Have your office pitch in if you decide to do something like this. It's difficult to do simple day to day chores while grieving. I would appreciate such a gesture much more than flowers or something. It shows you're in tune to the actual needs of the family rather than trying to put on a facade of sympathy.
2006-07-26 03:27:35 · answer #5 · answered by sovereign_carrie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, enjoy the game, there will be plenty of other family and friends around that day that you will not be missed. Send your flowers and a card. Take in a meal for the family in a few days. She will not feel like eating, much less cooking, for a few weeks. Make sure you are around for her later when everyone else has gone. She will have hard times for months to come and will want a friend. Wait a few months and send another card just to let her know you still care.
2006-07-26 04:43:07 · answer #6 · answered by Brooke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is rude. Wakes are for people who knew the person and most of the people there are his best buddies.
It might be nice if you stopped in for a moment but if this is not possible the flowers are great. Send a sympathy card too and be especially nice at work to your friend.
2006-07-26 03:22:57 · answer #7 · answered by moonsister_98 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer your condolences, send flowers and go to the game. Your co-worker may appreciate if you do attend the wake but then that person may not. You did not know the father. I wouldn't feel badly about it since your plans were pre-existing and not able to be moved to another date.
2006-07-26 03:21:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered going to the ball game tomorrow, and to the funeral on Friday? This way, you will be able to keep your plans, but won't look rude or disrespectful to your coworker. It's just a thought.
2006-07-26 03:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by prettycute4u62040 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Offer your sorrow, send the flowers and go to the game with a clear concience. He was not your father, and she is only a friend. I know this sounds harsh, but it's true.. unless you knew him and liked him.. and people are expecting that you're going to be there (besides your friend) then you shouldn't be going.
2006-07-26 03:37:39 · answer #10 · answered by Imani 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋