my boyfriend has been talking to this girl online... i read the messages this morning. she sent him some pics and he was telling her she was pretty and sexy and a lot of flattering things. he also was asking her what she likes to wear and and ask her for her cell phone. Should i be angry about this? Should we break up over this? We have been together 1 year and 7 months..we also live together. I feel really sad and i don't know how i should react. I already told him i dont want to be with him anymore.. but should i stick to this and let him go? i love him and i dont want to be blinded by love anymore. please give me some good advice.
2006-07-26 03:10:53 · 78 answers · asked by lauritalucky@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well he does not act like he is not into me and he is romantic still... but is it cheating to be talking to a girl online like this?
2006-07-26 03:22:14 · update #1
It sounds like you are not completely happy, and he is obviously not completely happy. people stray when they are missing something in the relationship. but in this case maybe you have both grown apart a bit, and are feeling less close to each other. if that wasnt the case, ur guy wouldnt be looking elsewhere, and flirting. it happens in relationships, that maybe have used up its purpose, alot of relationships are just learning experiences, and while you may be sad that they end, in time or with a new person in your life, you will see that " hey im glad i was with him, that helped me grow as a person" and you will be happier cause you will know more of what u want, and not be settling because you have loved someone for awhile. too many people stay together out of love for each other, when they are not in love.
so i suggest letting each other go separate ways, it may hurt at first, but you will see that its for the best eventually.
especially when true love/happiness comes along.
2006-07-26 03:20:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should have a long conversation with him. Sometime when there is no fighting already going on (don't bring it up just to support another argument - that won't deal with the problem), sit him down and talk about what you've seen and read. Apologize for reading his personal things (because they are), but you should also say that if he is writing this sorts of things to another girl, perhaps there isn't enough trust left in this relationship for things to move forward on either your part or his - you read his conversation, so he can't trust you, and he's flirting with another girl online and presumably conspiring to meet her, so you can't trust him. Ask him if this is what he wants, to be with her instead of you.
Be willing to walk out if he is uncertain. If he apologizes and says he's sorry, he was bored, it was a mistake, the relationship is getting boring, etc. then you say to him that he should come to you when he has such problems rather than seeking help from random girls online.
You can resolve this, but it depends on why he's doing it. If he seems uncertain about whether or not he wants to end things, then you should walk out. He'll realize very quickly (as in a few days) if he wants you back in his life and will try to apologize. If he doesn't, then you know you made the right choice by leaving.
2006-07-26 03:16:08 · answer #2 · answered by Calindi15 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your man is attracted to an idea. If he actually could hear this person, see them, and spend time with them, chances are he wouldn't be nearly as attracted (and neither would she).
If he can admit that it's a fantasy, but one that hurts your relationship and is willing to change, you might be able to save what you have.
I think you need more help than you can get here. If you really think you and this guy have a shot, go get professional help. Someone who has a good track record in dealing with Internet relationships and escapism.
If he won't go with you, you're pretty much done. A guy will normally avoid help because he thinks it's a sign of weakness and that he can handle it himself. While it's possible he can, it's very, very rare and very hard to do. Ask yourself, does he have the will to change his own personality just like that? Chances are the answer is no.
2006-07-26 03:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-07-26 03:13:55 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Saffron♥Daydream♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you tell him what you thought about the girl & why you were upset? Let him know that you really love him but what he's done is inappropriate & that it really hurts your feelings & breaks the trust between the two of you. Make him explain what he was doing exactly, was he just being friendly or was he trying to hook up with someone else on the side? If it sounds fishy, you should probably dump him. You don't want a cheater! You want someone who only wants you! If he sounds like he was just being himself & chatting the way he would normally chat to any girl, make him know that if he can't change that because it makes you uncomfortable, then your trust in him won't ever be complete & the two of you will have problems in the future. If he really loves you & just wants to be with you, he'll do his best to please you in this situation.
2006-07-26 03:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by ~*Lady Beth*~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a hard situation to be in..because on one side you love this guy and you two live together but then again you feel like he in some way disrspected you..if it was me I would tell him exacly how I feel about it and see what he says and if he's sorry and says it will never happen again and that he was just playing around then give him a chance,but also keep your eyes open..most guys are clueless and really dont know when they've crossed a line or not...so unless he's really really done something wrong that you've seen with your own eyes..like cheat on you or if he's seeing this girl on the side then I dont think you should leave him....after all its just emails...neither one of them really knows eachother or if its even a girl he's emailing...but in the end its your choice so di what YOUR heart tells you to do..
best of luck..
2006-07-26 03:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Babygirl000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and you don't want to leave him, you have to set a boundary. You have to let him know you don't like it and that you want him to stop chatting online. Be prepared for a fight. Don't get scared. He will hate you, but if he loves you enough, he'll stay with you. If he doesn't, he'll leave and you can move on to find someone who will give you his heart.
What he's doing is called emotional cheating. It may not be physical, but in this day and age where online dating is so popular, it becomes cheating of the heart, just as bad as physical cheating, if not worse.
2006-07-26 03:28:13 · answer #7 · answered by happybirthday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These statements should be directed at you, not someone else. If a person truly loves the other they will not go out of their way to make the other person unhappy. He can not say this is unintentional, because it is. When people begin to roam from the one they love it is time to get going. Yes stick and let him go. You will find someone else that is better suited and will love you and not someone else too. Love covers a multitude of sins, but remember when you have children your options are limited. You will be OK. Cry your tears now instead of waiting to cry a lifetime of tears, because the one you love is doing harmful and hurtful things to you. This does not get better it gets worse.
2006-07-26 03:18:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him, you shoud ask him where he thinks your relationship is headed. Dont be hurt if he gives you an honest answer. This is the first sign that he is not happy in his relationship with you. He might be ready to move on, but too scared to tell you. He might be doing what most guys do and simply want a little spice and variety in his sex llife.
Telling a girl that she's attractive/ sexy is not a crime, but when he asked for her number tha's crossing the line - that's on the way to becoming way MORE than just internet friends...
Be careful with this one..
2006-07-26 03:17:40 · answer #9 · answered by SPanKin FiNe CuTiE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is taking advantage of you! He is disrespecting you. I think it is very good you can acknowledge your feelings (e.g. sad, and that you love him), yet don't let this be a reason to let him walk all over you. If he really loves you then why is he treating you like this? As sad as it is, it may be time to move on from this relationship. There are, believe it or not, faithful men out there who will not treat you the way he is treating you. You deserve better.
2006-07-26 03:20:49 · answer #10 · answered by blondjason1221 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋