Can a responsible 16 year old mother and 19 year old father properly raise a child?

Question

Hi im 16 and am having a baby. I DO NOT believe in abortion so adoption and keeping are my only options. Please post any comments/views you have on whether or not you think it is possible for my boyfriend and I to properly raise our child. The one thing that is standing in the way is I have yet to graduate HS but my Boyfriend is going into his second year of college. This is really getting to me. Thanks for your time well spent!

Answer 1

Keeping the baby is the right choice. I congratulate you, however I strongly recommend adoption for your baby into a two parent family. Your life now will be so different when your 21 and even more different when your 25. Give your baby a fighting chance. Just remember what ever your decision is, stick with it and it will be the right one.
email me, My wife and I are licensed Foster parents looking to adopt I can share with you what I have learned through our training.

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

Bless your heart! This is a really sad situation. Do you have a job even if it is p/t? I have a friend whom I work with that is a single mom, she got pregnant her first year of college. She had to quit and get a job. She is 24 now and is just now getting back into college. She has a full time job, and sometimes a part time job and goes to college. She is so stressed out. She never married and the other Grandmother helps a lot with the child. This girl is a very good mother, she puts Brianna first always!

You really need to think about this! You are probably at some point will have to work, daycare will be at least $130.00 a week. $520 a month or more. You have to buy diapers, formula, clothes, meds, wipes.........the list goes on and on! I would not depend on the boy to help a lot, more than likely he won't be there too long to help you no matter what he says. He will be forced to pay you child support........but when it is all said in done, who will make him pay you.

My ex husband just stops sometimes. The law will do nothing until you put out more money for court costs and attorney's. Unless your family has plenty of money this will be another major issue!

So, ask yourself, can you work full time take care of a child bull time, and finish school? Oh yea, by yourself? Your child will probably have a better and less stressful life if you look at adoption, or let your parents take care of it. I just don't see how you can do it! You may want to try, but you will soon find out how hard it is. At least if your mom raises the child you can get your education and still be part of the babies life. If not, you will struggle for many years! GOOD LUCK! AND GOD BLESS!

Answer 3

Hi, Niki-

My Mom was 16-years-old and my Dad was 19-years-old when I was born. I am in my mid-thirties, now, so I guess I can give you a pretty good idea of some of the struggles you may face over the next few decades or so.

The one thing that I won't discuss is money. We certainly didn't have a lot when I was growing up, but we made out OK. I don't know your financial situation or expectations, so that, to me, is a moot point.

CAN you raise a child. Yes. You wouldn't be the first or the last teenage parents to do so. The question is SHOULD you raise a child. This decision is going to have a massive impact on the rest of your life - more so than anyone who is 16-years-old could possibly perceive. This isn't a commentary on you personally it is an observation. I can look back now and recognize occurences that led to sequences of events in my life. Some of them were major and some of them were minor and I had no idea that any of them were going to be as pivotal as they were because I didn't know what would be happening in the future. The decision to keep and raise your baby will be a biggie.

You should know the following things if you decide to keep your baby:

*You will never get to be 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22.........years-old like everyone else. That doesn't sound like that big of a deal right now, but speaking from the other side I have to let you know that there is no way to even articulate how much it really is. Those are some great years. The best friends, the most fun, the best experiences and a whole lot of growing up and learning happen during those years. You will be living an adult life without the knowledge and experience gained from adult rites of passage. My mom had a hard time watching my sister and I get to live and celebrate those years - I know she really feels like she missed out. It's really a missing piece of her life and has shaped her views and behavior.

* Having a baby isn't the hard part. Easy for a guy to say, right?:) Raising a baby isn't the worst, either. Sure, its tiring and demanding, but they need you for everything and you make all the decisions. When they start to turn into people, though, that's a different story. It isn't easy to deal with a 5-year-old when you are 21-years old, or a 10-year-old when you are 26-years-old. Real desicions have to be made that are usually based on personal experience and knowledge. It isn't easy for ANYONE to deal with a 16 or 17-year-old and it will be a lot harder to deal with if you never got to be a regular 16 or 17-year-old. My parents did the best the could and I love them very much......but there were some pretty poor decisions made that had quite an impact on me. They simply didn't have the tools gained from life experience to make the best choices.

* Get ready to be lonely. A teenage mother doesn't have a lot to talk about with other girls her age who don't have kids or similar responsibilities nor with other women who have families but a completely different perspective on things due to their life experiences. You'll have one foot in both worlds.

* Get ready to be 40. There you'll be, your life half over. Your child (children) have left the nest. What now? No real career, no education, the kid(s) need you less than ever....and they'll need you less and less. What then? You'll never be sorry that you did all you could for raised your kid(s), but when this day comes you'll definitely feel it. You'll never have been anything but a child and a mother and suddenly you have to be YOU. Pretty tough to do when you don't know who YOU are.

I've already went on too long so I won't list anymore items. I'm sure that you are thinking that these things aren't that big of a deal. Well, they really are. If you keep your baby, get ready to face the challenges.

Lastly, consider who would be able to provide a better life for the baby, you or adoptive parents. I know you've heard this one already, but be sure to give it a lot of thought. I've written a lot about what happens to you, but this is really all about the baby who, if you keep him/her, you will be trying to make the best decisions for to assure they have the best life possible. Whether to keep the baby is the first one you will have to make.

Good Luck.
God Bless.

Answer 4

No. Why? You said it right in your question. "Responsible" 16 year old mother. If you were "responsible" you would not have become pregnant in the first place!

However, the good news is that it is possible for you to still salvage the situation. If you are unwilling to put the baby up for adoption, then you are GOING to be need help. Don't be too proud to ask for it.

You MUST finish school. It's difficult enough to get a job WITH a high school diploma, let alone without one. In addition, you're going to need a college education. Find out about all the grants and loans that you can. You have to face the probability that you will end up a single parent. It's not pleasant, but it could become reality and you owe it to yourself and your child to be employable and able to support the two of you.

Look into daycare programs specifically geared toward teenaged mothers. There are a lot of them around where you don't pay for childcare, you co-op it by working there to babysit other children.

Take any parenting classes that are offered.
Seriously consider breastfeeding. It's much healthier for the child AND for you, and it's FREE. If you have difficulty, don't wimp out immediately, seek help from a lactation consultant. (and don't start solid food before 4-6 months of age, as it can increase the risk of food allergies)
Start saving money NOW.

Take a breath, relax and trust your instincts. They WILL help.

Answer 5

You are young but I think it's possible. A baby takes a lot of resonsibilty, any selfishness must go out the window if you want to raise this child properly. The main thing you will need to look at is what kind of support system do you have? I'm hoping that your boyfriend is very excited about being a father and a provider for his family. The dynamics of a relationship do change after you have a child. The two of you need to be aware of that. How about your family and friends, how do they feel? There will be days that you will need to lean on someone other than your boyfriend, who will be feeling pressure. Also, look at your long term goals. Do you want to finish HS or get your GED? Unfortunatley your self-esteem may sink but if you have a goal and remind yourself of that goal it will be better. There really is no job out there that is more important than raising the next generation.
I think it's great that you asked this question. I feel that even though you are young, you will be a great parent because of your concern.
Congrats on the baby.

Answer 6

By your asking the question, I can sense that you have some fears, uncertainties and doubts. I cannot blame you for that and I can say, that is normal for teenagers like you who are in such a predicament. But frankly, you do not need other people to validate you.

If you are really sincere and consider yourself a 'responsible' person, then, ANY challenges that may come along your way (even the fact of raising a child), shouldn't hinder you from achieving your goals in life. Yes, life for you and your boyfriend could be tough and both of you are yet to encounter more challenges that will really shake you and move you, and would really test your relationship with each other. BUT to have FULL ACCEPTANCE of your present situation with a whole heart and with a good plan on how you will try your very best to weather the storms, then I can say that you are truly a person who is responsible and doesn't easily give up. I can say that you and your BF can still be good parents to your own child.

I suggest that you and your boyfriend would set aside a time for you to sit down and really talk things over. Best if you can have a pen and paper with you so you can write down your plans and strategies in life. Consider your present situation and try to know what are your present and possible resources (parents who are willing to help; whether your bf has a job; where you are staying right now; any loans that you can get so your bf can continue studying; etc.) Talk things out- be sincere. Draw out a plan for both of you and your child. Consider your priorities (ie. is it that both of you have to finish studying first? How about your baby? Or, maybe your bf can graduate first, etc.). Remember that there are also sacrifices to make. You may not be able to achieve everything at the same time but with a good plan and by sticking to it, you will be able to achieve them. Also, do consider the fact that you will be a mother soon- and once you give birth, your baby is then your new priority.

Overall, do pray to God for guidance and direction. At this time, you need His help and always remember that He is faithful and just and loves you just the way you are.

Answer 7

Its possible you can do it. I managed to graduate high school a full year early and while pregnant so if I can do it, you can too. As long as you both have family to support you and you both have jobs or at least one of you does, then good. Its a HUGE responsibility being a parent especially a young one. You wont be able to go to parties, hang out with friends, etc. You have to focus on the baby. Its a 24/7 job that lasts year round until the child is able to move out. You also cant expect everyone to buy everything you need for the baby because it doesnt work that way at all.

Answer 8

You can certainly do an admirable job of being a parent at that age if you are emotionally ready. People have been having children from young ages for centuries and across the world. It just is currently not traditional in the United States. If that's what you really want and are planning on working for it, yes, you can do it.

I would look, however, and what type of life you can offer this child right now. You may finish high school with a lot of effort and help from family, but is that enough to truly provide for this child? In today's world, you really need a college degree to have enough financial stability in the workforce to raise a child. Do you want a child of yours to see that you essentially gave up your chances at success in what you want to do to raise them? Yes, they'll know you wanted them, but they may not have the same opportunities as if you gave the child up for adoption.

I know there are programs where the birth mother can help select the adoptive parents. That might be an attractive offer for you, because then you'd be able to know your child was going to a loving home that would be able to provide for him. You can also make a clause in the adoption that it be 'open', meaning you can be a part of your child's life throughout the whole thing if you'd like. However, I recommend doing a 'partially open' adoption, meaning the child will have access to your contact information at a reasonable age (say somewhere in their teens) so that they can have a normal life with their adoptive parents in their early childhood. They will most likely be grateful for the sacrifice you made by giving them up to someone who was in a better place in their lives to have a child.

I know this has to be difficult, so take time and talk to people you care about. You WILL have to tell your parents since you aren't getting an abortion, so be sure to talk through different options with them. You can contact the Planned Parenthood in your area for different options. Contrary to popular belief, they are not solely there to assist in abortions. If you tell them that you have decided an abortion is not right for you and would like to explore other options, they will certainly help you in any way they can.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Please don't think I am being harsh when I say this..but if you were really responsible you wouldn't be pregnant in the first place. I am speaking from experience when I say this because I became an unwed mother at the ripe old age of 18..my boyfriend was 20. We married a few months after our son was born but because of his laziness and lack of desire to become employed and support us, we divorced a little over a year later.

I was left on my own to raise my son. My mother refused to speak to me because I chose to stay with my boyfriend/husband. I went to college and raised him at the same time. It wasn't easy but it can be done. Anyway, to make a long story short..yes you can raise a child at that age. It is not impossible. It will be extremely hard and your own childhood is now behind you. Please make sure that you remain close to your parents and I hope that they support you and help you all that they can because that is very important. My son is now 24 years old..has been in the Navy for 6 years and is a very responsible capable adult. I am very proud of him. My mom wanted me to have an abortion but I like you chose to keep him and raise him to the best of my ability and have NEVER regretted it..not even for a minute.

Good Luck!!

Answer 10

I think that there are positive and negative sides to both keeping and adoption.

If you keep this child, your life as a teenager or as an individual will end for a long time. You become mom first and everything else last. You will have to think about how you will support the baby (they cost a lot) when the daddy isn't around. Most of the time in this situation, the dad won't stick around long. And even if he does stick around, you will end up doing most of the work yourself, trust me. I know that's hard to hear, but it's the truth. And I almost guarantee that you won't be able to graduate once you have this baby; taking care of the baby will consume your life.

If you give up this baby, you will think about him every day that you live, you will wonder and you will miss him. But you could give him to a wonderful family that never could have their own children, and he could be raised with everything you won't be able to afford to give him.

Answer 11

I had my first child when I was 18 and I thought I knew it all then.. when he came it was a big wake up call.. I had no idea what I was doing.. I just knew I loved him and that he needed the best possible life I could give him so I got a job and worked and worked to pay for everything.. it's hard but if you put your mind to it you can do it.. Division of Family Services has things you can apply for that will aid you finanically if you need it.. I strongly urge you to finish high school.. I know there are a lot of schools these days that will help young moms.. As long as the father is involved with you things should be fine.. It's not going to be easy but good luck..