What do when you want to discipline your child but loving them so much makes it hard for you..?

Question

-LIKE WHEN THEY CRY SO MUCH FOR NOTHING (EVEN WHEN YOU GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT)
-WHEN THEY SHOW OUT IN PUBLIC BC THEY KNOW PEOPLE ARE WATCHING... SHE IS SMART FOR A 2YR OLD

Answer 1

Sweets, this is a very good question. There is an old saying that if you "spare the rod you spoil the child." I am not advocating spankings, on the contrary. I believe that spankings have been way over-rated and over-used. But the principle here is to definitely discipline. In every child there is some sort of effective discipline you can find and use. Use it very sparingly, but really use it. Remember that you should want to break a childs will, but never his/her spirit.

Why use discipline at all? Because you have to. If you do not use some form of discipline to show your child the guidelines you have for her, the police will be doing it 10 - 11 - or 12 years from now. Anyone who says that children should be totally free to explore their world and determine for themselves which direction they will take either do not have children or their children are very young and have not gotten into the trouble they will eventually get in.

All kids need guidelines and boundaries. Without them they become domestic terrorists totally disruptive - no morals - no values - no consequences for the choices they make. It is easier to put a child in a corner for trying to touch a hot stove than to allow the child to make the choice to touch the hot stove and deal with the pain later. See what Social Services has to say about allowing children to explore their own world with no direction, no discipline. Even they see the value of guidelines.

When kids cry for things, do not give in or they have been taught that crying gets them what they want. When they show out in public and get away with it, they again are taught that acting out gets them what they want - stop what you are doing immediately and take them home. Give them a time out...

Answer 2

I'm not preaching to you, but my mother in law had the same problem, I mean my kids could have hit her (which they never would have) and she would have just loved and kissed them, or laughed about it, and never disciplined them. In the bible God says that if you love your children you HAVE to discipline them to show them the right or wrong way. I hate disciplining my kids to, but I know in my heart that it has to be done. After they are off of their punishment I ask them if they understand why they were punished and talk to them about the wrong of what they did and then I tell them how much I love them. You can do the same to a 2 year old too, don't be giving her everything, she knows how to do it and get all she wants at this age.

Answer 3

two year olds are going to test you that is part of their normal behavior. have to remember you are the adult and are modeling appropriate behavior for your daughter. extremes are inappropriate, ie don't want to not provide guidance and also don't want to constantly punish... that said you need to establish ground rules and be consistent. ur daughter sounds like she is use to getting her way, so it will be challenging for you to reestablish the tempo of her behavior, especially without feeling guilty or what ever feeling you have that allows you to give in to her demands...

if she begins crying (assuming a challenge of authority and not because sick, in dirty diaper, fell etc...) establish a clear time out zone, say her room, place her in it and let her calm down!!! I am assuming her room has been looked over and is a safe environment for her... the first few times will be the hardest, loud and long... but you must not give in and not feel guilty!!! once she starts respecting you at home, apply same basic but consistent guidelines for public... keep this simple but be consistent and stop the behavior as soon as it starts!!! I cant stress that enough.

Remember the first few times will be the hardest and she will test how far to push you.. safe guard the area u use and keep her in it until she calms down and you can reason with her on your terms, not hers...

Answer 4

The question is do you care more about your feelings or hers. If you are thinking of hers then you will put aside yourself to teach her the tools of life that will make her happy as an adult. When someone says I love them too much to discipline them then its really about your own feelings and not theirs. Small people need boundries to learn control for the future. Discipline is not intented to be cruel its was intented to help the ones we love. It comes in many forms. Use the one that allows you not to feel overwhelm with guilt. Timeouts, ect...The no's your teaching today will make the no's much easier when teen years come. You are forming the relationship and response to bad behaviors now for the future.

Answer 5

I just have to look at other peopels undisciplined older children - to realize that I don't want my daughter to be like that when she grows up. You can also discipline in a loving way - you don't have to me an ogre to make your point or show her right from wrong.

Kids need you to be in charge, to tell them no, etc... It shows kids that you care and that you love them (even as they are screaming - you're the meanest mommy in the world).

Answer 6

I have only one thing to tell you: Please discipline your child! Do this without anger, but do it. Just because you love her. If you don't, she'll grow without limits and you'll find yourself thinking some day: "I don't know what to do with this girl anymore!", because she bacame a big problem. Trust me: disciplining your child will make her sad in the moment, but will make her love you much more when she understands that it was good for her.

Answer 7

I have kids and they are so different I had one like your daughter but it was my son. i had to leave the store and go home and let him have it out in another room to let him calm down and for me to get a grip of myself.
You MUST not give in and give her what she wants start a plan say a sticker good behavior that does work and so many stickers gives her a prize that she can pick out.
If she is that dominate and strong willed you need to find a safe and approiate way to give her power so she had that "I'm in control" hehehhe This is my daughter so I had a good mix of the tantrums son and hte strong opinionated girl! Good Luck!

Answer 8

Congradulations.
Thats why kids are kids,
You cant expect any other behaviour from kiddos, and all of them are like that,
I have a son who throws up tantrums. Whenever he does that I hug him tight and hold him and kiss him, that after a few minutes he is calm. try that,
Dont treat them like u do Grownups,
Let them grow slowly, as per thier predetermined mental speed and grasping power.
Be calm and dont show the kid you are annoyed,
That way the kid learns that shouting and crying will not draw your attention, when the kid does it in public ignore it.
try for a few weeks and all will be well.
Best of luck New Mommy..........LOL

Answer 9

Discipline her anyway. It's because you love her that you're raising her right, which means teaching her right from wrong and how to behave. And when you're really concerned about it, just remember that kids have short memories; being punished for misbehaving at this age is not going to permanently scar her. It's for her own good.

Answer 10

Discipline is one of the greatest forms of love.
It does not have to be and should not be cruel.
A smart 2-year-old will understand a firm 'no' if it is paired with gentleness.