Do you think not being raised or being raised with a father effects your relationships?

Question

Good morning to all I was just wondering if you think that being raised with a father in your home or not in your home has an effect negatively or positively in your future, past or present relationships?

I personnally think my father being in my home and married to my mom for 39 years showed me that there are men who work to take care of home, love, honor, and cherish his wife and family. He showed me what sacarfice is and that he could be a man to whom I could compare my potential husband to. Additionally having a father eliminated alot of the negaitve influences in my life because of his strong will to guide me to become independent, respectful, and somewhat conservative with my sexuality. So, I believe having a father in my home who was a provider and mentor did influence my relationship in such detail that my fiance has many attributes of my father.

My father passed a year ago and I still make decisions in my life with his influence although he isn't here any longer.

Answer 1

Yes, regardless of the "neuterization" of our culture, I think the father makes a notable difference in the children -- not just by being there, but in how he relates to the kids.

Moms sometimes try to fill the role of both parents when the father is not "there" (bless them for their efforts!), but they can't fill two opposing roles, one being nurturer and the other being the "driver." Kids have trouble submitting to the authority of their nurturer (parents have all experienced how kids invariably respond to the parent of either gender), and need someone to set boundaries, guide them actively, and push them to apply themselves. Both parents do this in some ways, but I have seen kids "perk up" and "find direction" when the dad is actively involved in ways they don't respond to the mom.

The father strongly provides hands-on guidance, he teaches the kids "how to do things" (dads are great at that), he provides a moral example of how to handle aggression/threats and pressure in an assertive but compassionate way. He also shows how to direct one's "strength" (whether his "sexual" energy or just personal drive) in ways that are not destructive to himself and others -- in ways that show self-sacrifice rather than self-indulgence. Kids without dads often experience a lack of direction, lack of discipline, passivity, uncertainty, and so forth.

I know I do. My father was physically present (well, mostly) but had drinking issues, was not emotionally available, and thus had a large negative impact on my emotional development/maturity. My own kids are half-grown already, yet I'm still trying to learn the same lessons I'm responsible for teaching them. I guess we're all growing together.

I also have trouble knowing how to relate to my wife, since I had a bad example in childhood. Everything has been "new territory" for me, unlearning bad patterns and learning positive ones.

Answer 2

I'm glad you asked this question because I have somewhat to say about it.
In fact, I've often thought about writing on such topics.

Let's just start with a few basic personal facts:

My parents separated when i was 3 and my younger brother - 1.
We lived with and grew up with only a mother - a matriarchal home only.

Both of us, now in our 50s, have been divorced.
My brother is yet to find another.
He has also spent 5 years in jail - not sure whether he was really guilty or not, but either way, even innocent, the whole ordeal could carry other implications that stem from lack of male authority in the home, and reluctance to accept public authority.
I don't know.
He was interned on the charge that he privately violated his oldest 2 daughters.
He has 7 children, and even now that he has been out for 18 months, none of them will contact him.

My first marriage failed quite quickly, even with our strong Church background and personal active service.

I remarried, but BOY!! has it been tough and quite a struggle in many ways.
We have been married about 23 years now.
I still find some situations overwhelming; in fact, I often think I am still failing in life, despite that I have 5 children to my 2nd wife.
And I still have problems with pornography

Fortunately, we have the Church ... and underneath it all, I know all my family loves me [ which is more than my poor brother can say - God Bless him. It must be tough! He also lives 2 states away]

To make things even togher here, my wife is from a 3rd World island country of small population ... an entirely different culture altogether .... PLUS [and this is most KEY to your query]
She also hails from a Fatherless home - til she was 18.
Apparently, the original father had 2 [I think] then ran the field and left for America.
Underneath it all, she has never really forgiven him and has not learnt how to get close and affectionate to males.
I find that very tough - especially, given my own uncertain background!!!

I hope this applies food for thought for those considering becoming a broken family!

You ask if it is better then, for the children to witness arguing, fighting parents that remain together, or whether they are better off if the parents separate?

WELL .... YOU TELL ME!!!

Answer 3

Yeah. But it depends on the father. Some are good and some aren't ready to be fathers. I wish my mother had made an effort to at least reconcile with my father years ago, before they both went crazy....or find another man. I suffered so much emotional stress because of my parents and am a shell of a person because of their selfishness. I am at the point where I can let go and forgive, but it's not 100%. My EX-husband won't have anything to do with me and my son. So now it's up to me to find a role model for my son. Life's a b'.

Answer 4

You are one of the blessed!!I definitly know a father being around molds and shapes the furture of a child.I know because i had a father and 3 step-dads by the time i was 13,so i missed out on positive male(father)effect in my life.I left home at 14,and never looked back,i wish i could have had a father figure in my life to show me the way.God bless:O)

Answer 5

ABSOLUTLEY!!

My father lived with my mother and was married but my mother mainly raised me, my dad just sat at the table, ate with us, and then watched TV.. he wasn't a daddy, just a father if you know what I mean.

I found not understanding men difficult when I started to be in relationships, I only had my mother's and Aunts' opinions of men and how they frustrated her, then my father was practically a big lump so I figured all men were.

My current Boyfriend and I broke up four times in the past 3 years. We're now stable that he's helped me figure out men aren't stupid or big lumps, contrary to 20 years of living at home has taught me.

So yes, I absolutley agrere with you, a GOOD father in the home teaches a girl how to shape a realtionship.

Sorry to hear about your father, he sounds like a great man.

Answer 6

I think all children should have 2 parents. A father does play an important role in a girl's life but a strong trusted male figure can also make a big difference.

Answer 7

I have no father in my life and he was out of my life when I was 2 find out that I was deaf and dumb. then he called 18 years later want to talk to me and I talked to him that i have hearing aids and talk very well. and he was shocked and move with dad when mom and dad remarried and didn't last 2 months. The only thing he tells me sorry when he totally drunk and didn't remember next day. later found out that my real father passed away Feb. 06' and uncle first time in 34 years talk to him told me that my real father not hate me and he was so sorry for not being a great father and stuff like that. I came out visit with dad side family first time 34 years everyone was shocked to see me look like my real dad.

I met alot kids that talk about my dad how much he done for them and listen to them. Wow, It didn't make me mad it shows that he is a good father to others kids. smiling. I asked my uncle if he can be my father he said why? I told himbecasue you are twin with my father and I have no father. soon my son will be born and I don't know how. I know what baby girls and women how to understand but son not idea what to do. so he said sure son now it been great and know i been learning my uncle now my dad, and i share with my son.

It the best thing for me and I learn to be the best father and I don't have to be like my real dad and I know what it like not having a father for 34 years and hear the last final words telling me before his death. so, there.

smiling.

Answer 8

You are an extremely lucky person to have had a home environment and a life as you have...you will continue to make life decisions based on your upbringing and I am sure your children will do the same...I am on the downhill slide to 70 and I assure you, coming from as large family that is as dysfunctional as most families of this day and age...I envy you.

Answer 9

There are definitely some sturdy effects. If the mum is suffering, they be responsive to the thank you to assist and help people so this could be sturdy whilst they get into relationship and stuff. The undesirable effects are that they are going to smack the shizz out of the father in the event that they ever get to work out him.

Answer 10

A father is a mentor, teacher, supporter....

We learn from being with our fathers and seeing how they relate to our mothers too..

Sons need a father to learn how to grow into the role of being a man. A daughter needs a father to learn how to relate better.

Fathers are (mostly) loving and caring. Fathers need to be loved too, hug your dad today, tell him you love him.

Finally, the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother..

Peter