I welcome input from everyone who has something to contribute, but I am especially eager to hear from Christians.
I have a friend who has been separated from his wife for nearly four years. They are both Born Again Christians, and she, especially, professes to be very active and faithful. They live in separate households, and she refuses to have anything to do with him. She will only talk to him about their daughter, and will hang up on him if the conversation turns personal in any way. She refuses to go to counselling, to discuss their problems, or to get a divorce.
About once every 6 weeks, she invites him over for sex. It is entirely at her discretion, and when she is in the mood. If he says no, she does not allow him to have their child on the weekends. He is not allowed to ask for sex when he wants it.
It seems to me like a convenient way to have sex and pretend you aren't sinning, as I see no characteristics of a real marriage here. What are your thoughts, please?
2006-07-26 00:39:49 · 17 answers · asked by Bronwen 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I think I should clarify a few things.
1. I am asking not because I want to judge but because I am trying to understand. I am one of the only people he feels comfortable discussing this with, and I would like other perspectives to help me when he asks for advice, which he does quite frequently.
2. He himself is not comfortable with it, but he is terrified of saying no to her for fear she will not allow him to see his daughter at all.
3. The reason I put this in the religion and spirituality section is because the Born Again aspect is a very large part of their marriage. When they were first separated, she frequently told him that her actions were the result of serious prayer and scripture study. She also claims her sexual rights are part of his duty as a good Christian husband, and that he sins if he does not satisfy her needs.
2006-07-26 01:04:40 · update #1
That is a horrible thing to do! It is also very unchristian. First of all refusing counseling is wrong. If they are married God wants their marriage to succeed. She obviously needs counseling for more than one reason. Personally I think in this situation having sex is still wrong because there is no love involved in it. Its purely physical to her and she is toying with him and their child. The husband needs to get some solid evidence of her insane behavior and use it in court. God doesn't like divorce but in this case something needs to be done. For the sake of the child if nothing else.
2006-07-26 00:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Marci S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good that they can show love for the children, but to be in a separate household and to meet for sex once in a while is absurd. Either this person is telling the story a little different the it really is or He enjoys being dangled on a string. If he wants to be married, he should state his side of the case to her and if she still chooses to go her own way then this too is a form of adultery, or unbelieving according to God's word. He has the right to divorce an unbeliever, unless God is instructing otherwise.
Maybe he likes it that way too? Just can't live under the same roof but chooses to be married in this abstract way? Something doesn't seem like all the pieces are in place, that is for sure.
2006-07-26 07:51:16 · answer #2 · answered by happylife22842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it what should be the main tenant of anyones "Christian" faith if it does not revolve around Love. To be so self absorbed and selfish to demand intimacy from another that isn't reciprocal is not a marriage its a convenience. If she truly loved her daughter and her husband she would not use them as bargaining chips in the first place. I would be very cautious about a "friend" like this because you are being used or will be soon as well. Real love and friendship springs from doing things for others because you "want to" not because your "have to". xx
2006-07-26 07:52:00 · answer #3 · answered by southforty1961 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that people are people and that no one is void of flaws! I really dont understand what them being Christian has to do with that?.... Not for nothing but people put this vail on christians when Honest to God we are all just trying to find the way and please God... Is the wife wrong? Maybe... but if the husband was so upset about the situation he would leave. So maybe he isnt telling you the complete story and wants you to fell sympathtic towards his situation. Trust me Christian or not... No one is going to just let someone run over them... And use and abuse their body for sex nontheless a "Born Again" Christian because those brothers and sisters and usually on thier p's and q's determined not to go back to the life they used to live. Praise God.... But like I said perhaps the both of them like the situation that they have and for future reference there is 3 sides to every story. Mine, yours, and the truth... Maybe your friend is keeping a lil of the truth from you. As Christians maybe they are afraid to divorce or still seeking counsel from someone within the chruch but dont base their marriage just based on what your "friend" is telling you.
2006-07-26 07:49:34 · answer #4 · answered by comingofage03 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I'm not Christian, but I think here nothing relates to Christian.
Here every thing is personal. She is acting rude and takes all decision for her convenience only. She do not go for divorce b'coz she don't want it. Do not go for counseling b'coz she fears that she will be necked with her ugly thoughts and wishes under the name of Christianity. She is killing his husband’s life in every manner. I don't know why this man wants to hang on with her. May be b'coz of kids. I just can say this man need to kick her on her *** and dump her. He can get lot more better then her.
2006-07-26 07:54:36 · answer #5 · answered by Raj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is using him and the children to her advantage but he is still her husband and she has sexual desire so instead of committing adultery she is doing it the best way she see fit in order to please her self. Remember one thing not everyone that say jesus means it and I would say that her walk with christ needs pray because she may not realized that she hurting both her husband and her children. Her husband needs to take control of his life and dont let her control him with sex because if he wants a divorce he can get one, if he wants to see his kids he can their is a place call the court that will enforce the law that she have no choice to take the children to him this change will open her eyes to understand that the game she is playing is over he is not playing. Tell to be the man and dont let her wear the pants.
2006-07-26 07:53:50 · answer #6 · answered by adb6311 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not press charges. Since the man is forced to have sex with this woman at her discretion. However, it does sound to me that she taking custody of their child by force is in fact not lawful.
No offense, but you are wasting time using religion to make arguments when this is clearly something that the court should decide. I think u get my idea now.
2006-07-26 07:48:58 · answer #7 · answered by zatte 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fruit of vain imagination (*) ?
Schizoid tendencies ?
Both mind-boggling possibities.
(*) Yours maybe ?
Actually the alleged six week interval constitute mental cruelty. And what judge wooden laff his buns off the bench hearing the father's LEGITIMATE complaint.
There's an an idiot in this here story, a flame, even. The alleged father who ostensibly is unaware of the law. Or...
2006-07-26 07:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the eyes of God they are still married, so there is no sinning related to the sex. But, as all the others have said, it sounds like she's totally self absorbed and is using both her husband and their daughter. She needs counceling!
Have you mentioned any of this to her pastor????
2006-07-26 07:48:21 · answer #9 · answered by David T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 Corinthians 7
Principles for Marriage
"1Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
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10To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11(but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."
2006-07-26 07:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋