my dads dying?

Question

my dad got took into hospital 2 weeks ago after collapsing in the house. last week i got told hes not going to make it and got told dont know how long he has. my family are blamingmy mum for not looking after him properly. hes 72. shes73. worried about my dad obviously n scared. never had someone close die b4. but worried bout my mum too as she doesnt know about bills and things and my family arent gonna be there for her and i live far away. confused and upset

Answer 1

awww im so sorry to read your story. its not ur mums fault that this has happened life dose awfull things to us sometimes. As you have said your mum nows nothing about paying bills or anything and you live so far away why dont you phone the council they have home help people that can help your mum with everything like that email me if you ever wanna talk im a good listner

Answer 2

Its a sad situation and my sympathy's go with you..as I have been there...Your better off sticking by your mum because if you say your family blames her for his deterioration then to hell with them for God's sake shes in her 70's and is not as well able to cope anymore like when she was young, not to mention your all scattered about the country so how is she supposed to do everything on her own with no help at all..

Have you thought of the NHC and the Social sorting out some home help for her? You only get one Mum and dad in this life and if needs be then you should move back home to help her out for a while or else try and get another Job close to her and move back to your hometown. Remember your Parents spent there lives looking after and raising you and your siblings to send you out into the world.
Maybe you could direct debit her bills among you all so she needn't worry about that sort of thing, after all a pension does not go far these days and shouldn't your mum be able to live without worry at this stage of her life...
I hope your dad pulls through and I wish you all the best...

Answer 3

I am so sorry. I pray that you will be surrounded by people who will comfort you and help you heal.

You need to be the voice of reason in this situation. Make a point of speaking to your family. They do not have the right to put this burden on your mum. Your dad was a grown man and should've taken the responsibility to look after his own health. Your mum cannot be held accountable for this. Be very supportive of your mum right now. Try in all situations to be patient and kind. There is a rough road ahead of you. If at all possible try and go to your mom for a couple of days to show you love and support and help with the bills and paperwork that she'll have to deal with.

Answer 4

Oh, that's so sad. I'm very sorry, indeed.

Okay, first of all, can't you ask some friends or other different relatives? You may be away, but surely your mother isn't and can't she ask herself? To others? Of course, she probably can't, huh? And a flight home isn't possible?

Well, after thinking about all of the possible solutions, I want you to think that no matter what happens, for you to realize that it's not the end. It may be the end on Earth for your father, but that only hurts you because you're still staying down here. Now, I don't know if you're religious or not, but my point is is that though death will do part you both, it won't be the same in Heaven. And, if your father is so sick right now, it's probably best if he goes... and finally, he'll probably be with everyday- just not in the same way... ;) Good luck and sincere best wishes for you.

You and your family are in my prayers... :)

Answer 5

oh sweetheart i am so sorry for what is happening and poor mum also , how can she look after dad properly at such an age , bless her
right now though your family will be angry and looking for someone to blame as they don't know how to cope with their hurt and direct it properly .. just very sad mum is on the receiving end
maybe when the time comes that mum needs help with coping , you could see about getting her some live in help or someone to visit ( like social workers or nurse etc ) or possibly see about sheltered accommodation for mum where she will be secure and in a place where people are on call when needed
bless you and love to you xx

Answer 6

I am so sorry this is such a sad time for you .
Please dont give up on your Mum, an Elderly friend of mine just went through the same thing. She was so upset at everyone blaming her for her husband's death. We all must die. But to blame a loving wife NO. Be there for each other you both need as much support as possible. A phone call , a note . A prayer.
There are support groups. ask the hospital for help.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, but life is not about blaming others for what they could have done themselves to help in any situation, you are all going through a very bad time right now and blame is something none of you need now or in the future, how can your family not be there for your mother when her husband is so ill and not to be there for her afterwards, my goodness why do they seem to think it is only them that this is affecting, please try to talk to them and stop them becoming victims of their own selfishness, you all need each other now and for a long time after, try to put your differences to one side and be there to love and hold each other, people like Help the Aged will be more than happy to help her understand her money and payments situation, they are very sympathetic and understanding, please talk to a bereavement councillor for help before and after your sad situation, phone your mom every week even though you are far from home, she will appreciate it and feel loved that someone cares how she feels..

Answer 8

Nice answer westside....Not.......How insensitive can you be.
Sorry to hear about your situation. If the rest of your family are not willing to help then maybe you have to find a way of communicating with your mum to help her with her bills etc. Find out about financial situation and spend a couple of minutes of your day going through things with her on the telephone. It will help your mum and make you feel better knowing she will be ok. Let her know you are there for her....but also you do have your own life....so let her know what your plans are from day to day and week to week. When your mum will be alone because of the unfortunate situation with your dad it will bring you closer to her.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that your Dad is sick. My Dad dies when he was 74.

Stay close to God and He will show you the way. Have you considered asking your Mom to come and live with you? Are there other family members she can live with? The Bible is very clear that we are to support the widows, especially our own family.

Are you a believer? Are you in a church body? Do you have someone close you can talk to about preparing for your Dad's death? This will be a tough time for you and you need to have folks close by to help you cope and plan. These are tough times; hang on to a tough God!

Answer 10

You need to be there for your mum. Try to spend as much time with your parents these next two weeks. Put the family straight but don't have arguements around your dad. Blame always happens when people are upset. Talk to your family, tell em your dad would want them to help her.
Good Luck, thoughts are with you!