Is it just me?? I mean, I'm a mother, seperated from my husband, and as much as things are not great between my ex and I ... I think that the UK Legal system is SO unfair on Fathers.
I mean, without getting too personal... I hate the fact that mothers can F off with their kids to a different country or whatever, and ask for half of everything!!! Yes - Fair enough if they own things like pensions and homes etc. but I just think if they don't own it, or haven't worked for it... they should get Sweet FA of it!
It really winds me up!!!!!!! Because no matter what my ex could have ever done to me - I couldn't take my son away from his daddy, they are too close, and I would never ask for half of his pension or life assurance. All I would ask is that our son get what he's entitled to!
And I don't mean any offence to some of my friends on here, cause they have been in different situations than me and have had to take kids away etc. So Sorry if this hurts xox
What do you reckon?
D*
2006-07-25 21:47:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Hi there!
To be honest, I don’t care that the system sucks, that its unfair, that we are treat like we are not supposed to care, that females are the best parents, ( No offence ladies, you are).
The one underlying issue is that, you miss your little girl..
When my dad, God rest him, told me that I should grow up to be a man, I had no idea that these kind of things were what he was training me for, in fairness, neither did he.
Well, I am a man, and, as mum says, I might not be the best but there are ten billion worse. I try my best and do what I can, I travel 1400 miles every third weekend to play a part in my little girls life.
Honest, im not complaining about the drive, the finance, the system etc. just some dads aren’t as bad as lots of people think, I try my best and my little girl will always no exactly how much she is loved, cared for and never alone.
Im upset now so I guess ive said enough, not the kind of question you should answer when you’ve had a beer!
2006-07-26 09:46:50 · answer #1 · answered by willw8andc 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well your viewpoint does you credit. I've been appalled by the way fathers are treated. I think its a shame that the Fathers for Justice came unstuck like it did.
The issue of pensions is complex but I do think that its fair if a wife has sacrificed her own career to bring up children whilst a husband has pursued his then she should get some tangible benefit from her sacrifice. After all she has probably knackered her own pension rights by doing this.
I have two children and I know it would crucify me if I didn't see them every day. The idea that every other weekend is reasonable access for a father is ridiculous. All too often children are used as pawns in the ongoing and acrimonious dispute between parents. If only everyone had your attitude!
2006-07-26 04:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by powkesmore 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you totaly! I was daddy's little girl when my parents separated then with time i saw him less and less to the point where i felt uncomfortable, i mean is this right? I think the kids should keep a close relationship with both parents it is vital for the kids.I think it is a pitty that a relationship between a father and his son/daughter is lost just because the relationship with the wife is not working. I think it might get to the point where a man may stay with his wife just to see his kids!
Fair enough if you do not get on with your partner you have to separate but don't try to get at him by using your kids as it is them that will suffer in the long run, believe me!
2006-07-26 05:02:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A male friend of mine recently got a letter from the CSA demanding payment of arrears going back 8 years. Apparently his ex (who he left because she kept cheating on him) has an 8 year old daughter, which he didn't know until this letter arrived, & she has only just claimed maintenance from him through the CSA. He does not believe this child is his, but he has to pay her £170 week maintenance plus arrears. He requested a DNA test & has been told that he must pay £600 for one - if he's not the father, he'll get the maintenance payments back but not the test fee! He has a week to register his request for the test, but she has 28 days to reply to the request. What is fair about this? Why should he pay for a child he never knew existed, & isn't even allowed to meet now? Why did she wait 8 years instead of telling him when she discovered she was pregnant? They were together for 5 years before they parted, so it's not as if he was one of her many one-night stands. So yes, I can understand where you are coming from, and as for the CSA, goodbye to bad rubbish!!!
2006-07-26 12:06:48 · answer #4 · answered by devildriver53 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good that you are both mature enough to put things to one side so that your son can still be close to his father. It takes two to have a child and I believe that children need both a mother and a father.
The law should merely ensure that the parent who has custody is able to provide for the child and that the absent parent should make some contribution to this too.
Its always seemed a bit unfair on fathers!
2006-07-26 04:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by ehc11 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely and totally agree with you. My stepdaughters mother called me last year and just dropped into the conversation that they were moving abroad.
There was absolutely NOTHING my husband or I could do about it. This is after 10 years of paying maintenance and seeing her regularly. He's done everything by the book... and more.
So so unfair. The CSA was also very unbalanced on the females side... glad to see the back of that agency.
2006-07-26 04:53:50 · answer #6 · answered by dashabout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. although i had 2 take my son away from his dad as he was very violent towards me and sometimes our son, social services have banned him from seeing my son for his wellbeing. i do agree though that if a child's dad has never given any reason for concern for the way they treat their child that they should be allowed 2 see them. making the child was a 50/50 thing so surely raising them should be too?
and most ppl think that dads dont care about their kids as much as the mums but they can care about the child just as much. also it can really upset the child involved 2 be banned from seeing their dad and result in resenting the mother.
2006-07-26 05:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have taken my kids away. every situation is different. my ex is not the type of person anymore who i would want around my kids. he hasnt tried for visiting anyway. says it all. i have never had a penny from him towards my kids and i never will even though he works. in my situation it is more a case of not being able to have him in our lives. but that suits me fine. i truly feel for those fathers who have no access and are committed to their children but some fathers are NOT like that. you are lucky
2006-07-26 08:17:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i recon we should put the boot on the other foot.let the dads run of with the kids and half of everything and see what a stink that would cause.i have been to hell and back with the csa and i kid you not you dont no how low you can get.any way ,wont bore you with that but its refreshing to hear from so many mothers that arent out to string you up.kind regards ian.
2006-07-26 06:55:24 · answer #9 · answered by bigako 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered a question which discrimates mothers for having maternity leave...I believe the system is unfair. And i have a work colleague who is losing a battle with an ex and he can't win...**** THE SYSTEM
2006-07-26 05:22:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋