how to deal with friend's suicide?

Question

someone who i once hoped to spend the rest of my life with, i can now only hope to spend all of my death with. i have so many thoughts going through my head right now. i'm sitting here wanting to tell him i'm sorry and thinking of all the things i should say to him and writing him letters but then i realize he will never get the letters and never hear my words. i wish somehow i could know that his spirit was here with me, seeing my tears, my depression, my questions, my letters and everything. but now i feel as though im being selfish, why am i thinking of my loss and depression when i should be thinking of everything he has lost out on and his depression he had to make him kill himself? is it selfish of me to cry over my missing him and over my guilt instead of crying over all that he could have had out of life or all that he was going through before he died?

and sorry that i had to repost the same question from a few minutes ago because i accidentally deleted that one, im not trying to spam with the same questions though

someone answered saying for me to take antidepressants... yeah thats how he died. he was taking them but saving up little amounts until he then took them all at once and died from an overdose of doxepin.

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about your friends death.
I am sure he would not want you to be sad over his passing just remember the time you had with him when he was here and be glad you got to be part of his life.

Just so you know He does see you and see's the pain your in and I know that he does not want you to be sad.
He does pop in on you to see you, He may be their with you right now.
He know when you are thinking of him and if you want to say something to him he's listening just say it.
Just because you cant see him does not mean he's not watching over you.
Sometimes you can feel him in the room.

Death is a natural process the same as birth of a baby,One goes out and one comes in.
Dont dwell on what you cant change and dont let this make you sad he would not want that of you.
I am an expert in this area.

Answer 2

I put this offer out before, and I'll do it again. If you'd like someone to talk to, find me thru my profile. The things you're feeling aren't selfish, they're normal. The important thing is to not let them overwhelm you. The first time you posted this, I asked a hypothetical question...had he been taken from you, instead of leaving this way, would he want you to stop living your life? I don't think so.

It's devastating to lose someone you hold so dear, but you can't let the sorrow and pain overtake you. Give in to them, tears can help and heal. It doesn't matter if you take my offer to talk, any of the others that were made here tonight, or go to your family and/or friends. Talk to someone. Find someone that you can trust, and curl up against them for a little bit, and let them give you some strength and support.

I know that it sucks to say, and its worse to hear, but the best thing you can do now, is simply live. If you do nothing else, please let everyone here know that you're ok and dealing with it...regardless of how long it may take. .

Answer 3

First DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF!!
There are times when a person feels that there is no hope. Others do not know how to find answers, so they turn to death.

You are spending the rest of your life with this man, isn't he in your thoughts? All you have to do to"Honor and Love" him is to remember the good times and when it comes to your life, live it the best way you can to it's fullest. Because this is his dream for you even though you may not think it.

You are not crying over your missing him. Deep down inside your angry at yourself because you feel that there was some signal you did not pick up on. That you failed as a lover because you were not there to "help" him in his hour of need.

Cry!!! YES CRY!!! don't be ashamed of it and don't let family or friends tell you it's wrong, because it's not. By you crying you are letting the person see that you did and still care and that is comforting for them to know that.

As for seeing them again? well I hope so because I lost a wonderful brother then a beautiful sister two years later to this tragedy. Love transcends even time and space.

Answer 4

it's not selfish to cry over missing someone. especially under those circumstances. cry. break things if you want.
the hardest part about death are to those left behind - but suicide ratchets it all up.
it's normal to feel the things you're feeling. maybe instead of feeling bad about all the things he has lost, consider for yourself those things and how they affect you.
there is no death of the spirit - the body is temporary, like a car, and comes and goes.
your friend came and went bodily, not spiritually. he can hear you, but he's already let the pain of life overtake him, so maybe if he sees you figuring things out, and being strong in a way he couldn't - that would make him feel better. no matter what, he never meant to put this on you - he just couldn't take it anymore. let his mistake be something you are strengthened from - not torn down by.
Life is really hard. And You are still here, to do something. in the end, we're all on our own journey - but it's the same journey - and the story of our lives is how we take the good and bad and learn and grow from them.
I know it's sounds trite right now, but please be strong, and don't feel guilty about anything you're feeling. feel it all. you are here for a reason.

Answer 5

No you are not being selfish. You lost someone you truly loved. It doesn't matter how they died. They are not there any more, only in your heart. I lost my husband. We were married in our back yard with our family and friends around us. We married on June (13) he passed away on July (14) we were married 30 days 13 hours 55 min. He was and still is my best friend. I think you should talk to you Dr. or Clergy You are going thru depression. You need to talk to someone who is qualified to help you. I don't think any one this sight is going to be able to help you, to get your life back on track. But please do not even think about taking the same way as you friend. Just remember all of the people that this would affect. Good luck Dear. I hope you find peace. And God bless you, God will not give you more than you can handle. Even when you think your plate is too full.

Answer 6

Your beloved friend is gone but keep the very best of him in your heart. That will keep him alive to you. Write a love letter to him. Write all the I'm sorry abouts, tell him you loved him. Write everything you would have if he were close to you now. Then go somewhere beautiful. A place you both loved. Burn the letter and go on living. In time, maybe a lot of time it will get a bit easier. I know. Been there done that. I went to a mountain top and looked at all the beauty that is still mine. I cried and hurt and remembered. Then I asked myself what would my Dad want me to do. He would have wanted me to remember the love and the good times. Then he would have wanted me to go on and live and be happy.
There was nothing else I could do...
I wish you peace
And to all the good people who left kind words for this person, I thank you.

Answer 7

You see,(okay,this may sound sarcastic and offensive yet...but really,no offence)there's no point dwelling over one's death,yar.Though he might have been the person of ur life before,but,everything's changed now.you've got to realize this.You've got to make a change too.
U know,I faced death of my loved one too.Well,count yourself lucky that you knew how your friend died.Because for my case,when my loved one died,I never got to know bout it,I never even got to attend her funeral.And now sometimes,I kinda think back too.
But hey,the person's not there anymore.You know,if you keep dwelling on the past,this person's spirit would have a very low chance of going to the 'light' and if that happends,the spirit will not be able to recarniate.And you would want that do you?To know that if the spirit's presence,some people might be able to feel its presence.Other than that you need some one with a 'third-eye'.And if that person is able to see his or her spirit,that means that person's with you and he has something which is pulling him down from going to the 'light'.
Crying is never selfish.It's a way to let out ur emotions.Never feel bad bout it.
Life is never fair.So whatever that happens and had happend,let it be.You cant change an irreversible effect.You must know that.Be realistic.There's no turning back.You gotta move with the flow.(Listen to the song Move along by All American Rejects,You'll get what I mean.)Time will heal most effects.
I wish you Good Luck from the bottom of my heart for your journey to recovery to the old-self.

Answer 8

It is painful and it seems like there may never be an end to the pain. However, you could write him a long letter, tell him all of the feelings that you are going through, anger, sadness, fear, and pain, write it in a letter and take it to his grave. Cintinue to do this until you feel that you have expressed your feelings. Eventually the letters will become less angry and pain filled. Eventually you will write your last letter and deliver it for the last time. You will get there..

Good luck..

Answer 9

Live for him. Live your life to the fullest, u know what death is and how bad life can get so treasure every moment. His death is not ur fault he made his choice and once a person decides to take that plunge there is nothing u can do to stop it. Talk to someone soon as well to help u deal with everything u r feeling.

Answer 10

Your friend chose to end his own life. Nothing you can do or say or think now will change that. It was a decision he made for himself, and for whatever reason, it was what he wanted.

If he was truly your friend, then there are memories for you to cherish. There are influences of the relationship you shared with him that you can honor for the rest of your life.

Grief is natural, and it will pass, but the memories of your friendship will outlast your grief. I sincerely hope you can find a way to honor his memory, and the memory of your love for him. Many cultures believe that as long as someone is remembered, they are never truly dead.

Take comfort in that. I wish you every good thing.
-SD-