virgin and non virgin relationship?

Question

i am 21 and a virgin- i was an evangelical christian until a year ago and I haven't felt the need to lose my virginity.
this guy, who has been one of my best friends for about 5 months now, and we both like each other very much and spend lots of time together. he is 30 and has had many girlfriends and lots of sex, even a few flings he has told me about. I have had several boyfriends and he doesn't seem to have any clue that I'm a virgin. (the few people i've told that i'm a virgin to had a hard time believing me)
I guess I'm not sure how I feel about pre-marital sex (due to the values taught to me, or according to some, i was "brianwashed")
he is obviously very open to having pre-marital sex and I am trying very hard not to judge him for it, at times it is hard for me not to see the casual sex as something I really don't like about him.
any advice? what should I tell him? how should i handle this? thanks for any advice at all!

some of you were asking on whether i want to sleep with him or not. i guess my answer is that i'm not sure if i want to or not. i feel like i need more time to decide what i think is best and what i believe. once the church has ingrained the belief that pre-marital sex is wrong and sinful in your mind , it takes a while to change that around. So right now I just need to take time to figure out what's best for me.

Answer 1

just tell him that you are a virgin and that you will be until you get married. if he leaves you then he isnt the 1.

Answer 2

Marriages end do to lack of communication, so being a non virgin and then getting married does not mean a core source of a reason why a relationship should, would or had ended. Like anything else in life, you have to know it before making a move; you can't pass a math exam without first studying.. some people give it a try thinking they had studied enough and at the end they had failed the exam. You can't run before you walk, you can't divide before learning your multiplication. So marriage is not a race to a finish line. Marriage is an organized plan leading to a good healthy game in life. Some people plan without organizing - divorce & some organize to have a healthy life together without planning.

Answer 3

Look sweety, you've been taught good values and i really appreciate them and would only advise you to stick to them coz losing ur virginity is like losing a part of you.. so always better to have sex after marriage.. who knows whether hez the right person or not.. just in case if hez really the one then i think he'll surely respect your decision coz love is not just about sex and stuff.. you seem a very sweet girl, better not take decisions in a hurry for which you may have to regret in future.

Answer 4

I think you first need to figure out how YOU feel about pre-marital sex before you even think about what you should tell him. It sounds like he's influencing you to believe something that is against your own.

I think YOU should always be the judge as to what you should believe in. Think carefully what it is that you hold more important.

So you allow your religion to guide you, and he allows his male hormones to guide him...we're all different in some ways. =P

Good luck with pondering it.

My only advice is this: think carefully BEFORE you give it away, so you won't regret it afterward. it doesn't matter how romantic the moment is...if you're not ready, then you're not ready. don't let the pressure push you into doing something you don't want to do. these kinds of moments come by many times--no worries.

Answer 5

Keep your values. It seems as if you and this guy aren't even officially dating, so nothing is expected of you, right? Also, even if you do start dating, there still doesn't need to be pressure to have sex. There's nothing wrong with waiting until marriage to have sex. You don't have to worry about disease, pregnancy, and also, it's very messy.

Another thing, you haven't been brainwashed. It's everybody else who has been into thinking that being promiscuous and not committing is okay. Stick with your morals and you won't regret it. Have sex, and you might.

Answer 6

Hi, i am evangelical. 29 and still virgin (if you do not count heave make outs and oral).

With all this talk about "casual sex" i find it funny because nobody can ever talk of a "casual orgasm". You cannt have it without being INTO it.

If you value you pre-marital virginity and if he values you more than he values sex. He would see things your way our of love for you. If he does not love you enough to value your views, i hate to say it but you have to learn to let go.

Answer 7

So in all this, I'm wondering are you planning on sleeping with him or not? Because it seems as though you would like for him to be your first and I don't think that that's a bad thing, but I'm just trying to get all this out because I'm confused as to what advice you are wanting.

If you are proud to be a virgin just let him know, he shouldn't have a problem with it, I'm sure.

Answer 8

u r one of the good ladies i have come accross.
ur attitude is great(i feel it because i too think as u do)

coming to handle ur situation just ask ur partner for some time
say him that u r a virgin and need some time to decide when to loose it.

All the best

Answer 9

is he asking you for sex?if yes,surely he'll know that your a virgin.keep it up until you got married.its the precious gift you give to your future husband.if he leaves you means he doesn't love you.he just want sex after all.

Answer 10

i am always happy to hear that there are still women who is conservative.stay to what you believe in.it would never do you harm. i always called sex -love making,coz for me, this is only practice and enjoy by people who were blessed by God through marriage.