I need to laugh my self to sleep...... I am sorry if I offended anyone also, I just think these kind of stories are funny...you know?
Brooke
2006-07-25 19:18:22 · 5 answers · asked by maltese_i_love 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Cart.
A: A supermarket Cart has a mind of its own.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
A: The world's first hemorrhoid transplant.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What did the South African blonde give her boyfriend?
A: Apart-head.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What is the definition of "**** off"?
A: The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.
Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.
Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
Q: What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
A: The lousy view.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death
in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're ******.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
2006-07-25 19:33:02 · answer #1 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a blonde joke: A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. The blonde approached and asked if he was alright.
The boy said he was. A little while later, however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the damn goalie."
2006-07-26 02:23:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Blonde And Anatomy 101
The stunning blonde coed was stunned herself when the biology professor asked her, "What part of the human anatomy enlarges to about
ten times its normal size during periods of emotion or excitement?"
"I... I refuse to answer that question," the girl stammered as she shyly avoided looking at her classmates
Sitting nearby. One of them was called upon next, and he correctly answered, "The pupil of the eye."
"Miss Williams," said the professor, "your refusal to answer my question makes three things evident.
First, you didn't study last night's assignment.
Second, you have a dirty mind.
And third, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment for you!"
2006-07-26 05:46:10 · answer #3 · answered by pistola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about the blonde protitute who stepped into a car that stopped for her. The John says "50 bucks"! The blonde says "ok, you got change for a hundred?"
2006-07-26 03:07:15 · answer #4 · answered by daddydoggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A hooker tells her pimp she's not making enough money so he sends her off on her own. The next day he finds her and asks, "So how much did you make?" She answers, 3000$ and ten cents." He says, "Who gave you ten cents?" She replies, "All of them."
2006-07-29 01:39:12 · answer #5 · answered by Minge 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋