How can I come out of my shell?

Question

I have a real problem starting up conversations and even making eye contact with people. I feel that when I do make eye contact, they look at me weird. Like maybe I look angry or something. I also feel uncomfortable smiling to strangers. How can I make things easier and what would be the first steps in starting to have a social life? Btw, I am a 23 year old male that still lives at home. I plan to go away in the spring to college.

What would be a good job for me to get that would force me to talk more? Right now I just work at a kennel where I hide in back all day! lol

Answer 1

Do things slowly. Take it slow, and take it easy.

It isn't as difficult as it seems at times. Despite the perception that many people have, other people are often just as self-conscious as you might be. A "social life" just doesn't come about; it can't really be defined. When you're in class, or at work, or anywhere really, go up to someone that looks interesting and somewhat receptive and find an excuse to make small talk.

Good icebreakers: weather, sports, movies, etc.

From there, start adapting your conversation depending on the response. If they don't want to talk, hey it's their loss. Don't sweat it. Be confident, know yourself well, play to your strengths, avoid cheesy pickup lines, and above all GIVE IT A GO. It's easier to avoid situations, but remember you miss out on a lot if you do.

Good luck, and I'm sure things will turn out okay.

Answer 2

You might try working at a call center. You'll be surrounded by people all day, and you'll constantly be having conversations with customers and coworkers. If it's customer service and not telemarketing, the work is very easy.

You probably have a social anxiety disorder. A psychologist might be able to help you with that through therapy and medication.

Look for jobs, clubs, and other activities where social interaction occurs naturally. If you put yourself in situations where people are expected to talk to each other, it's much easier than just trying to start a conversation with a stranger.

Some people are quiet and reserved by nature, and that's ok. Don't demand of yourself that you be the life of the party. You can come out of your shell a bit and make some friends without requiring yourself to be the most popular guy in town.

If you feel uncomfortable talking to someone, don't be afraid to say so. If you just say, "Excuse me if I seem nervous, but I'm not that good at conversation, it's something I'm trying to improve," most people will open up to you and make you feel more comfortable.

You've already taken the first step by asking this question. Good luck with the next steps.

Answer 3

Eye contact is VERY important. At work, I always will smile and thank the customer, and make sure I look them right in the eye so they know I mean it, and most people will look at you funny, because a lot of people don't care to make eye contact. Also, just start smiling at people you pass while you are shopping, or on a sidewalk. Majority return it to you, and give you smile. It gets easier with more practice. As for the social life, start with this, and you will get there.

Answer 4

Just stop looking at people as "threats" or as strangers and start looking at them as human beings, just like you. You are not perfect, they are not perfect either. You have your own personality, you are unique, so are they. They have feelings like you, they have a past, full of memories, some good, some not very good, like you have yours. Some of them are more introverted, some others more extroverted. We are all different from each other, dear, but we have so many things in common. Sometimes we don't treat each other with love and with respect, some of us learn fast, some others refuse to learn until they die. So, try to change the way you view people and the way you view yourself, and what seemed to be hard is going to be easy, what was a problem is going to be a blessing. Take care.

Answer 5

I understand what you are going through. I'd suggest consulting with a good body-centered therapist who can help you deal with some of the emotional blockages that are keeping you from meaningful interaction and engaging fully in life. Obviously I don't know you, but I would guess that you may have developed some coping mechanisms as a child or teenage for dealing with difficult emotions by blocking them out or by avoiding difficult emotional situations. These coping mechanisms may have been useful when you were a child for dealing with difficult situations, but it does not appear that they are serving you well anymore. A good therapist will help you recognize these patterns and to touch into and begin to experience the underlying emotions in a safe environment. The goal will be for you to be able to fully experience difficult emotional situations without having to resort to your customary patterns of emotional avodiance. With that, it will become easier for you to make eye contact and connect with people. That's my profoundly unprofessonal opinion, for what it is worth. Everyone else's advice on finding opportunities for social interaction and introspection are helpful, but if you don't deal with the underlying phsychological issues, it will be very difficult to avoid repeating the same behavioral patterns. Good luck.

Answer 6

Practice by smiling and shaking hands with people when you meet them. I have the same problem and going to job interviews and making eye contact with strangers is intimidating but I also work as a greeter at my church which helps me work on my eye-to-eye contact skills.

Answer 7

dude, i was the same all through high school. after high school i worked at a supermarket for a year. ( have to talk and smile to the cuzzies ) what i realized is that you mustn't worry about what other people think of you. i mean i dress totally different and now i start up a conversation with any one. i usually just talk alot of bollocks to strangers who end up laughing. if you get confidence in yourself you'll be fine.

Answer 8

Hey you. You know, in a way, you are getting out of your shell by asking this question. That's a good thing, isn't it :). And I want you to know, if you don't already, that many people are like this, I still kinda am. I think what really helped me was when I got a job at a day care. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was really nervous and shy at my interview, but by some miracle I was hired and proved to be pretty good at it. I got to work with over a hundred kids from ages 5-12 who all brightened my day, and I would actually look forward to going to work. I was actually called a leader, for the first time in my life, and the fact that little kids are very easy to make happy is something great to know.
Everyday I would come to work and get flooded with little hugs from random kids, some I thought didn't even like me. But a lot of them loved me. I was known as the "nice" leader, mostly because of my soft voice, but that didn't mean I was a pushover. I knew what was best for the kids was more important, and that really got me involved. It was no longer the fear of what impression will I give off, but what is best for the kids. It really helped me open up and learn that everyone enjoys nice people, and to never be shy about being nice, because chances are the people I meet are just as nervous, shy, insecure than I am. I learned that a smile goes a long way, and even if you don't say a lot many people (or kids) just appreciate the fact that someone spends time with them. I also found courage and confidence, because the fact that I was scared of watching 14 kids by myself, scared that they wouldn't listen to me, or give me the time of day, totally dissapeared after the first couple of weeks. Most of them like you if you like them. That's all their is to it. And I think my most favorite part of my job was that I actually got paid to play and have fun! I got to be outside sometimes inside sometimes, or on rainy days just watch a movie. And you get paid for that while being surrounded with coworkers and kids who really like you. You need to find what you are most passionate about, what really makes you happy, and find that happiness shared by others. In otherwords be true to yourself and others. The most admired people are the ones who don't care what others think about them! Remember that, and remember that their are many people like you who would like a good friend like you. I don't know if kids are your thing, I didn't really know it was mine at first, but when I did it was great. It was my first job, I had no experience, no recommondations, I worked well there for 6 months, got excellent reviews, and only quit because it was time for finals and I needed to focus on that. The only main problem I had was my very soft voice, and despite that, I surprisingly did well. Although I am not completely what you call, "out of my shell" I am a lot more confident and happier, and I will continue to learn and grow for the rest of my life. Because confidence is not something completely picked up overnight, it's something that you eventually find within yourself, the best way is the way you enjoy. So find a job you enjoy. :) Good luck and I hope you feel better. :)

Answer 9

You actually did a good job of coming onto here. I was there once, and you have to do it in baby steps. Just slowly convince yourself that there is a world around you that would like to get to know you. You will have to get used to it when you go to college. So if someone comes up to you and wants to chat, do it in a calm matter. Like I said, baby steps!

Answer 10

Just talk to a lot of people, find a job or volunteer somewhere that forces you to talk to people daily. The more practise you get, the easier it will be for you. Good luck!