i see her standing on the edge
with her arms open in the air
she looks down and sees her pain going away
she looks back at her boyfriend smiling at him
she steps forward and thinks of the past
how life didnt make her last
she thought of the blood and scars in her arm
she thought of the horror and fear in the future
she doesnt want love to hunt her down
all she wants is 2 never be found
love tortures her so deep
all she wants is to kill this bittch
who hurts people for her own fling
shes been dominated by fear
she jumps and looks up
how the skies start 2 rain
saying goodbye to the one who never thought would be great
she screams thinking it was 2 late
maybe if she had a friend
she wouldv make things better
for everyone and her fate
2006-07-25 17:16:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
are my poems 2 sad 4 u guys?? lmao!!
2006-07-25 17:28:51 · update #1
i liked the bittch part
2006-07-25 17:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by Wild Mangie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gave up after the cliché first line.
Sorry to be harsh but at least that's one point you can start to focus on! Also, the moral of the story is a bit lame :( I hate criticising people but it has to be done for the sake of you getting better. I think you should read more poems and try to discover a pattern they have in common and try to get some rhythm and rhyme into your poem...
2006-07-26 19:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by anon1mous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sighs` condescending and heart wrenching.
Very good one of the best i have seen on here.
It was great....bravo!
2006-07-26 00:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one...but i think you can remove the word boyfriend and just say 'him'..people will still understand...
2006-07-26 00:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by Deep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not too sad for me . I like this one as well as the other. I can relate to sadness very well, unfortunately for me.......
2006-07-26 00:40:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it as a song. :D
2006-07-27 22:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by yawmee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok
2006-07-26 11:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please...... stop
2006-07-26 00:25:51 · answer #8 · answered by Mark 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋