who knows a good joke?

Question

let me hear it!

Answer 1

I do

Answer 2

my dad told me this is a really old one, so if yo know it...sorry :)

once there was this sailor boy, who was an incredible bet-er. he never lost. well, one day the captain of the boat was bord and decided to make a bet with the boy. the boy said "alright, I bet you a 100 dollars it will rain in 15 minutes." the captain looked around. the sky was crystal clear, so h e made the bet. with in 5 minutes clouds came. then 10, they got darker and within 15, it had started to rain. when they met up with the fleet the captain dumped the boy on another ship, and warned the captain of that ship how good this boy was a betting. the other captain laughed, and went away. before the day was over the captain decdided to bet the boy. so he went over to the boy and asked if he wanted to place a bet. the boy smiled and said " alright, I bet $1000 that if you stick a bannana up your rear, it will come out pink" the captain laughed, and took the bet, there was no way the bannana would come out pink. so he went to the bathroom, and when he took the bannan out, it was...not pink...so he called the other captain up and said " why did you tell me this boy was such a great gambler?! why he just bet 1000 dollars that if I sut a bannana in my rear it would come out pink, and it didn't!" the other captian replyed "that sun of a b****! he bet me 250,000 dollars that he could get you to put a banana up your rear befoe the first day was over!!"

sorry if its a little inapropriate! but it is kinda funny...

:)

Answer 3

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 4

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL
wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up
the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's a-s-s and say, 'How about a B_J_?' ... and she's always
sound asleep."

Answer 5

there wuz 3 guys named shut up trouble and manners one day shut
up got lost and manners and troble wre looking 4 him then a cop said that you dont look so good whats the matter he said im lost then the cop said whats your name then shut up quickly replies shutup the cop looked at him funny and say sir where r your manners so he says i don't know then the cop said r u looking 4 trouble then shutup says yes really fast and the cop took him 2 jail

Answer 6

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't, I said she was fu*king Goofy."

Answer 7

Why did the blond girl have sex with the Mexican guy?

Her professor told her to do an essay.

Hahahaha.

Answer 8

I do not get the first joke what about his balls

Answer 9

Anyone heard the one about Ol` Lassy?

No.

Oh WELL.

Answer 10

I have children:

Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

A: He was looking for "Pooh".