Ok - this happens often enough to me. How do you guys get out of this? You are with a group of people and then someone brings up a topic about your self that you don't want to discuss in front of everyone. I don't want to lose my cool in front of the group and ridicule the person. Nor do I want to appear weak by admitting to everyone that this is a sore spot with me and I feel insecure about it being discussed. I end up tense and angry.
How do you tactfully get people to shut up about something? What do you say to change the subject?
2006-07-25 16:49:40 · 9 answers · asked by Think.for.your.self 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
you could just state to the group that you really don't care to discuss this, and then ask someone else who is nice how their day was. If you take this tack then you should be persistent in simply stating that you don't care to discuss it, and btw, is that a new haircut?
Keep asking other folks questions.
The alternative is to go on the offensive, and can be used as a secondary tactic, if someone just won't let the topic be changed.
If this happens, then you should reply to all questions with "why are you insisting that we talk about this? what's it to you?"
Be patient, but if you really don't want to discuss it, be firm. If it's the same question, addressed to everyone, then you could state that it's much more interesting to you just to listen to what others are saying.
Anger is hard to avoid, but you should try to remain calm. Slow your breathing down, and be like the broken record, and just keep saying "This is not an appropriate topic for this company, (or something like that) and then simply keep saying this over and over and over again until they get bored with you and move on, which should not take long if they can't get a rise out of you.
If all of this fails you, then politely leave the group for the night.
This is as specific as I can be, without knowing more of the situation, which I am loathe to ask you since it's already a sore spot.
If it's about sex or sexual partners, you could say "I never kiss and tell"
If it's about work-related things, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you"
If all else fails, you can always pretend to adress the topic, but launch into a rather long joke instead.
Best of luck to you.
2006-07-25 17:01:25 · answer #1 · answered by boogiewunker 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have found that really depends on the personality of the person that's being an idiot. Usually, just a frank statement, that is stated with strength: No one wants to talk about this... change the subject... or agree and say, yeah, you're right, I do (whatever)... and then just change the subject. What can they do? If they keep bringing it up: I would say, you know, I'm just not that interesting... Janet over here looks great in her new dress, don't you think?... or Bobbie got this huge promotion, tell us about that... Well, enough about me, it's Jim's night, he just got engaged. When's the wedding?
2006-07-25 23:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just change the subject casually. When doing this, I try to pick a subject that infuriates someone in the group so that they will go on a tirade (ie- something controversial like abortion or religion or sports teams for example). That way, the person who will be on a tirade will take the attention away from you. Personally, my favorite thing is to say something like, "Man, don't you think that Ohio State football sucks and Michigan rocks?" when in the presence of an OSU fan.
2006-07-25 23:55:26 · answer #3 · answered by Princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We use the saying, "Speaking of Christmas..." and then just change the subject to something else that is completely unrelated to the current topic of conversation.
If we're changing the subject from an unpleasant topic, the other person is usually too baffled by the phrase to raise a fuss about the change of subject.
The phrase, "Speaking of Christmas...' is a family story based on my best friend's father. One summer evening they were all watching Hawaii 5-0 on television in the living room. There was nothing about Christmas on the show, nor was anyone talking about it. Out of the blue, her dad said, "Speaking of Christmas..." and just started talking about something. (And no, he didn't speak about Christmas!) He was just being silly. Everyone thought it was cute, so that's the phrase we use to change the subject.
2006-07-26 11:54:43 · answer #4 · answered by Mama Pastafarian 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I usually just say "That's enough about me. How are you doing X?" and turn to someone else in the group. Everyone should get the message that you are not going to discuss it and move on. If someone persists, look them in the eye and say "We can discuss it later." Nothing else should be necessary.
2006-07-25 23:54:22 · answer #5 · answered by jd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG, my dad is like this. He'll get onto a topic, and NOTHING will distract him from it.
Just try to find a graceful transition point (like "Oh, that reminds me..."). Or start up with a total non-sequitor, like: "Hey guys, you won't believe what happened today..." and then make up some really funny story.
Your friends should learn a little tact.
2006-07-25 23:54:44 · answer #6 · answered by locolady98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i never give my enemy any ammo that i don't want thrown back at me later....in other words,i am very truthful about myself,i offer the info before it becomes a ticking time bomb.most of the time people respect that i am honest about my past,they get over it and judge me for now,not then.
2006-07-26 00:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by deerwoman777 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say "ok moving on to the next subject. How's your ......"
2006-07-26 21:51:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dint let anyone know you are angry, if it is embarrassing you, laugh it off, and start talking about something else
2006-07-26 00:31:05 · answer #9 · answered by Blackfirefly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋