what pushment, if deserved, should I give my daughter?

Question

My girl turned 12 and is now a B cup. I decided she had to wear a bra. She did'n't like the idea but I was firm - I agree Im a somewhat protective mom. Despite her complaints, I said she would really wear one because she needed one, it was for her best and since she refused and I loved her so much, I had no choice other than to force her. And so I did, though with all my love. Since she needs support and is a bit immature on this point, I chose her bras myself and got her bras that give full coverage. She didnt like them, said she wouldn't wear but, again, I used my motherly authority. She got a bit mad at me, but she's a good girl and ended up obeying. But I got to know she took off her bra when she left home and put it on again before coming back - a childisdid but wrong thing. She ended up telling the truth ith, apologized and said it was cause she doesnt like those bras. I'm not sure if I should punish her, maybe a light lesson just to make her think a bit. She cant disobey

Answer 1

i don't know about you, but i firmly objected when my mother first told me I had to wear a bra.....our solution was to start out with a "sports bra" that felt more like a tight tank top than a bra.....then i might go with telling her that everyone else is starting to wear bra's at her age and that she should feel more mature by wearing one

Answer 2

Your daughter is at a difficult time in her life, as I'm sure you know. Buying bras is something you should have done together. Done sensitively, it can even be fun.
If she now refuses to wear the bras you bought her because she doesn't like them, I think you could agree that she should have a bra she likes and offer to go shopping with her to buy one. In this way she is still wearing a bra (the whole point) but she has had some input into what it should look like rather than being forced to wear something you think is appropriate.
Forget about punishing her. Tell her you understand how she feels and that you are sorry you were so overbearing. Try to close the widening gap between you. She needs your advice and support more than ever at her age.

Answer 3

Speaking as a child who did the exact same thing and a mother who has had her daughter do that as well my official stance on the subject is to take her shopping with you. Let her pick out the style and color of the bra, just make sure that it is a supportive style. Sports bras are magnificent. She definitely showed some maturity and loyalty in admitting what she did and apologizing. That means that she has morals and values that were instilled in her by you. As far as the punishment goes, I would talk to her about the experience a little more before deciding what to do. I developed at a very early age and was picked on and made fun of quite a bit. It is possible that she just felt "wierd" wearing the bra. Maybe if you two decide on one together she will be more open to wearing it. When she's home, let her take it off and relax for awhile until she gets used to wearing it full time. Good luck!

Answer 4

I'm sorry but I don't think you handled this right. Where is the mutual respect between mother and daughter? You should've had a good talk with her, explained why you believed she should start to wear a bra and then listened to her opinion on the subject. You attitude screams, "What you think and feel is not important, it's what I want that is important" If she didn't want to start wearing a bra I wouldv'e left it for a bit. Most likely she just had some questions that worried her that you did not give her a chance to voice. I think you should apologise to her for making her feel unheard and unimportant and then change your attitude otherwise your in for a tough couple of teenage years. Then LISTEN to her objections about why she doesn't want to wear a bra right now. If she is ready to start wearing a bra go with to the shop and give her a choice of what to wear. If she really does not want to start now then ask her if she'll wear vests with built in support. They are very comfortable and not such a big deal at that age. If she flatly refused then she'll learn the hard way (when someone points and laughs) I know you don't want this to happen but teaching kids to take responsibility for their own choices is an important part of being a parent.

Answer 5

I have 5 kids and 3 are girl a 20yrold 17yrold and a10yrold. I tell you what I found out that when my girls feel like they have some say in what happens they seem to be more open with me. I remember my oldest and her first bra. i thought it should be white or nude. And she could shut up about it. All that did was cause her to go from good girl that I trusted to a good girl that did not want to upset me while trying to become her own person which I did not like so she started becoming less trustworthy. With that in mind I went to her and said I tell ya what. I am the boss until the day you die. But boss does not mean dictator so. I will tell you what I expect and you find something that meets my standered and we can talk. So to dillards we go.(lots to look at) MY standered where light colors. and could not look like a bikkini top, no tops that show it and Nothing that says look I have under garments on. She laughed at me said no problem and tried to comply. It took a couple of hours that day. But she felt proud to make these choices because she could feel pretty and comfy. I felt like I was laying out the guidelines so she could be a lady! She is a O.T. Now and still the apple of my eye. Her taste in clothes is great. And she loves to have matching sets to this day. I have also done this with my other 2. I am sure that this a time in there life they feel out of control and they just need someone to believe in there ablity and yet give them the guide lines that keep them safe! Praying for ya mom, love songbird

Answer 6

Don't punish her for not liking her bras. She is only 12 after all. Maybe if she had a choice in what bras she could wear, rather than being forced into wearing your choice, she may respond a lot better. Talk to other mums about their daughters, get her friends input on the matter. Let her feel lady-like about her breasts. O.K. not sexy in an adult way, but allow her to feel grown up about how her body is changing. Don't be prudish about the fact that your little girl is becoming a young woman. If you mess this up now you will never get her on side when she reaches full teen rebellion mode and starts dating. For yours and her sakes do this kindly otherwise you could loose her respect or worse she could end up with a teen pregnancy on your hands.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 7

I think that you need to go bra shopping with her and let her pick something she would feel comfortable in. Girls have diffrent taste on bras. Did you get her a soft cup or underwire? Does she not like the bras because of the comfort or does she just not like the idea of a bra all together. If she doesnt like bras at all then talk to her about a sports bra or something like that. You shouldnt punish her. I would take her shopping and that will give you both time to bond and you need to be understanding with her going through these changes is hard on any young woman you as her mother need to be supportive and understanding with her. Do not act like a bitchy mother be there for her or she will resent you.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but I think you were a bit harsh with your daughter. You shouldn't force her to wear a bra. The right thing to do would be to explain to her the benefits of the bra. Instead of just buying her bras, allow your daughter to have her own choice in which ones she gets. It is her body. She probably feels uncomfortable about wearing something she may deem as hideous. Have a talk with her about lying and let it go. She is only 12. I can't blame her for not wanting to wear something she was forced to.

Answer 9

I allow my 12 yr old daughter to pick out the bras she wants, but I have last say on which ones I will buy for her. That way she has some say in what she is wearing. I have never had to force her to wear a bra... she does so willingly. Probably because she likes the ones she picks out... most of them are like sports bras... they give enough coverage for a typical 12 yr old.

Answer 10

well, she did tell the truth as to why she did what she did. I'm sure that your disappointment is going to be quite punishing for her. maybe u can take her shopping for cute little sports bras, make it a fun thing to do. just you two together. she is at a tough age, i don't understand why she doesn't want to wear a bra though. my daughter is also 12 and a B-cup. she wasn't to excited about the bra thing either. Good Luck!

Answer 11

I dont know if you can punish her for something you are forcing her to do with her body. I mean she probally should be wearing a bra but it's not right for you to force it on her. If she feels she has no say over her body then what's gonna happen when she gets in a relationship?
You can punish her for lying to you though. Explain to her that you are glad she told the truth but she has to be punished for decieving you in the first place. Probally a short grounding will be fine.
If it's just a issue of her not liking the style of bra's offer to bring her to get ones she likes, it'll make the whole process alot easier.