Why is my dad an a.sshole?

Question

He always compares me to my brother and sister. He says "OH why cant you be more like him or be smart like her" He always yells at me. Everytime something goes wrong, im always to blame. He says im an embarresement. I think im the kid he never wanted to have. I think Im an accident.

Anyone else have a dad like this?

Answer 1

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Sometimes parents will compare one child to another child in the hope of inspiring a child or scaring them straight. I would talk to him when he is calm and not comparing you, telling him how you feel. also tell him that your successess are his, which means that if he finds you to be a failure, at some point, he is questioning the effectiveness as a parent himself.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Sometimes parents have a hard time relating to their children. I have the same problem to an extent. My father can relate easier to my younger sister. They have the same personality and interests. He always compares me to her and it was very hard to deal with growing up. Just realize that I'm sure your dad loves you and is having a really hard time expressing that to you.

Also remember that no matter what he says or anyone else for that matter, you have to answer to yourself. We often look to our parents for encourgement, love and praise. If you are not getting that from your dad it's normal to feel upset about it. But believe me, as you get older and start living on your own, it won't be so hard. You'll realize that although these words are hurtful now, you'll see that you have your own gifts or talents. You'll see that maybe your not like your siblings but thats okay. Your not supposed to be like them. You are your own person.

Perhaps you can talk to your dad and tell him that his words are hurtfull. If that doesn't work or your not comfortable, look towards your friends or other family members. I'm sure there are many more kids that feel the way you do so don't feel alone.

I can tell you something else, I know for a fact that I was an accident. My parents didn't plan on having me but my friends, husband and children sure are glad I was born. We are all here for a reason. Never question that! I hope everything works out for you and your dad. If not, be yourself and feel good about it.

Answer 3

Well, besides the a**holes that are going to answer this like beligerent buttheads . . . "Maybe He's right" . . . Yeah, that's real nice. First off, Don't let this destroy you. You are probably better than all that. What only matters is . . . What you think of yourself. I know that it's important what your parents think of you but I have had to live with it all of my life and it made me a Hard ***** (only my mother did that to me). Believe in yourself, that's the place to start and tell your dad, that you don't really appreciate it when he puts you down like that. And he will get a shocked look on his face because I know that he doesn't think that he is putting you down. And let him know that him telling you things like this will make you have a negative view of yourself. And he needs to know that you don't want to walk through your life thinking that you are nothing because he makes you feel that way. My mother and I are on good terms now, I just had to make her realize that comparing me and my sister just wasn't going to work because we were two different people and we still are. Plus I wouldn't want to be her, she has three kids by three different daddies. And usually the favored ones, are always the screw-ups. Don't worry, you will have your chance to laugh at the fact that your dad thought that they were so perfect, because of the way that he treats you, you will be a better person for it. It will get better . . . Dont you worry . . . I am 24 and it did get better.

Answer 4

I am sure your father loves you.. Some people just have a hard time showing it. Try talking to him and let him know that some of the things he says is hurtful..Most parents never mean to hurt their children. A lot of times when children are disciplined they may think their parents don't like them at the time, but the thing kids need to understand is that love and discipline go hand in hand.. I was raised by a very strict father. I would get my a** tore up if I got out of hand too. All my brothers and sisters would.. He didn't play any games. What he said he meant, and he only told you one time to do something. My parents could take us anywhere and were never embarrassed by our behavior. People would comment on how well behaved we were. At the time I was resentful, and thought he was too strict, but now that I am grown I am grateful for the way I was raised, and I love and respect my parents very much. I am glad they didn't let us run wild and disrespect them there is no telling how we would have all turned out, but I am proud to say all 8 of us grew up to be law abiding, caring, adults with high morals..Children now a days just get by with way too much.They just don't have enough discipline..

Answer 5

You know, I also had a dad who was VERY difficult. When I was younger, I thought I hated him. I hated that he would state his opinion to me no matter how painful it was. I hated that I was never going to amount to his expectations of what he thought I should be. I hated that when he gave his advice that he usually ended up being right. (Dont that just grind someone the wrong way?)

I doubt very much that he doesn't love you, and I also doubt that he didnt want to have you... did you ever think maybe he gets on you so hard to make you something better? Maybe he does it to make you strive harder... (Trust me, my dad sure did, but I didn't know it then...)

I now look back at my fathers way of parenting... you know, you will too, in some years when you are sucessful. You will see that sometimes a parent HAS to use tough love to get their child to see how to become a responsible adult.

As far as saying you should be more like someone or smarter... do you think this bothers you because it is hard to be like someone? I would be interested to know who he was compaired to when he was a child... (Often, people follow patterns of their parents years later when they have kids...) DONT be like anyone... and I dont really think he wants you to either, I think what he is doing is pushing in another way to get you to strive.

Just think, you are learning to be a survivor right now. You are learning critism, (which is ALWAYS a hard pill to swallow.) You are learning to endure... just keep going, try to be an original, and trust in yourself as just that, AN INDIVIDUAL!

Your great and deep down you know it!

Answer 6

I'm kind of in the opposite position as you.My dad always tells my sister to be more like me but that pisses me off cause I want her to be good but I don't want her to be like me.My sister is an embarrassment but we never say it to her cause it will hurt her buteveryone in the family has said it.As for being an accident and not being wanted-I can completely understand.When my mom was pregnant with me my dad wanted her to have an abortion,and throughout her whole pregnancy he told her to have an abortion with me.But from the day I was born my dad loved me and I was raised right-never spanked at all.I think I came out to be a wonderful kid and so are you.Don't listen to your dad,or better yet,try to talk to him about it.Good luck!

Answer 7

Some dads are not easy. If they have a drinking, temper problem it's worse. It depends on how he was brought up. Maybe you are a little bit childish and he doesn't like that. Do the right things and wait a few months and see. If your grades are down, up them. Learn from your dad, so that you do not make the same mistakes he is making now. Your children will appreciate it.

Answer 8

EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your dad did not single you out, believe me. I am the middle child and it seemed like I was always in some competition with my brother or younger sister and it sucks!!!!
Dads and Moms dont mean to be like that , they just learned the behavior from somewhere. ....... usually can blame it on their parents.....That is why I am glad I only have one, he is who he is and he cant be any less or any more than he is. If he is more it is because he wanted to be if he is less it is becuase that is all he thought he could be. But without a word .....I accept him and constantly tell him of my Love. I hope when he gets older he says "my mom was good to me and Loved me for me"

Answer 9

in the starting up, i'm sorry for some thing else of the comments. they're all sufferer blaming, and one changed into even sexist. first of all, i'm no longer a professional and in case you want professional suggestion, see a relations therapist. In my adventure, you want to confront him about your issues. once you try this, attempt to be non aggressive and do not supply him a reason to brush aside you want putting your ft on the chair, which i imagine is a completely known aspect to do in a relaxed relations placing (and absolutely does no longer damage the chair). Use numerous I statements, like "i experience..." and "i don't love it even as..." in case you do not, he will maximum possibly experience attacked and could without delay start up yelling, which solves no issues. it fairly is all of my suggestion, yet keep in mind that i'm no longer a professional, and in case your dad is bodily abusive besides as verbally, this may no longer be the perfect technique. both way, sturdy success and that i'm sorry you should attend to assholes.

Answer 10

Yep, both my folks were like that. You've just got to keep yourself going because you are a great person, and it's just too bad they can't see it. One day I found someone who loved me just the way I am, and he helped me to not care so much what the folks had to say. They still judge on me at every turn. These days I think its just sad that they have never stopped judging on me long enough to find out that I am really cool. now that I am adult, I know they love me, they just don't like me much. That's OK though, I can't say I like them much either. Trust me, it is REALLY hard to deal with when you have to live there and hear it all the time, but it is making you into a strong person, because you can't rely on them to tell you you are great, you have to do it yourself. You can do it. Just be the best you you can be, you don't need their permission to be happy with who you are. Practise letting all the bad things they say go in one ear and out the other. Try to improve the things you know you need to improve, and don't worry about the rest. Keep your chin up!