My brother, Matthew, was killed by a drunk driver, who also got away with it. I feel empty mostly, as if i've just disconnected with the world. Other times, i just feel rage and depression.
2006-07-25 15:15:06 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Aw :( I'm sorry for your loss and send my condolences and sympathies. Please talk to someone you can confide in (like your parents, a friend). But also get some counseling too. Write down your feelings. It's okay to express anger, just don't take it on anybody. Good luck to you.
2006-07-25 15:19:31 · answer #1 · answered by rachee_gal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The feelings you have are normal and identified by experts like Elizabeth Kubler-Ross ["On Death and Dying"] as stages of the grief process. The journey through your grief may be helped by attending a grief/bereavement support group in your area. MADD [Mothers Against Drunk Drivers] also offeres resources and support for loss and legal referral.
Remember that you have something that can never be taken away and that is the memory & spirit of your brother.
2006-07-25 15:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by stan1166 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand how you feel. Someone who I was close to recently died in a car wreck. You never get over their death. You have to accept it and move on. It hurts so bad! There are so many questions that will never be answered. You wonder why it had to happen...you get mad and then sad and then mad again...you don't understand why God would let something like this happen to you and your family...you wonder if you will ever feel whole again...There are a lot of things that can help you. Exercise, like yoga or running, talking to someone, like a counselor or pastor, songs, memories, and spending time with family and friends. You will never get over it, but you should live life to the fullest, that is what your brother would want you to do. And hold on to your faith. Even though it is easy to be mad at God, you need Him to help you through this time in your life and you need Him so you can know that you will see your brother again one day. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I wish the best for you!
2006-07-25 15:29:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi iam really sorry to hear your brother has died ...my brother died the same way almost ten years ago now he was killed by a drunk drive and to tell the truth i dont think you do ever get over is i think you just find away to go on with out them even after all this time there is never a day that pass that i dont miss him ..i think the best way for you is to talk to a councilor or a friend cause talking will help ..hugs i hope this helps.
2006-07-25 17:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by fear_fox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never get over his death. He was your bother and will always be a part of you. The pain will lessen as time passes, but you will always remember him. One way to get over the rage would be to do something positive for his memory. For example, you could get involved in Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Good luck with this. I know it still hurts.
2006-07-25 15:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by lynda_is 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no real easy answer to "how to get over a family member's death". I can only respond the way I know. I hope this will help you. First of all, if you have a spiritual base, that would be the first level of comfort that you could turn to. To me, knowing the Lord Jesus and how much he loves us is the greatest comfort. Because I believe "he" gave his life so that I could have a more abundant one on earth - and in heaven, is so much comfort to me that when I have experienced the death of my mom, dad, aunts, uncles and most of my older family members, had I "not" had this level of spiritual information, I would be depressed, disconnected, etc. Because I had that first - I was able to deal with the issue of death - knowing that my loved one was not really gone. Realizing that only the earthen vessel they lived in, but their spirit continues to live. Many times, age has a lot to do with how we deal. The younger a person is, the harder it is to understand death - but it's the same. Understand that the world we live in is being orhestrated by evil and therefore evil has no respect of persons, age, community, etc. The tragedies we experience in Katrina, wars, senseless murders,SIDS, etc. are not orchestrated by our loving God. But these are things that are being fulfilled. The person who killed your brother did not get away. Believe that. Even though this is going to sound very 'out there' you must learn to forgive this person. This person is going to have to deal with what he did for the rest of his life. Until he faces this area and deals with, he will never have the kind of joy that is available to us. Forgiveness is the next step that you will have to eventually deal with. Rage, Anger, Depression, are all by products of the evil being continued if you allow it to dwell in your heart. You have to be strong and have faith in that your brother did not leave his legacy for his sister to live a life of depression, rage, etc. He wants you to be happy and at peace and you have to find a way to allow that to happen. Join a group of your peers who have experienced death of a family member. There are many community groups around. The hospitals may be able to provide information for you. But don't sit around depressed. Collect photos of your brother and make a collage, or quilt, or something positive to remind you of his continued love. Also, you can join MADD or other groups (I believe there are some teen groups) whereby you can get encouragement and support to help you cope with your brother's death. Support groups can be your best friend. Get busy. Make this an issue of your own personal concern. Write in a journal, write your newspaper's editorial section, magazines (Reader's Digest is a great source), but find ways that you can express your anger and put it to positive use. Hating, being angry, depressed are all issues that will lead to your own physical ailments and 'dis' ease of the mind. Be positive and start showing love to others who may need you just as much as you need them. Be blessed and I will pray for your strength and courage to overcome your emptiness.
2006-07-25 15:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss! What a horrible thing to have to endure!
Time does help, as does talking about him.
For some people, getting involved in something in his memory is a great help (for example, MADD would be a good thing).
Make a scrapbook about your times with him.
If you have a hard time functioning for too long, get grief counseling or join a bereavement group.
My best to you~
2006-07-25 15:20:49 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa the Pooh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a grief counselor and ignore rude and callous comments made by jerks. Try to find a support group in your area. Try calling MADD, they might have some information for siblings. I am so sorry for your loss. Talk to your doctor, and that should get the ball rolling.
2006-07-25 15:22:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feeling sad and angry about what happened to your brother is okay... you need to take time and grieve. Maybe you should try talking about him with people that knew him, or just with your friends. I'm really really sorry about what happened *hugs* I know you don't know me, but... if you want to talk about it or anything, let me know, k?
If you've been feeling really depressed about it for a very long time, you should probably tell your parents, and see about seeing a counselor. Or, if your school has a counselor, you could talk to them too.
Once again, I'm very very sorry about what happened. :(
2006-07-25 15:21:29 · answer #9 · answered by zelta_taliesin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry for your loss, I'm going trough a loss too and what is helping me is talking about him with ppl that cares, crying when i feel to, and feeling angry also, nothing will take things back to where they were, and u are not going to be the same person...but how u face this is important so u can enjoy again..see any counselor or therapist for support, it helps too
2006-07-25 15:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by curios 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋