I am ready for a baby, my husband isn't. What can I do?

Question

I am 25 years old, and my husband is 26. We have been together for almost 9 yrs, and have been married for a little over 1yr. We are both college graduates, with decent jobs. I feel a strong, overwhelming desire to have a child and my husband is not ready. He does want children, however at this time he says he "feels have a child will mess up our lives". And, he frequently reminds me that "he is not ready to have a child yet". I try to be fair and understanding, however as of recent I have become completely frustrated. He is a planner, and he feels we need to have better incomes before we have children. However, our income exceeds $150,000/year, and our relative debt is minimial. I am an RN, and have very flexible schedules, therefore I would still be able to work after having a child. He says "we have a lot of time ahead of us", which is true. However, I have explained to him that there are no guarentees...it could take years to get pregnant. And the list of reasons goes on. HELP!!!!

Answer 1

It really takes two to raise a baby and both of you need to be ready. Give your husband a little more time. In the meantime, you could check with your doctor that all your systems are "go". Then relax. Instead of nagging about this subject, why not talk about the things that your husband feels you need to do before having a child. Is there somewhere he would like to travel? A certain amount of money he would like to have stashed away? Or maybe is there something in himself that makes him uncertain about whether he would be a good parent? Although you have been together for 9 years, there is still a lot of undiscovered territory in both of you. Once you begin to have children, your lives will never be the same and it is better not to enter this phase of life with a lot of regrets for things you wished you had done before you had kids. You may be at the end of your list, but he's clearly not at the end of his. The mid-twenties is an important time of transition, where we solidify our adult selves. Enjoy the freedom you have now while you have it. As I approach the other end of child-rearing (my 4 now range from 15 to 21), I am looking forward to the day when I regain that freedom.

PS I was 33 when I had my first, so from my viewpoint, you DO have lots of time ahead of you!

One more thought: We "practiced" parenting by adopting a cat. It helped.

Answer 2

He's not ready... don't push it. Just because you've "been together for almost 9 years" doesn't automatically mean that you're ready to have a baby. You've been married a little over a year. There are a lot of adjustments and he's not ready to throw a baby into the mix. Give him time. Give it time.
But be assured, you will never be ready financially to have a child... that's simply an excuse that people make for putting it off. Being ready to have a child is more of an emotional thing, not a financial thing. If that were the case, then no one would ever have children.
Do not force the issue! Do not pressure him! Do not beg! And do not trick him into getting you pregnant. If in a few years he's still not sure about having a child, then you might just decide that you made a monumental mistake. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Your right but I don't think your husband is thinking of you. You are at a perfect age to have a child, I personally wouldn't want to start having children when I'm well into my 30s. You still want to be young when your grandchildren are around. I think more then anything your husband is just scared of the fact of having someone else to take care of. You both make well enough money to support a child so thats not the issue. I think you should sit down with him and let him know your serious and you are ready and you two could do it. Apparently you've tried this though and it hasn't worked, so really I don't know what to tell you. I hope your husband comes around to want to have a piece of him put on this earth. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I totally understand where you are coming from. I know you have been together for 9 years but only been married 1 year. I would wait at least another year or so being married first. Just to geta feel of married life. When I dated my husband before marriage it was great after we got married and had kids things slowly went down hill from there. Marriage and kids will change everything and you surely dont want to be stuck doing by yourself and I am going to school now to be a RN. Good luck! and try not to rush things, you are still young.

Answer 5

There is no reason why you should have to wait cause you gave all the things need to start a family and he need to understand you may have to wait a while in order to get pregnant.You two are at the right age to have a child and the older you get the more he not going to want a baby.It really will be nice if he go ahead and help you start a family.Because you will feel better if he was ready so you want have any regret.

Answer 6

I'd give him a reasonable amount of time that you're willing to wait since you've only been married a year. Say you're willing to wait one more year but during that year you want to go to couples counseling to see if there's a reason he's not feeling ready because if he's still not ready at the end of that year, you're hawking up on age 30 and it seems like in every practical way... you guys should be pretty much set.

If you wait until you're totally ready... you'll never have a baby. There's always a bigger house, a newer car, another vacation to take etc.

Answer 7

your husband is being honest and truthful with you. If he is telling you he is not ready then he is not. If you go ahead and have a child with him knowing this then you are opening your marriage up for failure. You need to ask him when does he feel it would be a good time for him. I think the more you pressure him the more he is going to be a thousand miles away from you. I have seen couples go through this and in the long run someone gets their feelings hurt and the child is the one who suffers the most. So you need to think about this child, and you can't throw stuff up in your husband's face like this is your kid also, you should be doing this and that and blah, blah, blah with him and for him, because remember he told you, I'm not ready. Respect the fact that he is being honest with you.

Answer 8

Well, he could be feeling insecure about being a father. its a pretty big step. You could ask him when would be a feasible time for you to try to get pregnant, asking for a time frame is reasonable if he is asking you to wait. Is there a specific goal he wants to achieve before children? In this talk, try not to get really emotional, but also let him know the reasons you want to have a baby, and that fertility is at its peak in the 20's.
He could father children for ages, but women only really have 20 years maybe for conception. And it may be a trend in Hollywood, but not a lot of women would want to have children in late thirties to forties.
Just talk it out. Its a huge decision that you have to make together and be in agreement with.

Answer 9

My Dad gave me great advice about that once. He said that if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you never will. There will never be enough money, enough time, etc. In the meantime, you're missing out. I'm not saying be irresponsible, but if you've been married a few years and have a decent income - jump in. You will never meet a married couple with a kid or kids who won't tell you it was the best thing they ever did. When you have a baby, you will both fall head-over-heels in love the minute you see him or her for the first time.
Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 10

Listen to your husband. He is very smart. I had a child at 27 and still was not ready. Even if you are ready your marriage isn't. You still have plenty of time. Relax and enjoy the wonderful freedom and time for romance that you and your husband have together now. Be content. You are two very lucky people to have good jobs and each other. Children will come when the time is right.