sis is giving birth in 3 mths i wasnt told about it cause she is giving it up. do i have the right to be angry

Question

i figured out from my sisters freind that she was pregnant and having a baby in september. She is going to give it up for adoption because she and her boyfriend cant afford it. my parents knew about this but decided not to tell me and my bro because they thought we would be better off not knowing. i am extremely ticked off to put it nicely. and my parents dont understand why. i know they might have tried to do the right thing but i am angry should i not be angry about this?

edit: my sis does not live with me and i am not mad because she is getting rid of the baby i am mad because my parents were never going to tell me about it.

she is 19 and she doesnt live with me. I am not angry about the adoption yes it is her decison not mine. i am angry because i wasnever gonna know this baby existed yet im his/her uncle.

Answer 1

I'm sure this is extremely difficult for your parents and your sister. As angry as you are, please try to understand they are trying to deal with this the best they can. If you have a good relationship with your parents, instead of approaching them being angry - you really should approach with them with "I feel hurt because"....... and let them know that maybe you felt left out, or maybe denied the opportunity to comfort your sister or support her through his hard time. Whatever your approach - be compassionate. I'm sure it's not personal - it's a really hard situation. The best thing to do is to support your sister in her decision and be there for her if she needs you.

Answer 2

I think it's perfectly normal and understandable to be angry or to feel any emotions that come up from this. This is not a small thing.

I suppose all of the advice you will get will vary, but ultimately, you have the right to feel the way you do and I hope that you work through this.

To do what your sis is doing is huge. Unless she is just some monster, she is probably being more unselfish than many would understand right now. I can't help but wonder if the "not being able to afford it" is just what your being told. There may and probably was a lot more that went in that huge decision that money. Things like: can I handle this responsibility, can I offer this child a good life, etc... Giving up a child is something most of us will never experience, and I know this decision doesn't come easy,..for most.

I still hurt badly for your family, because even if it really may be in the best interest for this unborn child, I can't help but feel like, that's your sister's child, and your niece or nephew, it belongs to her,..to all of you,..let God work it out,..maybe someone could help to start off with, but that's just my thoughts.

Support your sister the best way you know how,..support each other and don't feel wrong for how you feel.

Take Care

Answer 3

Ultimately it is your sister's decision on what to do with her baby. But I do agree with you that I would be upset about the fact that you were not told.
It would seem to me that as part of the family that you would have been included in the conversation, and told about the situation.
Your sister, if nobody else should have sat you down, explained the situation, and explained to you about her decision.
Finding out about it like you did has done nothing but probably make you feel like you are not part of the family and/or that what your sister is doing is some how wrong by keeping it a secret.
But also understand that your sister is going through a difficult time right now and needs your support not your anger. I am sure that she is in alot of pain with the decision that she is making about not keeping the baby.
Put your anger aside and go to your sister and be there for her in the difficult time.

Answer 4

I don't think you should be angry about this at all. It doesn't sound like you have a very close relationship with your sister, otherwise you would have known she was pregnant.
Adoption is a very personal choice and your sister has the right to tell only those that she chooses. She is only doing what she feels is right for her, and her baby. I admire her for that.
On the other hand, I would feel hurt not angry that my sister didn't feel she could tell me something so personal. I would feel like I had not been a very good sister to her.

Answer 5

Well, you have every right to be upset about this, because they're leaving you out of a large family-changing event, BUT you don't have any right to be angry in the yell/scream/stomp/pout sense. If you want to be involved in these adult decisions in the future, find a time when your family is calm and not busy, and sit down with them. Explain to them (calmly) that you felt hurt when they didn't include you in this, even if they thought they were protecting you. Let them know that you understand WHY they did it, but feel that it made you feel unimportant and ignored. Basically, just calmly tell them why you're so frustrated. Whatever you do, don't get worked up with them, or that will just prove to them that they were right.

You might also want to sit down with your sister and have a heart to heart with her if you two are close. That way you could make sure she's okay with all the decisions she's making, while you ask your own questions so you can get a better understanding of her decision.

In the end, maybe it really isn't any of your business in their opinion, but you're all family. Just make sure they understand that you're caring about them.

Hope that helps!

Answer 6

You have every right to be hopping mad that no-one informed you. It's a misguided concept that people shouldn't be told about things because they "might" be upset. For exactly this reason - when they find out, if they find out, the blow is twofold. The event itself, and the betrayal of those around you beleiving you cannot cope.
Your sister and parents have demosntraited a great lack of trust in yourself and your brother. This is why it's alright to be mad. If they tursted you,t ehy'd trust that you could cope. This is your sister. Not a stranger. Regardless of what she does, regardless of her choice, you have a right to know about important things going on with your close relations. Sisters, brothers, parents, kids. Not telling you is a way of cutting you off.

Yea, I'd say you were justified being mad.

Answer 7

no you do not have a right to be angry. It is her baby and if she doesn't want anybody to know that is THEIR business. They are making a decision that is hard enough as it is and for you to be angry, is well SELFISH. How dare you be angry? Your sister and her boyfriend are making a decision that will affect them for the rest of their lives and I am sure you would have been told when you were mature enough (which this posting is the exact reason you ewre not told) and when THEY were ready. Mind your own business and stop acting like a spoiled, selfish brat and let your sister GRIEVE over the child she unselfishly letting go for a better life.

Answer 8

Nobody can tell someone else how to feel. You should be angry for at least two reasons: you were kept in the dark about an important matter and this will be a neice or nephew that you will only see if they have an open adoption. You don't mention ages of anyone but please learn from this: If you are not prepared to have and raise a child then don't have sex before you are married.

Answer 9

yes, you do have some right to be angry. you are part of the family. even if you guys aren't close anymore or whatever the situation is, family should come first. whether you support her or not is beside the situation. a brother should know these things because you need to be with her in a critical time like this.

now that you know you have a right to be angry choose not to be. she is your sister and you have to respect her and your parents. your love for her should be unconditional which must overcome your anger. yes you can be angry but the best choice is to show her love right now.

Answer 10

You can be angry if you want.....Is it justified? I don't think so. As you get older you will understand that some things you just want to keep to yourself. It is going to be really hard on your sister to have to give her baby up. She will need a lot of love and support. She may not want everyone knowing what she is doing and she probaby doesn't want to talk about it. I know her heart is breaking. But if she can't afford to take care of the baby, hopefully it will get a loving family who will love and cherish it. I pray that you will forget about feeling angry just because no one told you about the baby and just love your sister and be there for her.