Parents of Teens only....?

Question

My 15yr old son just recently graduated from a Christian School that he was sent to for his behavior problems. I thought this would also help with the other problems 1 being, that he thinks he might be gay (he was also sexually abused) and the other is that alot of times he acts alot younger then his real age. I am a mother that is so lost and so angry, and so hurt. I don't really know what to do anymore. He blurts, and tells things, and acts like a child in alot of ways. I took him to work with me one day to a major hospital, for I had to deliver some papers to a police officer there in the building, I told him to stand next to the wall and I would be right back, mind you I never left his sight, but I turned my head for a second and he is sitting on the floor taking off his shoes, its not all the time that he acts this way, just sometimes. I don't want to sound harsh but I have raised my kids and now I just feel so overwhelmed with it all. Anyone have any advise...My patience is gone.

Answer 1

HAve you spoken to a doctor about this?

Answer 2

Sounds like what you really need is some professional help. But before anything at all, you need a break. Is there any family or anyone who could give you some time. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else. I was a single mother of 2 and sometimes I don't know how I did it. I had no help at all. There were times I thought I would tear my hair out, believe me I know how you feel. Some of the crap they pull. If he thinks he is gay, maybe he could talk to a counslor or something. If he is, you still have to love him. Where is his father? I mean if he is around he ought to be helping you out. I know my kids acted out at the worse possible times which can be so embarrassing as I'm sure you know. I don't know anything about him acting younger than he is, my kids were always trying to act older. It may be a cry for attention. I don't know how big a town you live in, but I would suggest that you see if there is a Boys Club that maybe he can go to sometimes to give you a break. And a real good organization is Big Brothers and Big Sisters. Where an older guy will act like a big brother to him, take him places he likes, hang out and talk. I would think that would definetely be worth a try just to give him someone besides his mom to talk to. That might be what he really needs if his father isn't around. Sometimes us moms can't help our sons with everything. There are somethings that are just too embarrassing to talk to us about. I would look into the Big Brother thing, or a mentor. It would probably be good for both of you. Imagine an afternoon with nothing but peace and quiet. Sounds like you really need it. You might check into that "Tough Love" also. That might be a good support group for you. If it makes you feel any better, they do grow up eventually. They get through it and now I have 2 beautiful grandsons.Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 3

He's obviously crying out for help. That isn't just poor behavior. When I was that age I went to school full time, and held down 2 part time jobs. I lived on my own, no parents. Both my kids stopped that type of behavior when they were 4 years old. The sexual abuse he experienced may have caused some serious mental problems. My advice is to get him to a psycotherapist. Many will give you an initial first visit free, or discounted rate. If it were me, I'd avoid someone of the same sex and age group of the person that abused him. If his father abused him, find a young female therapist, etc. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think therapy would be in order for your son. I have two of my own and am a foster mom. His behavior is very strange. He needs to work through them with a professional.
It isn't a problem to be Gay. Losing that attitude will help your son to feel enough freedom that, if it is a phase, he will stop if he has the freedom to make a choice. He may not though and he needs to know that you love him no matter what his sexual orientation is. Fighting him on this issue will not help him, not will it make him suddenly see things the way that you want him too.
I wish you luck and love and patience momma... Blessings.

Answer 5

it sounds like your child has a behavior problem and perhaps some post traumatic issues from sexual abuse, but if he thinks hes gay, it has nothing to do with being abused. gay people are not created by misfortune. they are born gay and should be respected, not treated as a diseased freak. A christian school is probably not the best answer for your sons problems. A psychologist who can confidentially address his issues is a must, and some respect, LISTENING from you, and a lillte nurturing is in order. Remember this: in the early teens, a child is having more developmental changes than he/she has had since toddlerhoood. they still need a lot of attention, love and feedback, but they also want to be treated as the smart people they are.

Answer 6

I have 5 children, four of them still teenagers, and I'm a single Mom. The only thing I can say is that there is a problem. It could be mental, emotional, or physical. I would SERIOUSLY check that out first. If it is none of those things then it probably is something to do with attention getting.

What has always worked for me is talking honestly with my children and allowing them the freedom to talk honestly with me. I have a child that was also sexually abused, so was I and it SCARS you for life. She got into drugs for awhile almost died and I got tough with her and put her in rehab. Today she is the mother of two children and trying to finish college so she can become a teacher. Try to tell your son how wrong you feel being gay is, but he may be saying that to rebel against you and what he feels has been done to him throughout his life.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you

Answer 7

Have you gotten him evaluated by a professional??
First off if he was sexually abused he needs to deal with that issue first.. That may be one reason for the childish behavior.. Counseling for the whole family might be something you want to check into. you need to learn what is the best way to handle your emotions, like frustration, being overwhelmed, and i'm sure not knowing what to think about him thinking he might be gay!!!

The fact that you say he thinks he might be gay confuses me you are either gay or you are not!! And you know if he is gay then you deal with it!! Love him for being him, your son!!!

It is the sexual abuse that is the most important thing to deal with right now and the rest will fall into place!!
Just support him!!!
Good Luck!!

Answer 8

I am a mother of three sons and they all at one time were confused about there sexuality. I first asked if they felt like having sex with a male and they all said no way. Then I said your not gay you can admire other men because you want to be like them, but that doesn’t make you gay. You should go to the bookstore and buy a book on adolescents that should help you with your son; he is just going though puberty.

Answer 9

If your 15 year old has behavior problems, then he needs to be in counseling. Probably both of you should go together,
Has he been diagnosed with a doctor with his problem? If not, you should. maybe there is a medication that could help. or a counselor could perscribe something.
If he doesn't act his age, you need to discipline him for that age that he is acting. When you threaten discipline, carry through..Try explaining to him, not yelling as to why he can' t do something or why he shouldn't act the way he does,
Good Luck.

Answer 10

I'm not a parent, but i am 16 and i can understand where your son is coming from.
I think that you yell at him too much, just because he took off his shoes, i mean, come on how much more petty can you be. Some kids just need their privacy and you need to give alot of that to your son. Maybe if you sit him down one day and have a one on one talk with him he'll open up alot to you.
P.S : where is his father?

Answer 11

It sounds like he is after attention...Good or Bad. If you cant trust him to act in an acceptable manner when in public leave him home. Just make sure he knows why he cant go. When he does do well reward him in some small way. Most important thing is to stay involved in his life. It is at this time that many stray into drugs and other bad stuff.