Is it bad that I am into bondage?

Question

I am always scared to tell my boyfriend (when I have one, currently single) that I am into bondage because I don't want to scare them I don't know if it would but I like to try different things. Is this bad, good, or in between that I like it?

well I don't have a boyfriend at the moment but I only told one about it in the past and he took it so far to the extreme that it scared the hell out of me, that is the reason why I am scared to mention it to others. the guy started choking me until I couldn't catch my breath and I like bondage but not being choked to death.

Answer 1

Play safe and have fun.

Play with somebody you trust completely, talk a lot about what you like and dislike. Explain what you like and what not. Especially in the beginning, stay with a scenario, to build up confidence and trust.

Change roles, which is another way to build up trust and confidence.

Answer 2

From personal experience, I struggled with the question of whether bondage was a bad thing. I suppose that I had the feedback of others that would think that it was. However, I discovered within myself that it is not a bad thing, and if it is not bad, and you like it, then it is a good thing.

It does take a lot of courage to admit to a new person that you have this interest, especially when you do not know the response that the other person will have. The courage to make this revelation is indeed connected with the building of trust, and this trust must work both ways. You will have to trust that he can accept this about you, regardless of his personal opinion, and he has to trust that it is something that you would not force upon him.

The time to bring it up is when you are far enough along in a relationship that something of a commitment is in place, but not so long that this commitment is too deep. Some guys will be repulsed by this aspect of you and will need to move on, which would be unfortunate in my opinion. I suspect that most guys can maturely accept this about you and will react in a reasonable way. (Of course, some guys might immediately pull out a pair of handcuffs!) ;-)

Concerning the one time that you have a negative experience after telling a guy, for him to be choking you without your consent is flat-out abuse, period. This was where a violation of trust occurred. I highly recommend that you be reasonably sure that your partner will not do anything to you that you do not approve of, just as he has to trust that you will be honest when you've had enough. This is why open, honest communication is very important.

To sum up, just remember that your urges are a part of who and what you are, and since they do not cause harm to others, you should never consider this a failing of your character. Be who and what you are. As the poet said, "To thine own self be true." I wish you well.

Answer 3

It is great that you are into bondage! It is a great lifestyle. Your ex didn't know what he was doing. You need to find a partner that knows the lifestyle, and what to do! Do not let people that haven't tried it before, try it on you. That's what I would do if I were you. A real master, or top, would know to find out your limits...... and not to do what that guy did. The first few months really, is finding out what your limits are, what you are/are not into, setting rules/standards etc etc. To go past your limits, without your concent, is qualified as abuse. Don't let it happen. While "punishment" PUSHES your limits, they should never be fully broken unless you agree that breaking the limits is a punishment.

I am dominant and have been into it for about 4 years. Not that long but long enough to gain some experience and learn a good bit. I am involved in a BDSM group in my area (Tucson AZ) and I highly recommend that if you have one in your area you go, at least for the discussions. Be careful, some see our kink as abuse still when really it isn't. It is consentual between two adults. Most not involved with the lifestyle get confused.

BDSM is an art, and a way of life. I am very much dominant. However I did try being submissive. While it was great that I learned the "other sides point of view" and that I learned many new techniques, being submissive is not for me. To each their own!

How long have you been into this?

If you are not near anyone that posts to this question, and you want to get a partner, check out sites like http://www.alt.com , or http://www.bondage.com , and others to find what / who you are looking for. Otherwise do searches in google/ask for "BDSM in (your area)." That will show up some groups, or at least normally some will pop-up.

If you need to know anything else feel free to email me at [e-mail] or via messenger at master_mike_81. Take care, and good luck in the lifestyle, whether a new fetish or one you are trying to grow upon!

Answer 4

Hon, you have be to YOURSELF and if a man does not want you for you then they are not the one for you. How hardcore are you? If you are hardcore then yes that may scare a man off. maybe you could start hanging out in places that offer conversations of bondage, or clubs something to that effect. I would approach a man very softly about this subject as most men are not into that and would want to be built up to that if they do not know much about this subject. When you find a man that makes you happy then tell him up front if he truly loves you and wants to make it work and make you his partner then he will bend to some of the things that you like. I would keep the bondage light in the begining of all relationships tho.

Answer 5

bondage is first and foremost about TRUST, and also communication. You need to be with someone you could talk to about ANYTHING, and someone you trust with your life because the next one might choke you to death if you don't know him. That's a very vulnerable position to be in. But if you're with someone that you trust, it can be incredible. Also, communication- you have to tell them what you do and DON'T want to do, so he can't think choking or breathplay is "okay". Some people like tickling, some like spanking, how will you know if don't try it, how will THEY know if you don't tell them?
Set up some ground rules about what is and isn't off bounds.

And no, it's not bad to have urges, impulses, and desires. It's what makes us human. You just have to be safe about it.
hugs, val

Answer 6

In my opinion, it's not bad at all. But really it's your opinion that counts since this is something that isn't going to affect a huge number of people.

What you might want to consider is trying to find someone that you like as a person who is also into bondage. I did and am now married to a wonderful man who ties me up and holds me down when the mood strikes him! He also lets me be the one doing the tying sometimes, which is also a wonderful thing.

Good luck and play safe!
bound

Answer 7

Heck no, it's not bad for you to be into bondage. I am still looking for a woman in my area that i can play with, bondage speaking...

Answer 8

you don't have to tell any one right away are you into bondage. you can just date him and see how it goes. if it lasts and you are into him and he into you than you can bring it up. there is no reason to tell him on the first date or first few dates.

Answer 9

I don't think it is bad at all. In fact, that is really hot. There are no rules about when to tell your new boyfriend(s) about your preferences right away. Work them into it. People who really like you and want you will be into satisfying your desires and wants.

Answer 10

Be proud of who you are. Don't be discouraged in any way. To thy own self be true and I send a leather strap to you.