Here's the deal. My gf of 2 years works weekends in the hamptons, her ex from 3 yrs ago lives around there. Last summer she said she talked to him as a friend until a drunkin call to her one night. So this year I was suspicious & have been checking her phone calls on her online invoices. (I used to pay for her phone bills.) Their has been several calls (incoming & outgoing), mostly 3-5 minutes long and one 3 hours long this summer. Sometimes she'll call me and if I dont pick up she'll call him. Sometimes she calls him after talking to me for an hour.
How do I approach her and tell her i KNOW she is talking to him? I cant say "i checked ur phone bill." After last month's bill I asked her & she said no. I told her I didnt belive her and told her that, both her and I know her ex's intentions, I would be very hurt and upset if she still spoke to him.
I dont think shes hanging out w/ him cuz she babysits for 15 hrs & I am sure of her love for me.
How do I make her know I know?
2006-07-25 11:09:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anthony 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i dont pay for her bill, i used to use my credit card so she can pay online.
And i DID bring it up.
2006-07-25 11:18:20 · update #1
Tell her your male intuition is telling you that she is talking to him. If she keeps lying, let her go.
2006-07-25 11:14:29 · answer #1 · answered by Solvinia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off you shouldn't have looked at her phone bill, theres really no way around that, but now theres 2 things you can do. The first is to come clean with her and say that you glanced at her phone bill and saw that her and her ex were still communicating, and you want to know what is up with that, and why she lied to you about talking to him, and that it makes it harder for you to trust her again because she lied. The second thing would just be to tell her how much you love that you two are honest with each other, and stuff and then ask her again if she has talked to her ex, since last summer, (or the last time that she admited she talked to him) and give her another chance to come clean.
2006-07-25 11:18:28 · answer #2 · answered by tryingmybest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Touchy... but bring it up in casual conversation. Tell her you got a call from one of your ex's and that she just left a message. Ask her advice if you should call her back just to say hi. When she gives you a hard time, just simply, not sarcastically or anything, well don't you talk to your ex's once in a while?
If she says no and is mad at you then she is playing into the woman conspiracy to keep you at her beckon call and you will need to find a way not to be her puppet.
If she can be honest with you and tell you the truth then talk about it. Don't ever let her know you looked at her bill!!
2006-07-25 11:24:24 · answer #3 · answered by Rampant_Lion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She lied to you, isn't that enough? She may still have feelings for her ex otherwise she wouldn't have lied. Since you say you are not paying the bill it gets a little tricky if you are checking her account online without her knowledge. You don't want to just come right out and say you've been checking but you need to talk to her about it. Since she knows that you already know she has talked to him in the past, I would just casually mention if she has talked to so and so lately. A healthy relationship is based on communication, trust and honesty and if she lies to you, you need to confront her with it. Say to her HOW you know that she is talking to him is not important, what the real issue is is that she is lying about it and you want an answer as to why she is lying to you about it. Tell her that her lying is hurtful to you, and that it breaks the honesty and trust in your relationship and ask her if her ex is worth coming between the two of you and possibly causing the relationship to end. If she truly loves you she will come clean about it and will tell you the truth and if she respects your feelings she will stop, if she doesn't cut the ties with him out of respect for your feelings, then she doesn't deserve to be with you.
2006-07-25 11:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyedgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should ask her if she has been calling/talking to him, if she says no, then u should be honest with her, and say that u were suspicious, so u checked her calls, and u know they have been talking, if she gets mad at u, just throw at her that she just lied right to ur face, and that is way worst then just checking some phone bill, then try to explain to her how u feel, if she doesnt like it, and if she cant forgive u for checking her calls, i think u should let her go, i know u probably love her alot, but if she has been talking to her ex and she is lying about it, u shouldnt stay with her, cuz ull only end up getting hurt way worst, if there is nothing to hide, when ull ask, she'll admit it, and if she does, u shouldnt worry, they are probably just friends, remember relationships cant be built on lies, be careful and good luck
2006-07-25 11:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by ndine_5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let her know that you check her phone calls that might get her mad at you and wonder why you were spying on her. This happened to my and my boyfriend before. Just ask her what she talks to him about and see if she'll finally just admit that she had been talking to him. I have a guy friend whom I used to be involved with and we would talk for hours before our relationship and about a year after our relationship we talked like that again. I still talk to him, but there is nothing there on my part. I know he still likes me and wants to get back together with me, but he screwed up when he cheated and I love my boyfriend now.
Just think about why they broke up in the first place and how good of friends they were. He might be interested in her, but she might not be interested in anything romantic towards him.
But, if she loves you she'll be honest with you and tell you that she's been talking to him. My boyfriend tells me about girls that he talks to on the phone, and sometimes what they talk about.
2006-07-25 12:01:03 · answer #6 · answered by BbyGrl80 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but if you pay for her bill, you have the right to look at it. So I would just ask her, if she's happy with you and she doesn't want to get back with her ex. If I talk to someone for three hours, I really must like them.
2006-07-25 11:14:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you want her to show you the bills. If she refuses, then leave her and tell her why. It's not for talking to her ex, it's for lying about it. You can't be in a relationship with someone who lies to you about this kind of thing.
It wasn't right of you to search her cell phone records, but it's not right of her to lie to you about the calls. She could have come right out and said that they talk, as friends, but she instead chose to lie about it.
2006-07-25 11:19:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen I didnt even read the whole thing...all I know is your Ex is talking to her EX......I made my life easier, I stopped talkin to ex's, when its over its over....and im srry to say if your GF is talkin to them, its sketchy. DOes that mean you cant ever talk to your ex, or be freinds, NO.....but its usually never for just being freinds. Once you have sex with some one, your no LONG Friends!!! you can car about them, but your not freinds anymore, just tell her, dont walk on egg shells.
2006-07-25 11:16:29 · answer #9 · answered by sUdoku 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all she's responsive to you having doubts of her conserving in touch along with her ex. having this in strategies, she wont be shocked in case you appeared with the aid of her invoice? Say the reality,.. and be certain you element it out that she could of finished the comparable if she exchange into on your shoes. They probobly flirting around. and its completely incorrect to do specifically for conserving it from you. this purely makes me ask your self whether she's conserving different issues from you? theres a reason shes no longer being undemanding. you need to confer along with her and tell her this isn't what you like... shes disrespecting you. she wouldnt such as you to do the comparable? locate out what shes up too... and bypass from there you will locate somebody which would be there for you and desire to spend all there time with you and not on the telephone with an ex. be careful and dont be afraid to speak your strategies! plenty success to you.!
2016-10-08 07:50:14 · answer #10 · answered by regula 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if there is something she needs to tell you.If you give her the oppurtunity to come clean and she is only talking to him on a freind basis she'll tell you.Unless she has something to hide.
P.S You can't be sure of her love for you,or you wouldn't be checking her phone.There's more to this than meets the eye.
2006-07-25 11:21:52 · answer #11 · answered by kelly c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋