What should I do about my in-laws?

Question

My in-laws are the least accepting people that I have ever met. We are of the same religion and race and yet they still treat me like an outsider. They talk badly about everyone [as long as they are not around] so I am sure that I am a constant target. I'm going to graduate school next year and am in the process of purchasing a house with their daughter [my wife] so I have shown them that I can work and provide. I try to be both nice and helpful and yet they are still rude to me.

Answer 1

Put them up on E-Bay for sale

Answer 2

They are testing you to see if they can push you around and give into your preferences. Since you are already married to their daughter, things are bit more difficult depending on her relationship with them. What you do about your in-laws is first and best dealt with by discussing with your wife. I don't know what your vows consisted of but mine (when I was married) said that each are to leave their mother and father and cling to their spouse (paraphrased).

You must take your leadership role in your family with your wife. If what your in-laws do is rude and disrespectful, then you should call them out for it right then and there and don't back down. Let them know that either they will respect you and you will tolerate nothing less. Do not let them emasculate (sp?) you; in the long run your wife will gradually loose respect for you. I would.

But first you must make this clear with your wife your concerns and your stance. Because what they are doing is so wrong I would hope that she is supportive of you. If not, then you need to start searching for a marriage counselor now because you will be doomed.

A woman may not always agree with your means, but she can respect you for the ends you accomplish. The respect that you will gain from her in such matters will only increase her love and trust in you.

Answer 3

There is really nothing you can do. You are married to your wife and not them. I know it makes things more difficult, but you just have to ignore it and continue loving your wife and do not let it come between the two of you. She is your focus. Having your wife talk to them is not going to change their minds about you. They already assume how your wife feels about you so her telling them how good you are to her and what a good guy you are are not going to affect their opinions. Make an effort to get along with them...don't give them a reason. Some people are just like that and nothing will change them unless they decide to change. Be peaceful with them and avoid them as much as you can without letting your wife down.

Answer 4

It's good that you are buying your own house and stay with your wife. Try to be nice to them by buying things for them and see if it works. If not, forget about pleasing them. They're not worth your time/effort. So long you know you've tried your best - your conscience is clear. Visit them only once in a while - from the way they treat you, they've no respect for you at all. Just like my own mum.

I've been pleasing my difficult mum for a long long time - but till today, she doesn't give me a damn. It's very hurting and that had aggravated my depression again. I'm suffering yet she doesn't care at all. I told myself I must be strong and must recover soon for the sake of my 2 boys and my husband.

Take care and good luck!

Answer 5

There are some things you'll never change. This is one of them. It nevertheless requires you to grit your teeth and be civil with them, because they are your wife's parents and she cannot help their attitude. If you openly complain too much it will only add stress on your wife, which will then cause more stress on you. I would accept the matter as not resolvable at the present time, but it may calm in the future...near future or far future, but for now just keep things comfortable between you and your wife.

Answer 6

wow. make sure you don't purchase that house very close to her parents. Meet them when you must, and dont say a word. if your wife talks about them just be as neutral as you possibly can. If you have to rage out your furious feelings, use a close friend whom can keep mouth shut.

When they talk shi... about other people, do not support them at any moment. Only thing you can do is to ask questions about it that maybe can make them think things over - or maybe at least your wife.....

If you talk too much to your wife about this, she will end up defending them, and you didn't actually get something positive out of it. You need to let her know how you feel in very small dosage! If you have to.

I'd try to have as little to do with them as possible.

Answer 7

You can only let it go on for so long. I think you should talk to your wife and explain how you feel if she truly loves you she should understand because you guys are one now, and whatever you do don't let them disrespect you especially in your household because if they do they will most likely think you are a push over and keep disrespecting you. There is a difference between being rude and being firm, So GET FIRM! they need to learn that you are together and get over it. you should kill them with kindness but, at the same time don't let your guard down. Kill them with kindness to show you wife that you are trying and how they treat you.

Answer 8

Some parents just cannot let go of their children. You should have a chat with your wife explaining how you feel and hopefully she will stand up for you. If all else fails, just keep smiling and let it all roll off your back; they don't live with you - your wife does and the two of you are the important issue here. When they keep being offensive about you, others will see that they are the fools, not you - so just be you with a smile on your face.

Answer 9

sorry to say this. . But, F*ck them.

In the end, you will out live them, out spend them, and definately out grow them. If your DW was too worried about their opinions, I'm sure she wouldn't have married you, because if they are talking about you now, they were talking about you then.

I know it's hard not to care, but they obviously are determined to live their lives through opinions, opinions based on others actions. You would have nothing to do with them, if it wasn't for marrying their daughter. Ask yourself if these are the type of people you would be involved, if you picked them as friends or associates yourself.

If not, then there is no reason to please. The only person you should be worried about is your wife. If she is pleased, then all is well. Don't write them off, don't write them in. Just live, a separate life. . . independent of their callous thoughts and deeds.

Answer 10

Well, my advice would be to stay positive around them. They have already made the decision long ago not to let you be "part" of the hive. They will not change and you can't force them to accept you. Once you realize this things will look better overall. The most important relationship is with your wife in the big picture. I have seen this happen before and people just beat themselves up over it. People can be cruel and mean without knowing it. Freedom!!!!!

Answer 11

Don't let them in......They will never leave.....No...All kidding aside...Your wife needs to stand by you and remember you are married to her not her mom and dad, but every parent wants there kids to be happy, loved, safe and have a good life. But on the other hand In-Laws are just that way. If so, you need to say, Hey that's them and go on. Love your wife and keep her safe and she will be happy. Maybe with time her mom and dad will come around and see that you are a good man. The man for there daughter that will love her, keep her safe & happy with a good life.......but In-Laws will always be In-laws..... Best of luck with the In-Laws....