What can I do to ?

Question

I have an 11 year old son, he acts up in school tramendously, since 2 grade. he is a normall kid. Intellegent, out going, people person, friendly. but he hates school he refuses to do his work during school hours in class he refusses to do homework, he lies constantly about me,and about his behavior. He says he hates school. He is only 11yrs old. I won't turn my back on him ever but what can I do to help him understand and see school in a different way.He takes his tests and passes with no problem. teachers, staff, and the principle in school are very close with him and say he has potential and is very smart but wont do the work. they want to help him just as much as I do. his behavior is out of control in school. I am a mother of three. he is the oldest.
please any advice?

Does anyone know of a great behavioral therapist for kids, and phsycologists in New York City? (manhattan,queens) or a site I could look under? thank you for your help I greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

It sounds to me like he is bored.

Suggestions:

o discuss the situation with the school - teachers and counsellors (in Australian schools, there is usually access to some form of behavioural therapist or psychologist). A programme involving extension work in fields of interest (computers/robotics/sport and phys ed/ forensics/music/whatever) and a supportive environment with no-nonsense clear expectations about behaviours and consequences is usually a good start.

o see a psychologist or counsellor privately

o communication is the key - if adults communicate WELL with each other, the children cannot get away with lying about them

I understand that you have 2 others to worry about, but if this isn't sorted soon you may well have THREE kids behaving this way! It is worth investing the time and effort

Answer 2

When I was that age, I refused to do my homework too. I didn't want to sit down to do it. I wanted to just do my own thing and be left alone. I was also teased and bullied in school. You have to ask him a couple of questions before you can come up with a solution.
1) Does he have any problems with other children? Why would a child hate school?
2) Is he bored with the school work...(if he's passing his tests easily, then he is not being challenged- this creates boredom and then makes him act up)
3) Are you and his father spending enough time with him at home? Or is it just all stress because of homework?

I think this is a good start. Find out what he's thinking about, then you will know what to do.

Answer 3

Orinoco W. is right, discuss this together with the son's teacher and counselor, try your best to see he gets a support team together at the school, at which he can be a participating member.

Network around your church, temple, or synagogue for the behavioural psychologist or expert you're looking for. I suppose you are checking the Yellow Pages and the internet. You might contact the State Board of Psychology for what you need, references that is. Keep at it, don't get discouraged, and don't forget to let your son know you love him even when he's acting up. It's tough for him too, don't forget.

Have you considered an alternative school, one which is more creative, less traditional? Some of the problem, I am thinking not just as a parent but as a teacher, is our dry approach to learning. You might look for one with more freedom, more creativity in the approach to presenting knwledge and instilling a desire to learn, to problem solve, to create. Find out what your son likes to do in his free time. Therein might lie the clue to developing his strengths, giving him a sense of self-esteem. Then you work on the weaknesses together.

Good luck! Don't ever give up!

Answer 4

You son seems to be a very intelligent child. He is able to grasp his school work much quicker than other children and then becomes bored with the class. You should talk to his teacher to give him projects in class. Once he is done his work, he can then work on something he likes while he waits for the rest of the class to catch up. He needs to keep his mind active at all times. It is not a good idea to keep nagging him about his school work and then have the teachers doing the same thing. He needs some positive feedback to get him back on track.

Answer 5

Have him tested for a learing disability and talk to your doctor. If he's out of control now, then he will be impossible when he is 16! Talk to your school guidance counselor. It's free and has to be completed within a certain period of time after you request testing.

Sometimes kids get bullied at school and can't express what's happening other than they 'hate school'. Sometimes, even though they do well on tests, they still have a disability. Everyone thought I was crazy when I asked to have my 16yo daughter making A's and B's tested. Guess what, she did have a learing disability, she just compensated.

That's why it's important to have your son evaluated. He's lucky that you care and want him to succeed. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I agree with Orinoco.

Seems to me you child is above intelligent and schoolwork is no challenge for him and he is bored.

Let him join some hobby class which will challenge him and also give him less free time to get bored in. If he is super smart(which I think he is) school work does not take long to finish and as he is only 11 he does not know what to do with his time.

Send his for sport training or speech and drama or some music training. Will help him get a skill which will be useful in the future also.

all the best.

Answer 7

Teach him. All you have to do is either beat him with a belt or show him what he'll end up like if he refuses to do school work. I'm 13 and sometimes i don't always feel like doing what I'm supose to but I'll know what'll happen if I don't. Flunking, whooped, and lockdown. If you refuse to spank your child then put him on lockdown. No phone,t.v., playing devices-(playstation,x-box-gameboy etc.). He'll learn soon. Because the older the more hard work and the more classes. Its true. So you better believe it now or later.

Answer 8

Ok _now when I say this dont take offence...honestly take a look at whats going on at home and your relationship with him. I was the same way when i turned 11, exactly the same!!! I am now in a treatment center and Im 23. My mom was not a bad mom but my childhood/homelife could have been improved. Check with your family doctor he can refer you somewhere.
PS. Maybe he ha ADHD or a learning diasbility or maybe he isnt doing well socially.

Answer 9

You have to encourage him about schools give some of your good examples in scholls so that he gets a little motivated.Make it a fun going thing for him rather than just a boring thing.Even while doing his homework you can make it like a quiz thing and help him out.Bring fun with his work
Good luck

Answer 10

The people who said to use corporal punishment are ignorant...

There needs to be consequences for his bad behavior. If he loves video games, certain toys, money, take them away for a certain period of time.

OR

Use positive reinforcement, when he has a good day, he is rewarded with some time playing video games, watching tv, special time with a parent, etc...

Good for you for trying to take care of this. I'v seen too many parents do all the wrong things. Good luck to you.