Do you think my mother will change her attitude when we have a baby?

Question

My mother is very negative about my husband and I having a baby.

We have been together for 5 years and plan to get pregnant in a few months when I am 24 and he is 25.

We have financially and emotional stability and want to start a family.

My mother makes negative comments when we have mentioned starting a family one day.

She tries to discourage us and tells us to wait until we are in our 30’s.

I think its because my mother thinks she is too young to be a grandma in her late 40’s.

She has two other children still living at home who are 8 and 12.

I think she doesn’t “feel” like a grandma since she is still raising kids.

I am hoping her attitude will change when we tell her I am pregnant.

Any advice?

Answer 1

It's your child, your life, your decision.

Answer 2

You are exactly the right age and in the right situation to start your family. If you foolishly wait until your 30's, it is highly likely that you will not be able to get pregnant.

This is a hard thing to say but your mom has most likely been brainwashed with feminist nonsense. Women have a biological shelf life. Your reproductive peak is age 18. It stays pretty near its max until age 25 (many cultures consider a woman without a baby at this age to be a spinster). It drops off markedly between ages 25 and 30. Between ages 30 and 35 you can still get pregnant but it won't be easy. Between 35 and 40, most women lose the ability to have a baby. When feminists say wait until late in life to have a baby, what they mean is, don't have a baby. Since that means your life will basically amount to nothing, that is a sad position to be in. Don't believe them.

There are probably alot of things you should ignore your mother about. Focus on your husband and family. Be GOOD to them. Almost nothing else matters in life. Don't get distracted. Don't be fooled into nonsense while you let the important stuff get all gnarly. Understand that there are forces in the world trying to trick you and your husband (and later your children) into doing things that are very bad for you. The agents for these forces often aren't even aware of what they are doing. They mean well but do great harm. You must get used to ignoring them and doing what is right.

Answer 3

She's not having the baby, YOU ARE. Your mom sounds like she wants you to not make the "mistakes" she did when she was younger, but that might not be true either. You know that you will love that baby and your husband unconditionally whether your mom accepts the fact that she's a grandma before she's 50. I say talk to a counselor about this because it can cause a lot of unwanted stress while pregnant, and it probably wont stop after the babies born either. Remember that your starting your own immediate family now, and your mom will not affect your decisions if you don't want her to.

Answer 4

I think she will change her mind once you actually get pregnant. You are the perfect ages to start trying to have a baby.:) If she doesn't stop her negative comments & I would ask her if she would respectfully keep them to herself. That you can agree to disagree & hopefully you won't have to hear it anymore. This is a decision between you & your husband & no one else, even though some people are discouraging try not to let it get you down (although I'm sure it's hard). Right now just try to relax you don't need any stress while your trying to have a baby. Good luck, I hope all goes well with you!:)

Answer 5

She'll either change her attitude, or she won't. Does it change your plans? Honey, you don't ask Mom's permission for something like this. This is a decision for you and your husband to make. Mom will get over it. Tell her she doesn't have to be known as "grandma" if she doesn't want to. Let her pick out what she'll want the granchildren to call her. And that's the only control you should give her on this. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think her attitude will change when the baby comes. Mothers always worry about their kids, but when the baby comes you don't exist cause everything is for the baby. i had 3 kids. 2 when i was 19 and one when i was 21. I'm 23 now and not with the father of the kids cause he was abusive, so at least your hubby's mom should be happy that you have the money and are stable to raise the kid, cause at least your trying. hang in there.

Answer 7

It is your life and I think that if you want to have a baby you should. It sounds like you and your husband have thought it through and are ready to welcome a new member into your family. But, you should talk to your mom, and tell her that her negative comments hurt you and even though she has 2 young children and may not be ready to be a grandma, you are ready to be a mom and you want her to be happy for you and a part of your baby's life. And I definitely think that she will be happy once she sees her grandbaby! How could anyone not?! Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 8

Giving her the benefit of the doubt she may want you both to get some more life experience and maybe have some more fun before you are tied down with kids.

If you both are ready to have kids then have kids. I can't imagine that your mother would be able to look at your baby and do anything but beam and shower him or her with love.

Answer 9

You can't change any body's attitude...especially your mothers. If she feels a certain way towards you and your husband, those feelings will more than likely stay there for a long time. Meanwhile, she may put out a friendly persona.

Answer 10

Your mother is selfish. It was okay for her to have you but now she doesn't want you to have the same experience. It is definitely hypocritical from where I stand.
Leopards never change their spots. Don't expect too much when you spring it on her.
At any rate, Your new family is much more important than a self-centered mother.

Answer 11

Not necessarily.

I know a few women who refuse to be called "grandma".

But whether her opinion or attitude changes or not, you have the choice on whether or not you are going to let her get under your skin.