My mother-in-law has hated me since the our first date?

Question

I have been with my husband for 5 years total.

On our first date I went to his house to meet him.

He introduced me to his mother and she glared at me and was rude.

She has been very aggressive with me since I married her only child.

And she has not had a boyfriend in MANY years. She also has no friends.

What do you do when you have a mother-in-law who will always hate you?

I stole her son’s attention and she hasn’t gotten over it.

I am polite to her but she is still cold to me.

Answer 1

exact thing was goin on this away..... i couldnt take it n e more it ruined our relationship

Answer 2

Try going to her and be kind but very candid with her. Explain to her that you don't want there to be tension between the 2 of you. Ask her what can be done to make things better between you? I know this isn't your place since she's the problem, but you are talking about the 2 most important women in your husbands life. Try explaining how unhappy this is making all of you. Invite her out with the 2 of you occasionally. I would only involve your husband as a last resort. This will only drive a deeper wedge between you and the mom. She will only see you as someone trying to make her son choose or trying to turn him against her. You are an adult and even though she may be acting childish , so is she. Have a woman to woman talk with her about how much you both love her son. Tell her it would mean alot to you if you could be friends and you could come to her for advice. Maybe she just needs to feel needed. I will pray for you all . Good Luck

Answer 3

If you can handle it just keep doing what you are doing. Kill her with kindness. There really isn't too much you can do. It is the only mom your husband has and he can't change that. You could cause a big stink and all that is going to do is create tension for all involved. If you wanted to try something the only thing I can say is maybe invite her to a lunch with just you and her in a public place like a restaurant (that way she can't tell you to get out, she can't easily walk away and she has to be somewhat polite as she is in a public place). Then order your food and drinks then tell her how much it hurts you the way she treats you and how hard you are working at keeping things calm for her sons sake. That you are trying to not make her son feel like he has to choose between the two of you. That you feel if she truly loved her son and wants him happy she would try to be a little nicer to you cause he can sense the tension and it upsets him. Good luck to you as you are in a tough situation.

Answer 4

Just do what you are doing. She doesn't have to like you just because you married her son. This is probably why she doesn't like you. It sounds as if she believes you took her life away. You stated that she has no romantic relationships or friendships so she is lonely and she is blaming you. The best thing is to allow her to still be in her son's life. If she is rude to you it is up to your husband to let her know that if she can not be respectful of his wife then he doesn't feel comfortable bringing you there. If you can't feel comfortable visiting then his visit will decrease in frequency because you are also a very important woman in his life. But whatever you do don't make him choose between his mother and you. Let him have both.

Answer 5

It sounds like a lost cause. Her son was all she had, and yes, as you can plainly tell, she hates it. Just don't stoop to her level. Be kind at all times no matter how frustrated she makes you. If you are truly concerned, try talking with your husband about you all sitting down and having a nice talk. Airing out the dirty laundry might help clear up whatever she has against you, and then you can move forward with your happiness.

Answer 6

We had a similar problem - but it was my father and my husband. He was NEVER good enough for me (according to my father) and he made that clear every chance he got. Eventually I had to choose..... I've been married nearly 20 years now and have 2 wonderful children. Finally my father saw that he was wrong, and that he had to be "nice" if he wanted to see me and his grandchildren. It took a LONG time, but it finally worked out.... but I made the choice to start my OWN life and not be ruled over like a little child. It's really up to your husband - he has to choose whether he picks his mother over you, or whether he's willing to stand up to her and put you first.

Sorry, but this isn't a battle for you to fight - it's up to him. But if it were ME, I'd refuse to have any contact with her until this stops. It's just completely unacceptable!

Answer 7

hey 5 years is definatly no 2 months. u've been strong so dont let it ruin ur relationship NEVER. did u ever wonder y she has no boyfriend or friends ? most probably cuz she act rude all d time so ignore her atitude (still b nice to her so that u wont offend ur husband) but apart frm that let her and her silly atitude b. ur not married to her ur married to ur husband.

may u have lots and lots of anniversiries x

Answer 8

Well obviously you cant change who she is. She'll probably never accept you taking away her pride and joy.
As long as you and your husband are happy, I wouldnt worry about her. If he wants to see her, that's his mom, his choice.
Let him have his own time with her, if he so chooses. But in your shoes, NOTHING on this earth would prompt me to visit her.
In addition, she would not be welcome in my home. And I'd gently make him aware of that....and her as well.
You have a life, and I expect a family one day....if not already.
All the best to you.........and your patience! You are one of a kind angel. I hope your husband is aware of that!

Answer 9

You seem to be getting it from both mothers. Let go of it. Go ahead with your plans to have a baby. Be polite but firm with both moms and you and your husband live your own lives.

Get your husband to support you with his mom and you support him with yours. But above all else, this is your life not theirs. Live it the way you choose.

Answer 10

It's not your fault or your problem she can't reconcile to your marriage. She should be happy her son found a loving, good woman to spend his life with. Continue to be polite when you have to be around her, but just be happy with your husband. Don't let her drag you into her misery.

Answer 11

A mother- in-law like that is BAD-MIND. She knows that her son loves you and probably because noone has ever loved her in her life she is just JEALOUS of you. Continue being polite to her, she might learn from you and might quit being RUDE.