why can't you be friends with your ex?

Question

i am thinking of getting romantically involved with my good (probably best) friend for the past year, we are both very interested in each other.
However, I tend to get involved with friends, we break up, and then it seems impossible to ever be friends again.
I hardly ever hear about exes who still hang out and know each other very well, or even care to know each other in a deep friendship.
What is it about being friends, becoming more than friends, and then when you break up, you don't have any desire to be that person's friend anymore? What about going from friends to lovers makes you no longer interested in their friendship? (in a friends-only way)
Is there any way to avoid it and what about romance/sex changes that?
So many people say "you just can't be friends with exes".
but WHY? because you have been too intimate? you know too much about each other? your little quirks annoy each other too much?
I feel like there must be some kind of psychological Freudian explanation behind it.

Answer 1

First of all, in my opinion, the best relationships are those that start out as friendships first. You have a solid foundation on which to build your romantic relationship. But before you start another relationship with yet another friend, try to figure out why it hasn't worked out in the past and make sure you're not repeating the same mistakes.

With that said, why do you want to be friends with your exes? If it didn't work out as a relationship, why would it work out as a friendship? Wanting to remain friends after a break up is just a selfish need and that's normal. But you can't have your cake and eat it too. It will not help you in the future to continue to be friends and, in fact, it will only complicate things. There's a history there that can't be ignored. Could you really stand to watch your ex date other people? Would it be fair to expect him to do the same? And even if you're both ok with it, what will his new girlfriend or your new boyfriend think of your friendship? Chances are that jelousy will come into the picture.

I think you just have to accept that there's a risk involved when you cross the line from friend to "more than friends." It's a gamble that you have to be willing to take, in hopes of finding something more.

Answer 2

Usually you can't be friends because one person doesn't want to be for some reason. It could be any reason, not just intimacy. For example it might just hurt too much that you can no longer hold that person lovingly anymore. Or it could be that it ended badly and you never want to see the person anymore because you are angry at them. It doesn't have to be a set reason. From what I've seen it is usually the hurt and the anger that drives them apart. Its not impossible to be good friends though. It won't work immediately following the relationship but, give it a few weeks and you should be able to start picking things up in that friendship. It takes two though so don't be sure of anything no matter how well you know the person.

Answer 3

I think the reason some people cant be friends with the x is because the couple have said and done things to hurt each others feelings so bad that it is beyond repair, if you can get over the past you can be friends, you see my x and I have great sex but we are not that great of friends, we have two children whom we both love and care for. only we live about 200 miles apart and see each other at least once a month or so .we get along just fine and the sex is great but like I said when it comes to having a friend it is not him because I cant forgive him for hurting my feelings, he cant either, although I hardly did any thing to him. (ha ha)

Answer 4

because relationships involve feelings of possession, of which men have a stronger desire.

That is why you always hear women say we can "just be friends" and you rarely hear men say that. How can we "just be friends" while some other guy is between your legs?

The second reason IMO is that the dating game is a females game, females have the upper hand until sex/marriage/baby.

Then the male is on even terms. ie, he 'got it;' and she no longer has sex as an incentive.

After that the males want to "just be friends" and the women start to refer to him as "azzhole" and "jerk" who doesnt give her attention.

Its best to treat a man like a king, cook for him, suprise him with things, kiss him and give him space. Be loyal and faithful but DONT have sex (and don't tease).

You will be married before you know it, the bond will be based on those other things.

IMO

Answer 5

You cant be friends, because when you break up with someone , each one of you is pretending they dont love each other but deep insde you still have feelings and you dont want to be near that person because you dont want that person to know that, so just pretend to "hate" each other but you just still love each other. Good luck with this problem, the most difficult of them all.....love.

Answer 6

well some people do and some don;t i don;t BC when you broke up someone end up with a broken heart and we ignore being with that person it BC some got hurts and it the best thing if you ask me i mean see him with other girl it very hard and think that he left you for her worse

Answer 7

once you have sex, no matter what, even if you don't act on it, even if you didn't enjoy it, in the back of your mind you're going to wonder if you're going to have sex again.

Answer 8

ex's r ex's for a reason but if u get along with them well then do it