What is the proper treatment for obnoxious bicyclists?

Question

I'm not referring here to kids on their way to the playground. I'm talking about spandex clad yuppies on status symbol bikes who won't keep to the right side of the roadway, and often ride two or three abreast in defiance of traffic law as well as common decency. They apparently take self-righteous pleasure in delaying and annoying motorists.
What's YOUR favorite method for dealing with these vermin? I've considered responses ranging from mild (hurling insults) to medium (hurling the remains of a fast-food meal) to severe. (I won't describe this but it involves picking bits of spandex and gore from the treads of the tires afterward.)
What response do you prefer?

I have to confess that I expected most of the answers to be "Eeeyewww you're an awful person" and I was gratified to see that many others are annoyed by the obnoxious cyclists that I described.
Please keep in mind that not ALL cyclists are discourteous and rude.
A note to Omar Y - The law in my state also requires bicyclists to stay on the extreme right of the pavement to allow motor vehicles to pass when safe. That's why I used the phrase "defiance of the law" in describing them.
Also, a special note to crazyotto65 - You describe yourself as "one of those 'obnoxious' bicyclists" and I believe you.

Answer 1

Be careful.
Road rage can kill.

Answer 2

Okay, first of all, calm down. State law is on your side. Four states (Hawaii, Massachusetts, Nebraska and Virginia) require single-file riding at all times, and two others (Colorado and Montana) require it except under special circumstances (no motor traffic within 300 feet forward or back in the case of Colorado, and roads with two or more lanes in each direction in the case of Montana). Otherwise, according to New York state law, bicyclists may drive two abreast on roadways, but they must drive single file when being overtaken by other vehicles.

Instead of taking matters into your own hands and needlessly escalating what could already be an intense situation, use your cell phone (if you have one) and call the police. Cyclists who block the road (assuming you are on a two-lane highway) obviously don't understand the law or are deliberately flaunting it, so a visit from the police would be the perfect way to educate them.

Bicycling on the road can be hard enough because many motorists don't even know that bicycles have the same right to the roadway as motor vehicles (though they must stay as far right as possible to allow other vehicles to pass, unless they are moving with the flow of traffic). Please don't do anything that would get anyone hurt.

Answer 3

I prefer to refer to the cyclists you describe as "targets" and whenever I see them on the road, I refer to it as "open season". In military terms, I look at the road as a "free-fire zone". To that end, if there are a lot of cyclists I refer to it as a "target-rich environment". I am not above pinching them off in a right turn lane, either. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to see one of those pusssies have to take one or both feet out of the stirrups so they can stop. Quickly, I might add.

Answer 4

First you tell em their shoe laces are undone then you smack em round the head and tell em to stay to the right. They're so annoying and they go out on the roads and the most stupid times! Or you could just shout out their back tyre is flat, I know this answer is stupid but really I'd love to do these things. Hurling insults just make em more adamant to piss you off!

Or you drive right up close and beep the horn? Just edge towards them more and more making them nervous but making sure you don't knock em off...you wouldn't want that would you? Lol

Answer 5

It drives me crazy too. I live in a real tourist destination spot and there are bike tours that let off van loads of bicyclists to swarm all over the roads. I just ride up close behind them and then gun it when I have a clear spot to get around them.

Answer 6

Get the city to build bike paths ! Start a campaign, get signatures, and maybe you will get the ball rolling.
In Muenich, Germany, they have more bikers than cars. along all main streets are bike paths in both directions. It's great. The only problem is driveways, where both bikers and drivers have to look out.

Answer 7

Ask nicely for them to consider the fact that they're blocking traffic and you'd appreciate it if they didn't ride all in a row.

If they keep on doing crap like that... ride behind them and call the cops from your cell phone. They can't just be blocking traffic like that.
If you do anything like insulting or throwing stuff, you'll be the one that looks bad and they'll just become more belligerent... and who knows... maybe they would call the cops on you.

Answer 8

I suggest filling up a couple of water bottles with yellow flavored gatorade. Open the lid and hurl it at them. This has a similar effect to hurling bottles of urine, but without the mess of having to carry such bottles around.

Answer 9

I install a semi air horn on my car. Every time I happen to run into a annoying bicyclist I just hit the horn and bam they move and scares the crap out of him/her. Try that:)

Answer 10

Yeah, be careful.

I'm one of those 'obnoxious' bicyclists and I ride packing heat. You dis me and I'll pop a cap in yore a s s...

I'm just waitin' for someone like you to come along..

Answer 11

Well, they have every right to use the road as you do. However common decency would dictate they allow free passage for. I would sell my car if I were you and move to Latvia.