My girlfriend does a lot of traveling for her job. She spent two weeks away with a group of coworkers on business, and one of them she had an "innocent" crush on since she started. During the flight, on the way home, the two of them joined the mile high club.
I found out about this on accident and confronted her. She was vehemently sorry. She swore she felt bad about doing this and would never do anything like it again. We recently signed a lease to live with one another, and now I don't know what to do. I still love her and I want to believe her when she says she will never cheat again.
Am I foolish for taking her back?
2006-07-25 07:48:40 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If people cheat once, they can do it again. What makes it worse is the fact that you knew about her crush on him, which leads to the question - did she plan this 'accident' all the long?
After people cheat, they say sorry. You love her but she just doesn't respect you enough. I think you need to respect yourself more - send her packing. Not out of hatred or malice - just out of respect for yourself. Even if you let this incident go - it will always be on your mind, she has severely damaged the trust and it just can't recover from that, something like that could psychologically damage you if you stay with her - you'd always be paranoid (and quite rightly so).
Find a woman who's going to treat you right!
2006-07-25 07:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide that. Lots of couples can get past infidelity but you have to be willing to forgive him and by that I mean truely forgive her. That means not throwing it in her face everytime you fight and not checking on her every second she isn't with you. You mentioned one of the reasons that you are considering taking her back is because you just signed a lease. Don't let money be a factor in such a big decision. Obviously she isn't the most reliable person in the world and living together could prove to be a big mistake if history repeats itself. I understand that you would want to believe her when she says it was just one time but how many people do you know when they get busted cheating say "O God I sure wish I could continue this affair"? None. They all say the same thing. "I'm so sorry, it was an innocent mistake, and it will never happen again." I would have a tad more compassion for her if she would have confessed without being confronted. That shows true remorse but the fact that you found out by accident and had to confront her doesn't really put any points in her corner. Think about it. Lets assume for a second she is telling the truth and it was just one time and she got caught up in "the moment" (which i have a hard time believing seeing as how THEY WERE ON AN AIRPLANE) she thought so little of your relationship that she was willing to potentially throw it away from what could only be considered mediocre sex considering that I don't think it could be too terribly great in such a cramped space and then there is the fact that there is a toilet in the room. I know you want to think the best but look at it logically. She was willing to throw away what you have for sex in a bathroom. Can you honestly say that since she travels a lot for her job that you won't be sitting there worrying that she won't "get caught up in the moment" again? I would say cut your losses and find someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
2006-07-25 08:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She cheated on you right after you signed a lease to live with each other? She must have commitment issues. It depends how much you love her, if you should get back together. my guess is she got nervous about moving in with you and wanted to know if you are really the guy she wants to be with. Or it may be she just can't be with one guy and has to explore all her options. If the latter I would dump her right away, but of course you do not know what her true reason for cheating on you are.
2006-07-25 07:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a nice person and deserve better. She cheated on you, and chances are that she'd do it again. Did she willingly tell you what she did or did you "accidentally" find out? If she told you herself, then she is probably truly sorry. Otherwise, she got caught ....plain and simple. You signed a lease, but you could get out of it if you really wanted to. If you love her and want to stay, then watch yourself. Always use protection during sex just to make sure she doesn't give you something. Just realize there are plenty of girls out there who wouldn't cheat and either way, be happy.
2006-07-25 07:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by shynomore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm very sorry to hear about that. It's probably the worst anguish to deal with someone breaking your heart.
I can tell you from experience that if she had ideas on another guy once, there's nothing saying that it could not happen again unfortunately. I would not in any way take that as a shot or stab against you as a person or a shot against your character. That's HER problem. I know that if someone cheated on me I would never want to associate with them again. Especially someone that I had been in love with and was about to live with. You can do better, trust me!
2006-07-25 07:54:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt take her back but that really depends on how you feel about her. Is she the love of your life? I hope your apt. has two bedrooms. Live together until you can find someone else to take over your half of the lease. Maybe by having some seperation by living in different rooms you two could work things out.
2006-07-25 07:51:23 · answer #6 · answered by smalltownangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to really talk this one out with her. Has she cheated before? If she has then she will continue to cheat. I would also worry about her because it was very unprofessional for her to hook up with a co-worker on a business trip. This would make me wonder about her intriguity. Did she tell you what happened or did you find out from another source? If she told the truth maybe she is sorry but if she didn't she is probably just sorry she got caught.
2006-07-25 07:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Elle M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was you who had cheated. Would you want your girlfriend to give you another chance? If course you would! What she did was wrong, but she did apologize, and it was done BEFORE you two decided to live together. The issue will be to rebuild trust, and she has to take the lead on that.
2006-07-25 07:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not foolish give her a chance everyone makes a mistake some time in a relationship that they are afraid to admit because the dont want to hurt someone they love
2006-07-25 07:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by inluv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see it is not like if she cheated on u she is going to do it again ...yeah that's right ,who is a cheater is A cheater no doubt , but it dependz on a guy if hes smart enough to catch her gurl in the act and stop her to do it and keep checkin on her trust me she wont cheat on u ever again but yeah if u go out with ur friends and have fun n the get back home late in da night difn'ly she will cheat on u ...it is some thing so clear A GUY HAS TO KEEP CHECKIN A GURL otherwise she is gone
2006-07-25 07:57:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋