Jokes not Riddles and please keep it clean!
2006-07-25 07:44:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
so a prince was born and a witch put a curse on him: he could only say one word a year. but if he didn't say a word in one year, he could say two words the next year, and so on. one day he saw a beautiful princess, and he wanted to say "I love you", so he waited 3 years. then he decided to say "my darling", so he waited two years. then he wanted to say "will you marry me?" so he waited four years. so he went up to the princess and sai i love you my darling will you marry me? she said "excuse me?"
2006-07-25 07:50:54 · answer #1 · answered by butter with a touch of scotch 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Traffic Stress
A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him."
The officer continued, "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me toSunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car"
2006-07-25 21:08:26 · answer #2 · answered by pistola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man was walking by the sea shore when he tripped over a lamp. A genie came out of it saying:
"4 people have found me today. I'm tired so forget about the 3 wishes, all you're gonna get is one..."
The man thinks a bit, then says:
"Well, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying and sailing so I would like a highway to get there by car."
"Are you crazy? the genie answers. Think about it - all the steel and concrete, the pillars on the bottom of the ocean..No!"
The man thinks harder, then says:
"I've been married 4 times and they all called me insensitive. I wish I could understand women better, how they think, why they say one thing, but actually mean another."
"Hmm..., about that highway...do you want it with 2 lanes or 4?"
2006-07-25 16:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by unwritten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Think about it for a second .....
2006-07-25 15:06:31 · answer #4 · answered by Ladyshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Toilet Seat Incident
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. He left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the commode. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the commode seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, In desperation, Charlie undid the commode seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the Hospital EmergencyRoom. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her. Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".
The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen a lot of them. I just never saw one FRAMED before.
2006-07-25 15:38:12 · answer #5 · answered by racing_jrfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no offence to blondes but u know that this is funny.....
I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
2006-07-25 15:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by ca_license_pl8t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this couple driving in a car arguing, she is sooo mad that she reaches over and cuts off the guys dick and throws it out the car window. Well it hit the windshield of the car behind them. And in that car behind them was a man and his little daughter. the little daughter said, Daddy, what was " that?" so , not wanting the little girl to know what "that" was, he said, oh, "that" was just a bug darling. So the little girl says, Well it sure had a big dick !!!
2006-07-25 15:52:17 · answer #7 · answered by dianesaunders2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
2006-07-25 14:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by fl2stay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did Jessica Simpson almost get hurt when she was ice fishing?
The zamboni almost hit her
2006-07-25 15:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by dishwasher67 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two babys sitting in the dark room. comes third and turn on light
2006-07-25 14:59:13 · answer #10 · answered by bastet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you make a tissue dance?
....put a little boogie in it
HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's been my favorite joke since i was like 4.
my cousin told it to me (according to my mom) and i thought it was so funny, haha.
ohh brother.
2006-07-25 14:57:40 · answer #11 · answered by dimples 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋